News item: Sociopath and far- right extremist "Tailgunner Ted" Cruz says if nominated (riiiiight!) he'll name failed candidate, corporate job killer and fellow sociopath Carly "Snarly" Fiorina to his ticket. Well, they've definitely locked down the reptile vote at the zoo.
BONUS: Andy Borowitz on the Power! of this ticket. Bwahahaha.
BONUS II: Snarly's little song that she sang to Tailgunner's daughters at the roll-out seems to have creeped everyone out. After this stunt crashes and burns, Snarly has a future in voice overs for horror films, or as Tailgunner Ted's nanny:
(photo: Slither and slime in prime time -- game changer!)