The Republican National Convention has its speakers all lined up ready to provide wall- to- wall white grievance, "radical socialists!", "Russia hoax!", more white grievance, god 'n' guns, crackpots, We Are Qanon, still more white grievance, more nuttery, all stitched together with nonstop lies -- repeat ad nauseam. Oh, and above all, All Praise and Glory to Dear Leader, who has insisted on appearing on all four nights of the convention!
Here are some of the fine people on their side that will be speaking:
-- Protectors of their castle from BLM hordes and definitely- not- racist Missouri man and wife Mark and Patricia McCloskey (who may or may not be packing);
-- Smirk, the privileged teenage MAGA hat twit who got his jollies blocking an elderly Native American man's protest in D.C., in January 2019, and who subsequently sued the Washington Post and CNN for basically pointing out that he was a privileged teenage MAGA hat twit;
-- Covidiot South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, who once provided Trump with a 4- foot scale model of Mt. Rushmore with Trump's puss on it;
-- Andrew Pollack, father of Parkland H.S. shooting victim Meadow Pollack and, counterintuitively, now a gun fondling nut;
-- If we're lucky, COVID Donnie's pencil- necked senior advisor Jared "Mr. Ivanka Trump" Kushner, who perhaps will provide an uplifting speech about how well the economy has done for him, how meritocracy is overrated, and what life is like in "Bone Saw" Bin Salman's pocket; and
-- Animatronic Rudolph Hess, who will introduce Dear Leader with a vein- bulging "Trump is America, America is Trump!" salute (ok, we made that one up... or did we?).
Finally, what are the odds any of these fine people will step up and provide their true thoughts about Dear Leader:
(Photo illustration by Slate)
