Quote Of The Day - Birfter Trolling Edition

"I suspect that some of my critics back home are suggesting that I'm back here to look for my birth certificate. That is not the case." -- President Obama speaking yesterday at a state dinner in Nairobi, Kenya, trolling (to much applause and laughter) the "birfer" conspiracy cranks who think he was born in Kenya.

BONUS:  Unsurprisingly, some of the frothing cement heads don't get the joke (hint:  it's on you, you cretins).

Today's Dispatches From The Stupid Party - Crazy Uncle Larry Dept.

Gaze dumbstruck at the sheer lunacy of far right-wing birfer Larry Klayman, former pursuer of Bill Clinton's penis and alleged child abuser (Warning:  be sure you've had your rabies shots before reading the following):

Last Wednesday, the great usurper, Barack Hussein Obama, after having been indicted by an Ocala, Florida citizens' grand jury, was convicted by a people's court of defrauding the American people and Floridians by proffering them with a fake birth certificate. See www.citizensgrandjury.com. As readers of this column and www.wnd.com know too well, Obama is not a natural born citizen eligible to be president of the United States, as he was not born in this country to two American citizen parents. However, to justify his fraud and his elections to the highest office in the land, and after years of inquiry, in 2011 the Obama White House posted on its website a birth certificate purporting to show him having been born in Hawaii. The problem is however, according to forensic experts, the birth certificate is altered and forged.

The day of reckoning has come. Obama, having failed to plead in response to the indictment that was served upon him, waived his right to a jury trial. Thumbing his nose at We the People, as the citizens' prosecutor, I appeared before a citizens' court judge and presented evidence from Cold Case Posse investigator Michael Zullo showing that Obama tricked voters into electing him in 2008 and 2012. As a result, the citizens' judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years, and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.  [snip]

On November 19, 2013, a day that will hopefully live on in the history of our once great republic, I call upon millions of Americans who have been appalled and disgusted by Obama's criminality – his Muslim, socialist, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian, anti-white, pro-illegal immigrant, pro-radical gay and lesbian agenda – among other outrages, to descend on Washington, D.C., en masse, and demand that he leave town and resign from office if he does not want to face prison time.

If any President has ever faced such balls-out, frothing craziness in the modern era, we'd sure like to hear about it.

Today's Cartoon - Tailgunner Ted Cruz Edition

(click to enlarge, eh?)

(Jack Ohman, Sacramento Bee, via gocomics.com)

Bad Behavior Watch, Bipartisan Edition

We saw these items from Talking Points Memo:

1). San Diego's Dem Mayor and hands-on politician Bob "Feelie" Filner apparently completed his two-week sexual harassment therapy in just one week.  Must have done the Cliff's Notes version.  Oh well, Feelie will be back in form in a few weeks, mark our words.

2). Rethuglican Rep. Ted "Yo Yo" Yoho (Tinfoil Hat-FL) told his wingnut constituents that he will join fellow far-right Rethug Rep. Steve "Out of" Stockman (Birther-TX) in pushing an "investigation" into President Obama's birth certificate.  We're not joking.  This "investigation" will likely cost taxpayers thousands, if not millions of dollars, simply to entertain the rabid Rethug base for a few months.

Another Blow To The Birthers

The sad spectacle of deranged birthers continuing to tie up the courts with frivolous lawsuits over the President's birth certificate continues. Foremost among that tinfoil hat brigade is wackadoodle birther queen Orly "The Taint" Taitz, a lawyer/dentist/real estate broker/reader of entrails/poo flinger extraordinaire. Her most recent lawsuit attempt to de-legitimatize President Obama was in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California, where she ran into Judge Morrison England, who was having none of The Taint's irrational babbling. Here's a glimpse of the proceedings:

"She ran into a brick wall with England. The judge sparred with her for more than an hour as the hearing played out in a courtroom overflowing with spectators, many of them clearly not Obama supporters.

'Your argument, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever,' the judge told her at one point."

The judge threw her "case" out (as have a dozen previous judges). Of course to The Taint and her paranoid following, that just proves the conspiracy is wider and deeper than they thought. They'll find an "honest" judge yet.

(photo: The Taint points to evidence she uncovered that Obama ran Auschwitz)

Birfers Speaking at the Rethuglican Convention

Willard sure knows his lizard-brained base. Courtesy of Think Progress, here are some of the "birfers" speaking at the upcoming Rethuglican National Convention in Tampa (God willing, and the creek don't rise):

"1. Donald Trump. The famed billionaire/birther king Donald Trump has been the most vociferous — and most closely connected to Romney — person alleging that the President wasn’t born in the United States.

"2. Actress Janine Turner. The Northern Exposure star who has her own conservative radio show wrote a long screed titled 'Reasoning "Kenyan Born."' In it, she complains that anyone who questions the president’s citizenship is deemed a racist: 'If this were a legal case in court, [Obama's] book bio stating that Obama was "born in Kenya" would be taken into consideration.'

"3. Georgia Attorney General Sam Olens. During a town hall captured on video (at 3:5), Olens said, 'You know the state of Hawaii says he’s produced a certified birth certificate… so on one hand I have to trust the state of Hawaii follows the laws. On the other hand it would be nice for the President to say, here it is, I have a copy.'

"4. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee. On one radio appearance during Huckabee’s bid for president, the former governor said, 'I would love to know more [about where Obama was born]. What I know is troubling enough.' He later walked back the statement.

"5. Florida Gov. Rick Scott. In 2010, the Orlando Sentinel reported than an audience member at one of Scott’s campaign events asked 'what he would do about President Obama’s "birth certificate" and whether he could legally appear on the 2012 ballot in Florida.' Scott responded, 'I’ll have to look into it.'

"6. Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA). The Vice-Chairman of the House Republican Conference once told reporters 'Oh, I’d like to see the documents.'

"7. Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. Jindal was willing to sign a 'birther' bill into law. It would have required all presidential candidates to release their birth certificate in order to qualify for a spot on the state’s ballot."

It's a stunning commentary on the American polity that this party of stupid and/or deeply cynical dumbasses runs the U.S. House of Representatives and is within reach of the White House and U.S. Senate.

Har-Har, Romney Goes Birther, Numbnuts Overjoyed

It's why we call them Rethugs, part 26,497:



Fact: Not only was he born in Michigan, but Willard was also born with a silver spoon up his ass! Har-har!

The leader of the Rethuglican Party, Pill Popper Oxycontin Rush Limpballs peed himself in excess excitement at the birfer joke. (We're still awaiting birfer dildo "Rump" Trump's supportive message.)

Recommended Obama comeback: "No one's ever asked for my tax returns!"

Credit Where It's Due

Last night, Arizona Rethuglican Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed two bills that her Rethuglican legislature had passed: one bill would have required Presidential candidates [wink wink Obama] to show a birth certificate or other documentation to get on the ballot, and the other would have permitted students to carry guns on university campuses in Arizona. Brewer was reported to have said that the birther bill "was a bridge too far."

Whatever her motivations for vetoing the radical bills, the Governor deserves credit for doing the right thing.

Crazy Talk

On yesterday's Press The Meat, er, Meet The Press, Rethuglican House Majority Leader Eric "Can't" Cantor initially refused to denounce far-right birther claims that the President wasn't born in the U.S. as "crazy talk." Think Progress has the key excerpt here.

While Can't tries unsuccessfully to weasel-word a response, he finally acknowledges that the President "is a citizen of the United States." Thanks so much, Can't, for your grudging stamp of approval, I'm sure the President is relieved. Now you can figure out a way to tell your far-right base that's not what you really meant.

No Orly Arguments Will Be Heard

The Supreme Court has upheld the ruling by a lower Federal court that birther diva Orly "Taint" Taitz must pay $20,000 in costs for filing "frivolous" lawsuits aimed at denying President Obama's citizenship. The nutty Taint has been on her mission ever since the President was sworn in, trying to spread her delusion that Obama is a secret commie "Mooslim" Kenyan (notwithstanding his Hawaii Certificate of Live Birth, and the August 1961 birth announcement in the Honolulu daily newspaper -- d'oh!). Clearly, a time machine was used.

Apparently, Taint remains defiant, and vows to fight on (snicker snicker). We think her tinfoil hat needs to be adjusted.

Is It "Orly" or "Orally"?

Birther queen and raving lunatic Orly "Taint" Taitz was apparently gettin' some action on the side from one of her (disbarred) attorneys, Charles "Definitely Not Abe" Lincoln III, according to an affidavit filed in Federal district court documents. Taint, who is married, is alleged to have an ongoing affair with Not Abe Lincoln, as they moved forward with their bizarre and fraudulent case that the President was born in Kenya.

Not Abe Lincoln detailed his opinion of Taint's, um, "attributes" in the sack, according to a conversation with birther nut Lucas Smith, who stayed at Not Abe's house and was present when the nasty acts occurred. We earnestly hope that this will unfold further, opening up new career opportunities for Taint as an adult film star.

(photo: Orly gives us that come hither look)

Judge to Birther Queen: Pay Up

U.S. District Judge Clay Land is fed up with birther queen Orly "My Ass is Sorely" Taitz's nonsensical challenges to President Obama's legitimacy as a U.S. citizen. Fining her $20,000 for misconduct, Judge Land wrote: "When a lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law, that lawyer ceases to advance her cause or the ends of justice."

Hopefully, "Ass" will refuse to pay, and, following the voices in her head, will carry on her birther crusade forward into additional State and Federal Courts. . .

(photo: dialing up the crazy)

Working Overtime

Ghost writer alert! It seems Obama Derangement Syndrome sufferer Charles Kraphammer is working overtime over at the Kaplan Daily. Today he wrote screeds under the bylines of George "Quill" Will and Richard "America's Concern Troll" Cohen. Surely that's the only explanation for the churlish, sneering tone of both op/eds. Quill Will is a pompous ass capable of such things, of course, but usually spends his columns talking about the global warming hoax or what an erudite student of Cubs baseball he is. Cohen's either yakking about what a great sense of humor he has or how deeply concerned he is about keeping Roman Polanski free (so that, should they ever meet, Cohen can pummel him with his tiny fists of rage). So the suspicion naturally falls on Kraphammer who has nothing to do all day except foam at the mouth.

What we won't be doing today is linking to the profile of birfer queen Orly "Taint" Taitz in the "Style" section of the Kaplan Daily. The Taint profiled in the Kaplan Daily. 'Nuff said.

(Dicky Cohen image from Rising Hegemon)

Saturday Morning Read

Author! Author!
Bill O'Liely has been abducted and a libtard ghost-writer has written an admiring puff-piece in the nationally-syndicated Parade about President Obama!! Did O'Liely see what his ghost-writer wrote before he signed the check?? Was this run by Roger Ailes??!! How could you say such positive things about "President" Barack Mohammed Adolf Josef Kenyatta Obama!!??

"No Party of Einsteins"
Charles Blow discusses the birther, authoritarian, know-nothing hooliganism on display in the kook right's attempts to derail health care reform/ the Obama Administration in his NY Times op/ed. Citing polling showing 58% of Rethugs aren't convinced of Obama's Hawaiian birth (about the same percentage of Rethugs that believe humans were created 10,000 years ago), Blow concludes "This is no party of Einsteins." True. But, unfortunately, it is a party whose base is angry, well-armed, and responds readily to incitement.

Per Above, We Offer Exhibit A
As if further evidence were needed, Winky You Betcha has weighed in (if a lightweight could be said to weigh in) the health care scare derby, using her Down syndrome child Trig as a prop once again. No party of Einsteins, indeed. No party of truth or character either.

Is Loopy Lou Circling the Drain?

An Associated Press story reports that CNN's resident wingnut Lou "Loopy Lou" Dobbs has become an increasing embarrassment to his network. Last year, Dobbs was incessantly yapping about the threat of "illegal immigrants" spreading leprosy, etc. and creating a national security problem. Polls at the time showed that Americans were more concerned about hair products than about illegal immigration, but Dobbs pressed on. Recently, Loopy Lou been on a crusade about Obama's birth certificate, despite stories on his own network that proved the birther claims utterly false. Now, his cringe-worthy broadcast has fallen 15% in viewers, and CNN's brass is getting nervous about Loopy Lou. About time.

Birthers Find Smoking Gun, Shoot Selves

Birther uber-crank Orly "Taint" Taitz has found the true Obama birf certificate from Kenya! Yes, it's true! At least in her "mind." Unfortunately, the thing doesn't pass the sniff, geographic or historical accuracy tests. But the Russian-born Taint is... um... forging ahead, telling World Nut Daily, "I'm forcing the issue, where Obama will have to respond."

Oh, yes. We're sure President Obama has you on his radar screen. He tracks all the demands of crackpots, loons, tea baggers and racists in order to promptly respond to their legitimate concerns. Nonetheless, the response we would suggest would be, "Please take your smoking gun and eat it!"

(Photo: Orly "Taint" Taitz with her smoking gun)

Southern Fried Idiots

A new poll out from Research 2000 indicates that while the vast majority of Americans believe that President Obama was born in the U.S., Southern whites make up the most obvious block of "birthers." As many as 70 percent of Southern whites may believe that the President was not born in the U.S., in contrast to whites in other regions of the country. Of course, that's the region with the poorest school systems and long history of racial bigotry. They can't accept the fact that America elected an African-American as their President.

The birther controversy was hatched on the racist far-right, and has managed to infiltrate its way into cable TV air time. Lou "Kill the Meskins" Dobbs on CNN is one of the most prominent weasels trying to pump the bogus story, and was recently told by CNN's president to drop his birther BS.

Sen. Head-Inhofe-Ass, Birther

Oklahoma's more senior crackpot Sen. Jungle Jim Inhofe (Rethug-Oil and Gas) is opining on more matters of which he knows nothing. This flat-earth global climate change denier thinks the birthers "have a point" in raising doubts about President Obama's citizenship. Not surprising considering the source. Jungle Jim, who ran an insurance company into the ground before he got into national politics, is fond of citing the Bible as a rationale for some of his public policy positions (on Israel for example). Inhofe would be an embarrassment for anyplace other than Oklahoma, the most Republican and tornado-prone State (any Biblical conclusions to draw there?).

(Image: Sen. Jungle Jim Inhofe, searching for the elusive Obama birth certificate)

Born Yesterday

In the past few weeks, we've noticed an uptick in the chatter in the wingnut world about whether President Obama is a native-born American, therefore eligible to be President. The lunatic far right has been foaming at the mouth, deluding themselves that the President was not native-born, and they have some allies in the right-wing media. The usual suspects at Fux and on hate radio are fanning the bogus allegation, despite multiple official confirmations of the authenticity of his birth certificate, and two birth announcements in Honolulu's newspapers in August 1961. CNN's despicable Lou Dobbs insinuated on July 20 that evidence had not been presented about the President's birth certificate, despite his own network's debunking of the right wing smear 3 days earlier. Last month, Rethug Rep. Mike Castle was verbally assaulted by a loon at a town hall meeting, who insisted that the President was "born in Kenya."

Maybe the best remedy, aside from commiting these loons to a psychiatric institute, is laughter, and Jon Stewart has the goods.

Nowhere To Hide

As we noted yesterday, Rethuglican boss Pills Limpballs and other right wingers are attempting to divert attention from the fact that Holocaust Museum shooter James von Brunn was a rabid right winger himself. Now, we see that far right website FreeRepublic initially scrubbed von Brunn's rantings on their website about President Obama's citizenship. The "birthers" can be found on far right blogs and holding signs at any right wing rally, from the teabag demonstrations to Rethuglican/secession rallies. They've become a fixture on the far right, and they're proof that an angry segment of the population will never accept an African-American as President.

The attempt to alter reality involved another wingnut killer, Scott Roeder, who killed Dr. George Tiller, and whose hate speech had appeared on the website of the anti-choice Operation Rescue, but was later deleted by the group. But with so much evidence that the wingnut media is pouring gasoline on the fire, they can't hide their role in the violence.