Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Hackwhacker Awards for 2010

The time has come to look back at 2010 and bestow our coveted annual Hackwhacker Awards. There was so much good material this past year that it was difficult to choose, but here we go:

Flat Earth Science Award: To the right wing, which is growing more medieval by the day in its approach to modern science. Any day now we expect them to declare the Earth is flat because. . . well, because one of their deranged leaders said so on the fancy talking box. Hey, it's snowing in winter, so climate change is a hoax!

Bent Putter Trophy: To Tiger "Putz" Woods, who should have kept his putter in his pants. Although his scandal erupted at the end of 2009, name after name spurted forth (we gave up at 20) of Tiger's hoes. Sadly, the climax was that he lost a gorgeous wife who made the mistake of trusting him.

Big Boys Don't Cry Award: To (who else?) incoming House Speaker John of the Orange Boner. It's no shame for a man to cry, but Boner bawls at the drop of a cliche, no matter how banal. Too bad he doesn't care about real people that are hurting. The tanning oil must be triggering his blubbering.

Hanging Chad Prize for Clueless Voting: To "independents", who went from voting for Dems in 2008 to Rethugs in 2010, and who apparently suffer from amnesia or attention deficit disorder. Nothing like rewarding the people who got us into our economic mess and refused to act to get us out. That'll teach them!

Sweating Hog Look Alike Winner: To porcine propagandist Pills Limpballs. We may have to make this award to Pills permanent; he has no equal. Or Splenda, or Sweet and Low. Oink!

Worst Use of Social Media: To former half-term Alaska Gov. and snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin, who uses Facebook and Twitter to expound on public policy (actually, it's written for her, she just presses the "send" key). Does anyone really think she's got a thought in her head? Oh yeah, and how's your lousy poll numbers workin' out for ya?

"Against It Before They Were For It" Brass Waffle Award: To Senate Rethugs for their lock-step opposition to the 9/11 responders medical care bill -- until Jon Stewart (not the "mainstream media" you should note) exposed the Rethugs' hypocrisy and small-bore thinking. But, penurious to the end, they succeeded in scaling back the funding for the bill before voting for it.

Pinocchio Was A Piker Award:
To Fox "News", whose cable spin cycles have been duly noted as providing more intentional distortions and misinformation per viewer minute than all the other cable news organizations combined. Some get their fiction from SyFy, some from Fox.

Dumbass, Crazy, Dangerous Wingnut of the Year:
Who else but reigning champion Glenn "Boo Hoo the Hoot" Beck, whose megalomania drove him to stage a billion... er million... er 80,000 sheeple demonstration in Washington on the anniversary of the Martin Luther King March on Washington. Professor Beck has been given a big megaphone by his handlers at Fox, the better to rile the crackpots who tune in to hear the latest conspiracy, faux outrage, and hyperventilated call to revolution coming from Boo Hoo.

Delusions of Majority Award: To Congressional Rethugs who claim to have heard and responded to the "voice of the American people" in the 2010 elections, but who somehow failed to hear that same voice in the 2008 elections, opting instead to do everything to obstruct, delay and deny the will of the people expressed in Obama's landslide.

Lie of the Year:
This has already been awarded by Politifact to Rethuglicans who successfully snookered enough people into thinking the health reform act was a "Government takeover of health care." We couldn't improve on that one.


That's it for 2010. We're certain there'll be much more of the same (and worse) in 2011, so hang in there with us!

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