Friday, December 25, 2009
Hackwhacker Awards for 2009
It's time again for the Hackwhacker Awards for 2009, so let's jump into the morass:
"Against It Before They Were For It" Brass Waffle Award: To Rethuglicans, who were against Medicare (and still are) before they expediently were temporarily for it during the health care reform "debate." Oh, and deficits, too.
Wingnut War on Christmas Citation: To far-right Humanevents.com for putting on their web site a racist spoof of Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad," entitled "The Illegal Alien Christmas Song" (since removed). Illegal immigrants Moses and the Jews, as well as Jesus, Mary and Joseph would be proud.
Dumbass, Crazy Wingnut of the Year: To Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann. "Hoot-Smalley Tariffs." 'Nuff said.
Dumbass, Crazy, Dangerous Wingnut of the Year: To Glenn "Boo-Hoo the Hoot" Beck, of whom it was said (we're paraphrasing here) by Stephen Colbert that he is almost too difficult to parody because he's set the stupid bar so high. It's the toxic mix of Boo-Hoo's frequent incitements to violence, his black helicopter conspiracy view of the world, his undisguised hatred of anyone to the left of the Dumbass, Crazy Wingnut of the Year (above) and his gullible viewers that make this a train wreck that could have consequences far beyond what we can imagine or fear.
Pinocchio Was a Piker Award: To Sarah "Winky You Betcha" Palin in a landslide. She thought the media's fact-checking of her error- and lie-ridden "book" was "opposition research!" Heh. Says she quit her job as Governor in order to "better serve the people of Alaska" -- by getting a multi-million dollar advance for a ghost-written book, freeing up time for a book (chartered airplane) tour and charging $100,000 to show up for speaking engagements. Riiiiight! So much, much more, but time and space are short.
Delusions of Majority Award: To the tea-bagger Nation, and all 50 billion, er 50 million, er 50 thousand who showed up in Washington in September with their tea bags a-flopping, racist signs a-carrying, Paul Revere costumes a-wearing. Once more, with feeling: the election was in November, you lost big, go home, turn off Boo-Hoo the Hoot, and get a grip.
Just Do It Award: This goes to all the creepy crackpots who comment on wingnut blogs like RedState and Free Republic calling for the violent overthrow of the government ("Get your guns, lock and load; Civil War II is coming"- type shit.) Well, all you General Cornpones out there, go ahead and make a move. Stop your incessant threats and do something. There's plenty of space in the new Supermax prison they're opening in Illinois for the Gitmo prisoners, for those of you who aren't hanged or shot for treason first, that is.
Ho, Ho, Ho "Liberal Media" Award (tie): To Kaplan Daily (WaPo) editors who hired Rethug political operator and serial fact-fabricator Wee Willie Kristol shortly after the New York Times wisely declined to renew his contract. Wee Willie now inflicts his version of Obama Derangement Syndrome alongside crackpots and fellow fabricators Charles Kraphammer, Quill Will, Michael "Mushroom Cloud" Gerson, and Robert "Not Paul" Samuelson. Great catch! And,
To ABC's Jake "Tippy" Tapper, who referred to Fox News as a "sister organization," when the White House pointed out the commonly observed fact that Fox is the media arm of the Republican Party. You shouldn't take umbrage, Tippy, just because your "sister" is a ho! In the meantime, look for Tippy to inherit George Steponaflagpinopolous' chair at "This Week."
John Peter Zenger Award for Scruples in the Media, Incestuous Clusterf**k Division (tie): To Politico's Jim VandeHei and Kaplan Daily's Howie "Get That Job?" Kurtz, whose wives' earning a living as Rethug consultants apparently doesn't rise to the level of even an occasional disclaimer in their political pieces. Keep those "journalistic" standards high, douches! (There are any number of Dishonorable Mentions, such as CNN's Campbell Brown - married to neocon hawk Dan Senor -- and former Nixon deputy press secretary Diane Sawyer, but you get the picture.)
Euell Gibbons Too-Much-Fiber, Too-Much-Gas Award: To David "The Dean" Broder, gasbag emeritus at the Kaplan Daily, for his lifelong search for "bipartisanship" (at least during those years when the Democrats are in power; when Rethugs rule, he wants to rock on Karl Rove's porch and enjoy the good times).
Rethug Zeitgeist Personified Award: To Michael "Tin Man" Steele - who best to represent the Rethug Party? It's the perfect intersection of party and person: smug, clueless, self-centered, nihilistic, selfish. Tin Man and the Rethug Party go together like ham and cheese.
The Bouncing Bag of BS Award: To Rush "Pills Limpballs" Limbaugh who gets the award after a solid year of raging against President Obama and the "libruls" who want to repair the damage Pills and his ilk in the Rethuglican Party have done to the U.S. Clips of his unintentionally hilarious, bouncing, arm-waving performance at the Conservative Political Action Committee's annual group grope were re-run on "Countdown", among other programs, threatening to trigger small earthquakes. Despite his success in conning the "dittoheads" who follow his nonsense, and the fawning of Rethuglican politicians, porcine Pills is a deeply insecure, dishonest "little" man.
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We've not even scratched the surface of "morans," crackpots, hypocrites, bomb-throwers, racists, and other denizens of the cesspool that is the far right in American politics, but that'll have to do for 2009. Rest assured there will be more fodder in 2010.