All Fuxed Up

The Republican clown car bus will be pulling into Cleveland this Thursday for the Fux "News" debates, but it's unclear which clowns will be on stage to join carnival barker and mega-mouth Donald "Rump" Trump in the messy poo-flinging.  Certainly Rump will be joined by several of his nearest rivals for the honor of losing in 2016, like Bush Dynasty heir John Ellis "J.E.B.!" Bush, Koch Industries' front man Gov. Scott "Koch Head" Walker, and nutty conspiracist Ben "On Meds?" Carson.  But the bottom couple of slots are undetermined, thanks to Fux's Byzantine method of choosing the participants by poll data and the number of clowns who are tied in single digits.

Nothing would be more delicious than a fight at the auditorium door among some of the wannabes trying to get on the stage.  There will certainly be some bad blood created and charges of Fux's sinister head Roger "Jabba the Nut" Ailes rigging the final selections to comport with his liking.  All in all, a well deserved mess for those who have no business running this country.

BONUS:  The New Yorker's Andy Borowitz gives his take on the process.