Glug Glug Rubio Shoots Blanks

Future spokesperson for Dos Equis beer ("stay thirsty my friends") Sen. Marco "Glug Glug" Rubio (R-Adelson) isn't making headway in Iowa or New Hampshire against fellow Cubano gusano Sen. "Tailgunner Ted" Cruz or neo-fascist fartbag Donald "Rump" Trump, so he's ramping up the unhinged rhetoric to please the mouthbreathers. On yesterday's poo-fling with ABC's George Steponaflagpinopolous, Glug Glug kept claiming that President Obama wanted to take guns away from law-abiding citizens. Unexpectedly, the host pushed back by saying that Glug Glug's statement (and his ad saying the same) had been refuted by fact checkers, and asked when Obama said he wanted to take guns away from gun owners. The slimy Senator responded, "Well, if he could, he would." He then went on to recite every National Rampage Rifle Association talking point, which boil down to "we can't stop every mass shooting, so why try?" and "you need to buy more guns, even if you're on the no-fly list!"

With his unsavory family connections coming under scrutiny of late, and his bellicose neocon approach to foreign affairs not resonating with the nativist Rethuglican / New Confederate / Stupid / Shooter party base, the callow and ambitious Glug Glug is grasping for a distinguishing issue that will get him out of the low double digits, but lying about President Obama's agenda on gun safety and the Second Amendment is just pro forma among his party's candidates.