Carpetbagging in the South: The Great Grits Debate

Last night, Stephen Colbert looked at today's Alabama and Mississippi (a.k.a., Doltistan) Rethuglican primaries. Let the pandering begin... y'all!

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Cartoon of the Day - Dysfunctional Rethugs Edition

(click to enlarge)


(Tom Tomorrow, via Daily Kos)

Sexual Warfare - Willard and Frothy Mix Edition

(click to enlarge)


(Matt Wuerker, via Daily Kos)

Cartoons of the Leap-Day

(click to enlarge)


(Pat Oliphant, via gocomics.com)


(Walt Handelsman, via gocomics.com)

Today's Read

Rolling Stone's excellent Matt Taibbi on the Rethuglican "debates" and the chickens coming home to roost for the far-right Rethugs:

"Throughout this entire process, the spectacle of these clowns thrashing each other and continually seizing and then fumbling frontrunner status has left me with an oddly reassuring feeling, one that I haven't quite been able to put my finger on. In my younger days I would have just assumed it was regular old Schadenfreude at the sight of people like Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich suffering, but this isn’t like that – it's something different than the pleasure of watching A-Rod strike out in the playoffs.

"No, it was while watching the debates last night that it finally hit me: This is justice. What we have here are chickens coming home to roost. It's as if all of the American public's bad habits and perverse obsessions are all coming back to haunt Republican voters in this race: The lack of attention span, the constant demand for instant gratification, the abject hunger for negativity, the utter lack of backbone or constancy (we change our loyalties at the drop of a hat, all it takes is a clever TV ad): these things are all major factors in the spiraling Republican disaster.

"Most importantly, though, the conservative passion for divisive, partisan, bomb-tossing politics is threatening to permanently cripple the Republican party. They long ago became more about pointing fingers than about ideology, and it's finally ruining them."

Perhaps there is justice in the world.

BONUS: Even one-time heir-apparent Jeb Bush is repelled by The Crazy:

"I used to be a conservative, and I watch these debates, and I’m wondering, I don’t think I’ve changed, but it’s a little troubling sometimes when people are appealing to people’s fears and emotion rather than trying to get them to look over the horizon for a broader perspective, and that’s kind of where we are."

Numbers, Again

For those inclined not to believe in the invincibility of plutocrat tin man Willard "Not Concerned About the Very Poor" Romney (contrary to the "mainstream media" and Washington chattering class, who are swooning), let's keep in mind this number from yesterday's Nevada Rethug caucuses: 53%. That's the percentage of Rethugs who caucused yesterday who voted AGAINST their "inevitable" nominee. 53%. That's not such good news, Willard.

(Update: the final vote count gave Romnoid a whopping 50.1%, meaning merely 49.9% voted for someone else.

Numbers

As the "mainstream media" is stampeding to crown it's boy, plutocrat "Millionaire Mitt" Romney, the Rethuglican defacto nominee, consider a few numbers:

52.3% -- that's the percent of Florida Rethuglican voters who DIDN'T VOTE for Millionaire Mitt, despite millions in Mittens' advertising and the efforts of the Rethuglican establishment and above-mentioned media to bum-rush the coronation;

49-42% -- that's President Obama's lead over Millionaire Mitt in the crucial battleground state of Ohio, according to a new poll.

Granted, it's the first of February, but as polls are showing, the more people see of clueless plutocrat Millionaire Mitt, the less they like him.

Cartoon of the Day -- More of the Newt and Mittens Show

(Click to enlarge)


(Tom Tomorrow, via Daily Kos)

Preview of Tonight's Florida Rethug "Debate"

Because of who they are and who they cater to, expect there to be plenty of "dog whistles" too.

Cartoon of the Day - Dysfunctional Rethugs Edition

(Jerry Holbert, Boston Herald, via gocomics.com)

Surging in Florida

Sweaty pig-man and serial adulterer Newt "The Swinger" Gingrich has jumped out to an 8 point lead over Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney in the next primary state, Florida, according to an Insider Advantage poll. (A Rasmussen poll also has the Hindenburg's sister ship up by 9 points over Millionaire Mitt.)

Willard is already out with his "Newt is a terrible leader" ads, and we should expect the increasingly panicked Rethug establishment and their water-carriers in the media (Charles "Kraphammer" Krauthammer, George "Quill" Will, Kathleen "Blind Squirrel" Parker, Jennifer Rubin, Bobo Brooks, Ross "I Seriously" Douthat, et al.) to really pour it on poor Newtie in the coming week; meanwhile the uber-crackpots (Rush Limpballs, the teatard nation, martial ass master Chuck Norris , and maybe even snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin?) will rally around Newtie.

I myself am bullish on popcorn futures! Grab a bag, sit back, and enjoy!

(Photo: "A stupid man's idea of a smart man.")

Not-Newt Endorsement of the Day

"Through this exhaustive process of consideration, it was strikingly obvious that one candidate could not be less acceptable to be our party’s nominee. He lacks the poise, experience and moral fiber to represent our principles and values. That candidate is Newt Gingrich." -- Rep. Michele "My Gaydar's Been Disabled" Bachmann (Loon-MN) today. Gingrich wife #2 (Marianne) would have to agree, it seems. She'll be on ABC's "Nightline" tonight talking about Newt's lack of "moral fiber." (Can you say "menage a trois"?) Bring popcorn. Bwahahahaha!

Quote of the Day

"Look can we drop a little bit of the pious baloney?" -- Hired larynx and Mitt-seeking missile Newt "Poot" Gingrich to Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney at today's NBC/Facebook Rethuglican debate. Willard had just made another attempt to cast himself as a non-career politician who left office because he wanted to get back into the business world. Riiight! Several pundits have noted that Willard was noticably sweating after taking shots from his Rethuglican rivals -- oh, excuse me, millionaires don't "sweat," they "perspire."

On to New Hampshire!

Eugene Robinson in today's Kaplan Daily:

"Mitt Romney and his backers decided that, to win in Iowa, they had to destroy Newt Gingrich’s campaign. Now Gingrich looks eager — and able — to return the favor.

"Romney got his victory, but it doesn’t feel much like one. It’s embarrassing that the supposed Republican front-runner managed to beat Rick Santorum by only eight votes out of about 120,000 cast in Tuesday’s caucuses. It’s troubling that Romney has spent the past five years campaigning in Iowa and could still draw just one-quarter of the vote.

"And it’s downright ominous that Gingrich is threatening to do whatever he can to block Romney’s path to the nomination. If the sneering description of Romney in Gingrich’s post-caucus speech Tuesday is a preview — a 'Massachusetts moderate' who is “pretty good at managing the decay” — this could get ugly."

It doesn't get much better than this.

(Photo: "The Three Stooges" - with apologies to the real Three Stooges!)

Final Iowa Name-Calling Roundup

From the Rethuglican asshats running in tonight's Iowa caucus, these random shots (h/t to Daily Kos for doing my work for me):

-- Vacuum-brained Gov. Rick "Oops" Perry, once again with the Obama/ Hitler analogy.

-- America's answer to the Hindenburg Newt "Poot" Gingrich makes the observation that Willard is a "liar" and fraud. Duh.

-- Willard "Flip-Flop/ Mendacious Millionaire Mitt" Romney plays the Obama derangement syndrome card in a desperate attempt at getting votes from the lizard-brained dimbulbs occupying the base of his party.

-- Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum, projecting again, thinks Rep. Ron "Race War" Paul is "disgusting."

(Image: Typical Iowa Rethuglican voter Claude Hopper trusting in the Lord and the voices in his head to lead him to the right candidate tonight.)

Iowa Rethug Caucus a "Dead Heat"

Tomorrow's Iowa Rethuglican caucus is showing all the signs of being a dead heat among Rep. Ron "Race War" Paul, Rick "Please Don't Google My Last Name" Santorum, and Willard "Mendacious Millionaire Mitt" Romney. What happens to the also-rans after Iowa will be watched closely as well, with the exits of Rep. Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann a near-certainty and Gov. Rick "Oops" Perry less certain (the Perry storyline: he spent a small fortune only to finish in the bottom tier). The fate of hired larynx Newt "Poot" Gingrich, whose catastrophic deflation can only be compared to the fate of his fellow dirigible, the Hindenburg, is also clouded by the fact that he still enjoys some support in early primary state South Carolina.

The best outcome out of Iowa, of course, is for there to be a conservative candidate to consolidate all the micro-brow knuckle-draggers who don't want to nominate Willard Romney, and for that person to carry the fight with Willard all the way through the primaries, spending wads of money and roughing things up good. One can only dream.

Year in Review: Rethugs Gone Wild

We can't let 2011 slip into the past without acknowledging the contribution Rethuglicans have made to the devolution of mankind. At the risk of giving them more time and thought than they deserve, here are a few memories and observations:

Gone But Not Forgotten: Snowbilly Grifter Sarah Palin, Donald "Rump" Trump, Herman "Horndog Herb" Cain, Glenn "Boo-Hoo the Hoot" Beck, all of whom over-stayed whatever welcome they had, but still live on in the hearts of "millions" (at least in their minds) of their followers.

Forgotten But Not Gone: Jon Huntsman, Rick "Oops" Perry, Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann, and the Tea Party "agenda," all but forgotten, but still somehow providing enough shiny surface to get minimal media attention (at least, for the pols listed, until the Iowa caucus).

Read 'em and Weep: Weeper of the House John "Orange Boner" Boehner, who absolutely cannot get a handle on his teatard House Rethuglican caucus. Remember the "grand bargain" that he had to walk away from? The related debt ceiling fiasco? The payroll tax cut extension debacle? If Boner plays his cards this well in 2012, he may end up as former Weeper of the House.

Inmates Running the Asylum: (See above)

99 Red Balloons: Newt "Poot" Gingrich, "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann, "Rump" Trump, Gov. Chris "Bag o' Donuts" Christie, Rep. Paul "Lyin'" Ryan's budget plan to end Medicare, all Rethug balloons that rose and then went "pop!"

Gifts for the Needy: A functioning "gaydar" scope to Michele Bachmann (not that there's anything wrong with you, Marcus!); a heart, a soul, and at least one principle to stand for to Willard "Flip Flop/ Mendacious/ Millionaire Mitt" Romney.

To the Manor Born: Who else but the aforementioned Millionaire Mitt, the plutocrat's plutocrat.

A Gift Certificate For A Moving Van: To Wisconsin's Koch-head Gov. Scott "Take A Walk" Walker, who should be evicted from the Governor's mansion in Madison after a recall election this spring. Not to worry, Take A Walk will certainly find employment at Koch Industries.

Gingrich Balloon Imploding In Iowa

(Click to enlarge)

(Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution, via gocomics.com)

The boomlet for the latest "Please God, Not Romney" candidate, Newt "Poot" Gingrich, appears to have sprung a leak in the first Rethuglican caucus state, Iowa. The "hired larynx" has dropped in two weeks from 27 percent, to 22 percent, to his current 14 percent. He trails poll leader (!) and Stormfront-endorsed Ron Paul, who is at 23 percent, and Willard "Flip-Flop/ Mendacious Mitt" Romney, holding steady at an anemic 20 percent.

Then and Now

Sixty years ago, the contenders for the Republican nomination for president were Dwight Eisenhower, Robert Taft, Earl Warren, and Harold Stassen. In those days, it could still legitimately be called the "Grand Old Party." Today:

(Clay Bennett, via gocomics.com)

The Rethugs' Cartoon Candidates, Cont.

(Click to enlarge)

(Pat Oliphant, via gocomics.com)