Welcoming Jeb! To The Republican Clown Car

Now that Jeb! (a.k.a., John Ellis Bush) has blundered into entered the Republican clown car, here's Onion's candidate profile (this time we beat Silver Spring Bureau Chief Brian to the punch!):

Here are some key facts to know about Jeb Bush:

Birthplace: Shadow of his father and brother

Heritage: Seventh-generation Establishment

Languages: Fluent in both rich and poor

Connection To Hispanic Community: Checks out

Number Of Public Battles Over Coma Patients’ Right To Die That He’d Like To Have Back: 1

Biggest Obstacle To GOP Nomination: Has publicly acknowledged the humanity of illegal immigrants

Greatest Qualification: Already knows White House layout pretty well

Greatest Liability: O, what fickle hand of fate! ’Tis the very same privileged background that elevated him to such prominence in the first place!

As A Child Was Traumatized After Walking In On His Mother, Barbara Bush, Stepping Out Of The Shower: Possibly

This should be fun!

UPDATE:  Sadly for Jeb! he's still loathed by the frothing- at- the- mouth base of the Republican/ New Confederate/ Stupid Party.