The Republican War On Women - Distaff Edition

Did you know the Republican War on Women is a sham?  Neither did we.  But that doesn't mean the Republican/ New Confederate/ Stupid Party doesn't want to re-edumacate the wimmenfolk out there in the next two election cycles.  And they're planning to use a secret weapon: wimmen!

Kaili Joy Gray over at Wonkette has a wonderful piece (worth reading in its entirety) on the efforts of Quislings wimmen in the Republican ranks who want you to know that all that Republican War on Women stuff is just something the Demoncrats have cooked up.  Rep. Cathy McMorris "Mrs." Rodgers (Tool-WA) is one of those leading the charge. Tally-ho!

“We are starting to hear this drumbeat again from the Democrats suggesting that the Republicans are waging a war on women,” Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash.) said in a speech Friday afternoon to the Republican National Committee “Taking Back the Future” [Ed. note:  shouldn't that be "Taking Us Back in the Future"?] conference at a Washington, D.C. hotel. “As you all know, there’s no truth to it.”

You can take that to the bank, mister!  Kaili Joy responds:

It’s sort of impressive how much wrong Cathy can squeeze into one sentence, which is probably why she’s done so well for herself in her party, but A) women do not actually need the Democratic Party to suggest to them that there is a Republican war on women because, despite being women with little itty bitty ladybrains, WE ALREADY FIGURED THAT ONE OUT ALL ON OUR OWN BEFORE THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY CAUGHT ON, JESUS CHRIST!, and B) there is SO much goddamned truth to it, Cathy, that if you piled up all the truth, it would wrap around the Earth 2,152 times, and if we could harness the power of all the truth to it, we’d solve all of our energy problems forever, JESUS CHRIST AGAIN SOME MORE!

Also coming in for the treatment is former failed CEO and Republican Senate candidate Carly "Golden Parachute" Fiorina, who is also going to re-edumacate those stoopid wimmen who are voting Demoncrat:

Carly’s plan is to recruit a whole bunch of women — with technology! — to tell other women that they are SOOOO stupid if they think there is a war on women, because there is no war on women, DUH, and if women really cared about the things Carly thinks women should really care about, they would vote Republican, OBVIOUSLY, so they too can can drive a major corporation like Hewlett Packard practically into the ground but walk away with a mighty fine golden parachute and then get her ass kicked backwards and sideways in a Senate race in which she humiliated herself more than is even scientifically possible by saying any number of stupid things and also releasing her infamous Demon Sheep ad. Isn’t that every woman’s dream?

However, Republicans should be careful in unleashing their new weapons, because some of them are loose cannons:

“Men do tend to talk about things on a much higher level,” [North Carolina Republican Rep. Renee] Ellmers said. “Many of my male colleagues, when they go to the House floor, you know, they’ve got some pie chart or graph behind them and they’re talking about trillions of dollars and how, you know, the debt is awful and, you know, we all agree with that.” 

“We need our male colleagues to understand that if you can bring it down to a woman’s level and what everything that she is balancing in her life — that’s the way to go,” she said.  (our emphasis)

Pie charts and graphs and trillions of dollars, oh my!