Tomorrow's Iowa Rethuglican caucus is showing all the signs of being a dead heat among Rep. Ron "Race War" Paul, Rick "Please Don't Google My Last Name" Santorum, and Willard "Mendacious Millionaire Mitt" Romney. What happens to the also-rans after Iowa will be watched closely as well, with the exits of Rep. Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann a near-certainty and Gov. Rick "Oops" Perry less certain (the Perry storyline: he spent a small fortune only to finish in the bottom tier). The fate of hired larynx Newt "Poot" Gingrich, whose catastrophic deflation can only be compared to the fate of his fellow dirigible, the Hindenburg, is also clouded by the fact that he still enjoys some support in early primary state South Carolina.
The best outcome out of Iowa, of course, is for there to be a conservative candidate to consolidate all the micro-brow knuckle-draggers who don't want to nominate Willard Romney, and for that person to carry the fight with Willard all the way through the primaries, spending wads of money and roughing things up good. One can only dream.
