He Had To Watch: Risking Hellfire For Trillions

The Super Bowl LIV halftime performance of singers / dancers Shakira and Jennifer Lopez has gotten praise as one of the best. We're not here to evaluate it, but loopy right-wing religious crank Dave Daubermire is. He wants $867 trillion with a "t" from the NFL, Pepsi and others for making him stare at the dancers in their skimpy outfits and putting him "in danger of hellfire":

"I think we ought to sue,” he said. “Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son—whose hormones are just starting to operate—was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?” [ed. -- Sounds like some projection there].

“I think we ought to go sit down in a courtroom and present this as evidence of how whoever [put on the halftime show] is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of Heaven,” Daubenmire added. “Could I go into a courtroom and say, ‘Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire’? Could the court say, ‘That doesn’t apply here because the right to [produce] porn overrides your right to [not] watch it’? Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me I was gonna watch it! You just brought it into my living room. You didn’t tell me there were gonna be crotch shots!” (our emphasis)

Yeah, no one told Dave he "was gonna watch it!" Bastards! For someone who was deeply offended by the performance, he seems to have watched it carefully (probably so he could be a fact witness in court!).

Whether you liked the performance or not, you have the option of changing channels, etc. Apparently, Dave's remote wasn't working that day, but if he wins that $867 trillion lawsuit, he could get a new one. Then, he wouldn't be forced to stare at the tv, see "crotch shots," get sexually excited and risk "hellfire."

(photo: Stop looking Dave, stop... looking....hellfire, Dave, hellfire!)