Collin Woodard at Jalopnik has an obituary for South Afrikaner fascist Elon "Leon" Musk's Cybertruck panzerwagen. Please bow your heads:
The incredible news just keeps coming after Tuesday's huge victory for everyone not named Elon Musk. After a little more than three years blighting our roads, filling divorce court parking lots, and getting recalled for all of its parts falling off, the Tesla Cybertruck is dead. Never trust Elon Musk further than you can throw him, but early Friday morning, Tesla's CEO tweeted that the company will wind down production of the Cybertruck before finally killing it once and for all at some point next year.
Posting at 12:30 a.m. Texas Freedom Time, a very normal time that every major CEO is awake and making important business announcements, Musk tweeted, "Tesla will be winding down production of the Cybertruck at Gigafactory Texas around the middle of next year to make room for increased Cybercab production." So there's no word twisting or reading between the lines required. Tesla's Texas Gigafactory will cease production of the Cybertruck next year, and that's the only place Tesla builds the Cybertruck.
Yes, you read that right, folks. The Tesla Cybertruck is dead, and Woke 3 killed it. The Jalopnik staff, Barack Obama, and Karl Marx drove to Elon's house and made him do it. We have that power now. There's lightning in our veins, fire in our eyes, and soon to be a path of destruction in our wake. If we can kill the Tesla Cybertruck, what can't we do? Universal healthcare? Abolishing the electoral college? Free trans for everybody? Finally receiving a sincere apology from my mom? In 2027, we're making it happen....The Tesla Cybertruck will be no more, and Woke will have won. What a wonderful way to wrap up this already incredible election season. Republicans lost, Elon lost, Texas went blue, the Cybertruck is dead, and America will soon be free once again. God bless America, and God bless these United States.
Texas going solid blue (Woke!) or continuing panzerwagen production? Wow, that's a tough choice!
(Photo: the joke writes itself -- Cybertruck explodes outside Trump hotel in Las Vegas, January 1, 2025 / Alcides Antunes, via Reuters, File Photo)
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