Well-lubricated weathervane Willard "Etch-a-Sketch" Romney has announced today that he is dropping out of the race for the Rethuglican presidential nomination. Here's the statement issued by his campaign headquarters:
"Today I am announcing, regretfully, that I am leaving the race for the Republican nomination for President. I am doing so based on the advice of my medical advisers, who believe that continuing to change my convictions and personality to please whatever audience I'm speaking to will result in permanent multiple personality disorder. In addition, my financial advisers have cautioned me that my continuous shape-shifting may result in having my balls placed in a permanent blind trust (ed.- "truss?").
"I have agreed to return to Bain Capital, where I will resume my career as a venture (ed.- "vulture?") capitalist, swooping in on failing companies and reaping enormous profits from other peoples' misery. (God, I love firing people!) Cheerio!"
UPDATE: The Romney campaign just announced that "Etch-a-Sketch" Willard has changed his position and will continue in the race for the Rethuglican presidential nomination. No one is shocked.
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