Marco Roboto Declared A Winner! (By Beltway Media)

As widely predicted, the Republican "establishment" wired Beltway media were quick to declare lightweight, easily panicked gusano Sen. Marco "Roboto" Rubio (R-Mattel) a "winner" for his second- place showing in the South Carolina Republican primary yesterday. A few examples.

Here's purveyor of Beltway nostrums Chris "Lizard" Cillizza, who practices in the school of politics- is- a- horse- race (and he's the horse's ass - rimshot!), on his favorite pony in the once great Washington Post Bezos Bugle today:

Marco Rubio: The Florida senator got what he needed tonight: a clear signal that he is the establishment candidate who can win. Bush getting out of the race opens up a massive amount of major donor money for Rubio. Beating Ted Cruz was likely just icing on the cake. Rubio should be well positioned to do well in Nevada in three days' time — a showing that will solidify him as the clear alternative to Trump. This was, without question, Rubio's best night of the race — and the one that makes clear that he is in the race to stay and, maybe, to win.  (our emphasis)

Well, he had a great night if by "great" you mean finishing 73,970 votes behind Donald "Rump" Trump and ending up with 0 (nada) delegates compared with Rump winning all 50 at stake!  Keep pumping air into that balloon, Lizzard!  Hey, he beat one of Lizzard's "losers" "Tailgunner Ted" Cruz by a little over 1,000 votes!  Landslide!

Example two is in the form of a Freudian slip uttered by Chuck "Not My Job" Todd (h/t Crooks & Liars):



Look, we get it.  The CW is that eventually the race will boil down to a face off between Rump and either young Marco or "Tailgunner Ted."  At least that's the CW until people realize Rump has gathered a large plurality of the delegates in the Rump- favorable primaries coming up, while the other two divide up the not- Rump vote (with Kasich maybe winning some in the Midwest).

Unfortunately, the corporate media's desire to have its long- cherished narrative of young Marco Roboto, man of the 21st Century, facing either "yesterday's news" Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders is so unshakable that, regardless of facts (Marco Roboto has a grand total of 10 delegates after 3 contests;  Rump has 67), he will be deemed a "winner" just by showing up and competing, as Bob Schooley amply illustrates here:

I'm keeping this handy for every primary day. pic.twitter.com/9dktLDTiZP

— Bob Schooley (@Rschooley) February 20, 2016

The Media And Marco Roboto (UPDATED)

We (and fellow bloggers) have noted the fact that the corporate "mainstream" media has been rooting for sweaty gusano Sen. Marco "Glug Glug" Rubio (R-Mattel) since the beginning of his candidacy.  Their problem has been that young Glug Glug, since Gov. Chris "Krispykreme" Christie (Thug-NJ) gutted him in the Republican "debate" prior to the New Hampshire primary, has been revealed as an over- programmed empty suit with a tendency to panic when forced to go off script (Ed. note: that's the real indictment of young Glug Glug as a potential President).   What to do?  Well, simply re- craft your stories to detect a "comeback" for young Glug Glug that no one else can see!

Gary Legum looks at Glug Glug's appeal to the media, even when it's clear both the candidate and his campaign are pathetic:

Observers have long noted the kid gloves Rubio gets on both the campaign trail and often onstage in the Republican debates. Which was why Chris Christie’s effective attack on him in the last New Hampshire debate was surprising only to people who had not noticed it before.  [snip]

What accounts for this phenomenon? There are a couple of possibilities. Rubio running in the general election against either Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton would give the media the sort of easy youth-vs.-experience narrative that has fueled more than one presidential campaign in the past. Rubio is young and telegenic, and you can see the press corps get excited about that the way they got excited about Barack Obama in 2008 or (ironically) Bill Clinton in 1992. Rubio is fresh-faced! He’s relatable! He likes football and rap music! He got busted for underage drinking once!

"And he'll take us back to 19th Century America!" (h/t old classmate Peter Fenn)

The ineptitude of young Glug Glug's campaign can be demonstrated both in a visual and substantive way in this one fact- averse ad, which not only bollixes the old Reagan trope of "morning in America" by now suggesting decline rather than rebirth, but manages to use the skyline of ...  Vancouver, Canada, as its accompanying visual.  Hahahaha!  Well played, young Glug Glug!  Not to worry -- we're sure your adoring media will spin this as a subtle dig at Canadian ham Sen. "Tailgunner Ted" Cruz!



BONUS:  Elias Isquith has more.

UPDATE:  Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson had this to say about Glug Glug's appropriation of the Vancouver skyline:

“If Marco Rubio likes Vancouver’s waterfront that much, I’d encourage him to come check out our universal healthcare, public transit and Pride parade."