After a decisive loss in the Indiana primary, sociopath and purported "Lucifer in the flesh" "Tailgunner Ted" Cruz announced tonight that he's suspending his campaign. Indiana was the Tailgunner's make-or-break chance to stop the momentum of presumed Rethuglican nominee and neo-fascist demagogue Donald "Rump" Trump, after Rump's victories last week in five eastern primaries. The Tailgunner's last ditch stunt of bringing job destroyer and serial liar Carly "Snarly" Cruz on board as his make believe "running mate" didn't have the desired positive effect on the campaign.
Tailgunner Ted now faces the grim reality of returning to the U.S. Senate, where he's almost universally despised for his nasty, opportunistic persona and habit of dealing behind peoples' backs.
(photo: Cheer up, Tailgunner. You could have a future in horror movies)
