"A man in Tennessee was arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM. Even worse, he had to pay a penalty for early withdrawal." -- Stephen Colbert, in last night's opening teaser for The Colbert Report. Funny because, #1, it's about a drunken guy in Tennessee, and #2, it's about a drunken guy in Tennessee. Oh, and the guy also tried to hump a picnic table.
No wonder he missed the #OperationAmericanSpring festivities.
