"Trump was out playing a round of golf. It was a beautiful spring day and the birds were singing and the grass looked especially verdant, and he was in the best golf form of his life. Unfortunately, there were none of those little cardstock score sheets available. Fortunately, he had some official documents with him, so he decided to keep score on those. When he got the first hole-in-one he was amazed, and when he got the second he was awestruck, and when he went around the entire course in 18 miraculous strokes, he simply could not bear to part with the piece of paper on which he had written down this accomplishment. Well, wouldn’t you know? That piece of paper happened to be a nuclear document!
"Trump was told it was important that these documents stay safe in the
right hands because otherwise they might compromise national security,
so he has been holding them in his right hand or safe for the past two
years." -- Humorist Alexandra Petri, positing two of several excuses for how the Malignant Loser could have innocently ended up with highly classified nuclear weapons documents (allegedly!) at his residence at Mar-a-Lago.