Wooly's Struggle With The Gas Pump

We saw this account of former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul "Wooly" Wolfowitz's problem at a DC gas station. After filling up his BMW (natch), he failed to remove the nozzle of the gas pump from his tank, snapping the nozzle off of the hose as he started to pull away. Wooly stopped, closed the cap to his tank, and drove away without saying a damn thing to the gas station manager. (Through a representative, he claimed he stopped and talked to the gas station manager, but we know Wooly's reputation for fabricating things).

All of this reminds us of his lack of concern for the immense damage he and his fellow neocons caused our military and their families, Iraqi civilians, and our alliances. He initially "drove away" from the Pentagon to the World Bank, where he was forced out after giving his girlfriend, Shaha "Ha Ha" Riza a cushy job there. Keep driving, Wooly. You're a car wreck waiting to happen.

(photo: Wooly picks his brains)

Wolfie's Return

It appears as though neocon Paul Wolfowitz, a key architect of the Iraq war, is in line for the chairmanship of the State Department's International Security Advisory Board. Marvelous! Let it be said that the Bushit Assministration never met an incompetent or a blind loyalist that it didn't reward. No word on whether Wolfie's girlfriend, suspected "terrist" (by virtue of her religion, of course) Shaha Riza, will be given an equivalent position, but we can always hope.

Wolfie for Mayor!

It's nice to know that the Rethuglicans look after their own. Congressman Walter Jones has suggested that Paul "Socks" Wolfowitz be appointed as a mayor in Iraq, now that he's looking for work. What better way to recognize Socks' contribution as an architect of the Iraq war than to let him help "fix" the problems there? He could roam the streets of Baghdad and reassure the citizens that the surge is working, while ducking live fire. Or confront the Mahdi army with his steely gaze before they blindfold him. Or establish the Iraqi Likud Party, along with Richard Perle. Or shack up with another A-rab lady, now that he and his old girlfriend, Shaha "Ha Ha" Riza, have split. Wolfie for Mayor! That's the ticket!

Bank On It

"Socks" Wolfowitz's resignation from the World Bank is apparently imminent. Although it would be delightful to drag it out a bit longer so that Wolfie could absorb some additional, well-deserved arrows, it appears as though all parties are agreed that he's toast, but are trying to work out a face saving departure (big severance, some World Bank acknowledgement of unclear rules, etc.) Pity that he couldn't have been ejected from the Defense Department before he cooked up the Iraq war strategy.

Update: Wolfie has agreed to resign by the end of June, in exchange for the World Bank board acknowledging some error and a generous severance. Bastard.

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

It appears that the term of Paul "Socks" Wolfowitz as head of the World Bank is about to end, according to this piece in the New York Times. His conflict of interest in promoting A-rab girlfriend Shaha "Ha Ha" Ali Riza within the ranks and getting her a cushy job with the State Department was condemned by the World Bank board. That Board is trying to jettison Socks in return for allowing the U.S. to appoint his successor. With the doors seeming to be closing on the neocon cheerleaders for the Iraq war, Socks may have to look for gainful employment elsewhere. Hey, maybe he could be the go-between for the Israelis and Palestinians; given his history with Ha Ha, he could teach them to make love and not war.

Wolfie the Visionary

There are reports that a George Washington University law professor, Lewis D. Solomon, has a book coming out in June, entitled: "Paul D. Wolfowitz: Visionary Intellectual, Policymaker, and Strategist." Wait, hold on just a second. . . . bbwwahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahaha. . . . Whew! OK, there, that's better.

Professor Solomon has apparently written either a marvelous piece of satire, or a marvelous piece of, um, fiction. Perhaps he's drawing upon his areas of expertise at GW law in writing his book: corporate and securities law, taxation, business and estate planning. Certainly, he can't be aware of Wolfie's role in planning and executing the disastrous war in Iraq, which diverted resources from the fight against al Qaeda in Afghanistan and is wrecking our armed forces. Nor can he be aware of his misadventures at the World Bank, where his philosophy seems to be "do as I say, not as I do" in his purported fight against Third World corruption.

Professor, there's still time to edit the book/novel/love poem you've written. At least change the title; something like "Paul D. Wolfowitz: Neocon Artist, Wrecker of Our Military, and Lover." (photo: Wolfie playing "Eve of Destruction" on his comb)

Sock It To Me!

No wonder neocon master planner Paul "Socks" Wolfowitz can't afford a new pair of hosiery! He's tapped out having to pay his mistress Shaha Riza (yes, she's Arab; he's not kosher) upwards of $200,000 a year for sexual favors while she was "employed" at the World Bank and, on loan, to the State Department. Let the countdown to Socks' termination at the World Bank begin! And a note to Ms. Riza: To do what you do for whom you do it, your services come mighty cheap!