Satirist Alexandra Petri provides the alternate reality narrative of how the Malignant Loser must have viewed his arraignment on Thursday. Here's a snippet:
Donald Trump walked into the courtroom, head held high. It had taken a long time to reach the courtroom because he had to fight his way through a sea of big, strong men who were all crying like babies because of what was being done to him. All the way through the crowd, their hands had clutched at him while they bawled enormous, manly tears, blubbering “Sir” through the sobs.
“Sir,” the strong men wept. “Sir, we have never seen anything like this witch hunt, where people are trying to charge you with crimes just because you attempted to overturn the election! And we are all judges and lawyers, and one of us is even a fireman!” They held one another and sobbed. Several even tore their garments, though Trump was relieved to see that they had extra garments underneath. [snip]
Outside, millions of people cheered. There were millions of people there, not just a couple-dozen-odd folks, and they were all sobbing and bulging with muscle. They smelled like a milkshake.
“It is all right,” Donald Trump said. He waved his large hand magnanimously, and an eagle landed on it, not startling him even a little bit. “Soon, I will be president again and then we will not have to worry about elections anymore.”...
Petri, a master of the genre, always manages to skewer every pathological tic, every moronic moment, and every revelatory mannerism of the Malignant Loser so well. You might think it's easy to satirize a buffoonish clown like the Malignant Loser, who essentially writes his own script. But Petri always takes it to another level.
