Pharma Bro And His Smirk Convicted

After five days of deliberations, a jury has convicted sociopathic cocksplat Martin "Pharma Bro" Shkreli of multiple felony counts:

Martin Shkreli, the eccentric former pharmaceutical CEO notorious for a price-gouging scandal and for his snide "Pharma Bro" persona on social media, was convicted Friday on federal charges he deceived investors in a pair of failed hedge funds. 

A Brooklyn jury deliberated five days before finding Shkreli guilty on three of eight counts. He had been charged with securities fraud, conspiracy to commit securities fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud. 

Shkreli, upbeat and defiant outside court afterward, called his prosecution "a witch hunt of epic proportions" but conceded that maybe the government had found "one or two broomsticks."  (our emphasis)

The loathsome little shit, who has appropriated some of his hero and fellow sociopath Donald "Rump" Trump's terminology (note his calling his prosecution a "witch hunt" -- that's not accidental), could face up to 20 years in jail. He'll be appealing his conviction, of course, and working on his image in the meantime:

Asked about his client's social-media antics, attorney Ben Brafman said it was something they would be working on. 

"There is an image issue that Martin and I are going to be discussing in the next few days," he said, adding that while Shkreli was a brilliant mind, sometimes his "people skills" need work. As he spoke, Shkreli smiled and cocked his head quizzically in mock confusion.  (our emphasis)

If he does end up in prison (please please please!), he's going to have to be in protective custody thanks to his "eccentric" (read smarmy, sniveling, weaselly, punchable) persona. And he'd better be careful about those "broomsticks" in the clink.

BONUS:  Some reactions on Twitter --

Well, there goes my think piece positing that Martin Shkreli will get the WH communications director job

— Alex Danger Thomas🐩 (@Alex_Thomas_01) August 4, 2017

"Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli guilty on three charges of fraud; may soon get to find out how prison inmates like it when you smirk at them. pic.twitter.com/jd6Plksc01

— Donald J Orwell (@DonaldJOrwell) August 4, 2017

Bazinga! pic.twitter.com/itACsedfmN

— Schooley (@Rschooley) August 4, 2017

Sitcom pitch: Martin Shkreli and Stephen Miller in a prison cell together

— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) August 4, 2017

Right now all the prison gangs are fighting over who's going to have to break in Martin Shkrelli.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 4, 2017

"S'up playas? I tell you guys how I bought that secret Wu-Tang album?"
*pummeled with battery-filled sweatsock* https://t.co/ylrjhhgM2t

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 4, 2017

Martin Shkreli at prison commissary:
"Can I buy shower sandals?"
"That'll be $700"
"I thought it was $13.50"
"The price suddenly went up"

— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) August 4, 2017

(Photo: The most punchable face in America.)

Pharma Bro and Racist Sheriff On Trial

Two despicable clowns are headed to court today: Martin "Pharma Bro" Shkreli, the monster that hiked drug prices for a critical life saving drug by 5,000 percent and allegedly defrauded investors, and former Maricopa Co., AZ Sheriff Joe "Pink Undies" Arpaio, the bigoted sheriff who enjoyed humiliating prisoners in his jail and who defied a court that ordered him to stop profiling people.

Pharma Bro was involved in what Federal prosecutors have called a Ponzi scheme to shift money to a hedge fund he managed from a biopharmaceutical company producing the life-saving drug. The drug, Daraprim, had cost $13.50 per pill prior to him becoming chief executive of Turing Pharmaceuticals; Shkreli took it to $750 per pill. Prosecutors say Pharma Bro lied to his hedge fund investors about its financial health, and stole money from the drug company to cover losses. He presents a very arrogant, defiant front, and has threatened and taunted people through social media.

Meanwhile in Arizona, Pink Undies Arpaio (so dubbed because he dressed his prisoners in pink underwear) faces criminal misdemeanor charges for violating a Federal court order for 18 months to cease racially profiling and detaining Latinos in making traffic stops. While Arpaio is lionized by far-right wing xenophobes, Latino immigration advocates say his arrests of undocumented aliens have fractured families and caused misery in the Latino community.

Unsurprisingly, both Pharma Bro and Pink Undies are big fans of neo-fascist con artist Donald "Rump" Trump. Don't be surprised if he pardons these two malevolent losers later.