Satirist Alexandra Petri has her take on Sen. Katie Britt's (Handmaiden-AL) Worst State of the Union Response Ever (sorry, Bobby Jindal and Marco Rubio!). Here's an excerpt:
SWEETIE, please DON’T go in the KITCHEN. I am delivering my State of the Union response!
Fellow MOMS, if you are like me,
you lie awake at 2 a.m., wondering how you can BE in three places at
once: this KITCHEN, the Senate and the opening monologue of a Purge
movie. But you see, we CAN do it, by WHISPERING slowly with an intensity
usually reserved for WASP moms trying to prevent their daughters from
making a SCENE in the J. Crew fitting rooms. (We’re not LEAVING yet PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER.) I am delivering these remarks
in a WAY that makes you think this isn’t ACTUALLY my kitchen and I’m
not SUPPOSED to BE here, but no one has dared REMOVE me because I am
SPEAKING in a TONE that makes the PROSPECT of interrupting me TOO
FRIGHTENING! [snip]
I
have another MESSAGE to moms: “GET INTO THE ARENA.” Remember, we are
“STEEPED in the BLOOD of PATRIOTS.” “Our DNA contains the same INGENUITY
that put MAN on the MOON.” And WOMAN in the KITCHEN. We don’t just have
a RENDEZVOUS with DESTINY.
We take destiny’s hand and we LEAD It. Though if I were dancing with
destiny I would FOLLOW it, obviously. Do not think that I (a woman) am
trying to LEAD. I’m in the Senate, but more importantly, I’m in the
KITCHEN.
Moms,
get into the ARENA. You are soaked in blood. Moms, bring precious life
into the world! The American Dream has become a nightmare. I’m in the
Senate. I’m in the kitchen. IVF is still legal! Y’all! The CCP is buying
land and making TikToks! You can’t make this UP! Here is a laugh! THIS
IS WHERE IT STARTS! OUR FUTURE IS RIGHT HERE, IN THE KITCHEN!
No sweetheart, Mommy is almost done!
Oh, yes. It. Was. That. Bad. (See "Tweets" below for more takes.)
She's had her 15 minutes of "fame." Let's now try to wipe those words/ sounds/ sighs/ facial expressions that run the gamut from fake to phony out of our collective memories.
No comments:
Post a Comment