If Only We Had A Time Machine

Alexandra Petri tells us "when you should live, based on your ideology:"

What you believe:
“I don’t believe in vaccinating my kids!” 

When you should live:
1794, right before Edward Jenner made his breakthrough! 

You have every right to think this, but please don’t jeopardize everyone else’s herd immunity! And have fun treating your other medical ailments with leeches! 

What you believe:
“If the earth is getting warmer, it is not because of anything that humans are doing!” 

When you should live:
Approximately 8000 B.C., at the end of the last ice age, a time when we could say that with certainty! 

Hey, maybe the science isn’t settled. Just in case, settle in a time before scientists. You want to feel absolutely positive? That comes with a price. 

What you believe:
“I don’t believe women should have access to birth control.” 

When you should live:
3,000,000 B.C., when you can feel confident that no women have access to birth control because homo sapiens have not evolved yet. 

If you don’t believe in evolution, Oct. 26, 4004 B.C. should work just fine — one day before God built the Earth, by Bishop Usher’s calculation, anyway. Definitely no birth control then.

Ahh, if only we could "deport" the tea baggers and other reactionary cranks and dimbulbs back in time to when they should have lived.  ("Look, it's Jesus riding a dinosaur!")  We'd all be so much happier.