Texas' secessionist former Gov. and future LensCrafter spokesperson Rick "Oops" Perry has thrown in the towel on his bid to be the Rethuglican nominee in 2016. Oops announced the suspension of his campaign today, saying (with a straight face) that "our party is in good hands." We wonder if he was referring to frontrunner and egomaniac Donald "Rump" Trump, whom he once branded as a "cancer on conservatism." Oops. Maybe he can be President of Texas some day.
(photo: Should have stuck with contact lenses.)
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