The Princess And The Pervert -- A Purely Republican Tale

You could search all day and you'd be hard pressed to find a couple as perfectly Republican as two covidiots named  Hillary Barq and Frank Scurlock.  What is it that makes them so quintessentially, purely Republican, you say? How about these vignettes, from the Brooklyn Paper, about a protest in the Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn involving the couple.  First Ms. Barq:

A handful of mostly out-of-state protesters held a small rally outside a Lorimer Street barbershop in Williamsburg on Tuesday, calling on the city and state to end the coronavirus shutdown — so that they can go to yoga and get their nails done!

“My fingernails are breaking, I’ve got hangnails, I’ve been getting my nails done for 14 years … I’m very much into yoga, I can’t go to my Bikram yoga studios, I can’t go get my eyelashes done, I can’t go and socialize with the people that are my friends,” said Mississippian Hillary Angel Barq. “It’s led me to depression, it’s made me not feel sexual — I mean it’s awful.”  [Ed.: "Oh, the humanity!"]

The gathering of roughly half a dozen people — outnumbered even by the amount of media covering the event — was organized by the pro-Trump group Liberate America together with the owners of Beard Barberia Cut and Shave at the corner of Grand Street.
The organization describes itself on its website as a “pro-Trump, pro-business, pro-individual rights, and anti-government overreach group.” (our emphasis)

If the name "Barq" rings a bell, you've probably had the misfortune of drinking Barq's Root Beer. Well, the oppressively put- upon Hillary Barq is the heiress to that brand of dubious origins.  There, now you have another reason to avoid it.

So, obviously she has no sense or taste when it comes to root beer, politics or public health.  And her "boyfriend," Frank Scurlock?

Scurlock, a former candidate for mayor in New Orleans and heir to an inflatable bounce house fortune, was arrested in 2017 for allegedly masturbating in the backseat of an Uber in California, for which he pled no contest in 2018, according to a report in the Times-Picayune.  (our emphasis)

[Insert inflatable sex doll joke here.]

NOLA.com picks up the sordid details:

The Uber driver told police and prosecutors she was driving on a freeway near Santa Monica when she heard sounds coming from the back seat, White said Friday, reading from the driver’s statement. Concluding that Scurlock was masturbating, the driver pulled over and opened the door, White said.

When she did, she said, she found Scurlock with his pants around his ankles, his shirt pulled up and his erect penis in his hand.

A moment, please...

 via GIPHY

In quickly closing our story of "The Princess and the Pervert -- A Purely Republican Tale," we'd like to leave you with the reaction of a local Brooklynite (which we heartily endorse) to the sociopathic socialite's antics:

“I don’t know her, but it looks like her position about what liberation is comes from a lot of privilege and from someone who really has no business talking about using the word ‘liberation’ in general I think,” said Alissa Vladimir as she watched the gathering. “Is she [Barq] from Williamsburg? Get the f— out of here!”

And they lived idiotically ever after.

(h/t Wonkette)