Monday, April 3, 2017

The Devil And Mrs. Butterworth




The, um, unusual understanding between (no)Vice President Mike "Dense" Pence and his wife (whom he calls "mother" -- paging Dr. Freud, paging Dr. Freud!) concerning avoiding opposite sex Temptation at all costs has reached an absurd level, if you can trust The Onion's reporting (of course you can!):
Expressing concerns about the propriety of being left alone with a syrup container of the opposite sex, Vice President Mike Pence reportedly asked his waiter Thursday to remove Mrs. Butterworth from the table until his wife arrived to join him at a local diner. “Excuse me, sir, would you please take this out of my line of sight until my wife gets here?” said Pence, who reportedly attempted to put the table’s sugar dispenser and salt and pepper shakers between him and the feminine syrup bottle before deciding that even having Mrs. Butterworth within arm’s reach could lead him to have impure thoughts. “It just would not be right for me to sit here alone with a woman-shaped container, particularly one as shapely as this. In fact, I would advise you to do the same for the man sitting over there—I see he is sitting very close to Mrs. Butterworth even though he appears to be wearing a wedding ring.” At press time, Pence had asked the waiter to pour syrup on his pancakes for him, as it would be unseemly to handle the curves of the plastic woman in such a public place.
Whatever you do, Mr. Pence, don't listen to this video (at least not without your wife mother):



(Image:  VP Pence averting his eyes from the woman-shaped container of Mrs. Butterworth. "Help! Mother!")

6 comments:

f said...

KUDOS "The Onion"!! But, who says this is not within the realm of reality & could've happened? Hmmmmmmmm11

W. Hackwhacker said...

We firmly believe this is NOT fake news!

Anonymous said...

This song was featured in a most memorable scene from NCIS. Diana Krall is great with this, but I have to say "Ziva" really smoked it! It may have been the French lyrics she included... or maybe it was the dress... Thanks for something spicy on a cloudy day! P.E.C.

W. Hackwhacker said...

Hmmm. You've piqued my interest, Ms. Cake! Bon voyage, by the way, and sayonara!

Bruce.desertrat said...

I think it's admirable for the staff of The Onion to gamely soldier on in this era of cheeto-colored-reality-beats-satire-every day. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to come in to work every day only to find out the President has tweeted something that the editorial board would have ocnsidered to out there even for The Onion

W. Hackwhacker said...

Excellent point! Trump is unwittingly (what other way would it be) stealing their thunder.