Former Sen. Stevens Dead in Air Crash

Former Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens died late yesterday in a plane crash in southern Alaska. He was 86. A favorite target of Hackwhackers, Stevens was most recently known for the "bridge to nowhere" and was considered one of the masters of pork barrel politics, delivering many millions of dollars to the State of Alaska over his long (40 years) career. Former NASA Administrator Sean O'Keefe, who was also on the plane, is reported to have survived the crash.

Department of Unintentional Humor

"More than anyone else, you have taught me the meaning of representing my state." - - retiring Sen. Pete "What's My Cut?" Domenici (Rethug-NM).
"That's right, Ted." - - Sen. Robert "Porkie" Byrd (Coal-WV), shouting his agreement.

Two of the very worst pork barrel politicians, giving praise and shoutouts to a third, defeated felon Sen. Ted "Payoff" Stevens, father of the bridge to nowhere and other fiscal follies. Ted said his good-byes today in the Senate.

Uh, Ted? Before you leave, we need to inventory the silverware. Thanks!

Democrat Begich Wins Alaska Senate Seat

Last night, the Associated Press called the Alaskan Senate race for Democrat Mark Begich, currently mayor of Anchorage. He accumulated enough absentee ballots to surge ahead of incumbent felon Ted "Payoff" Stevens, who was the Senate expert on both the internet tubes and graft. That brings the count to 58 Democrats, with the Senate seats in Minnesota and Georgia yet to be determined.

It's also a mild blow to Alaskan Gov. Winky You Betcha, who many observers believed was prepared to resign as Governor and have herself appointed to the seat if Stevens won and was expelled from the Senate. As much as Winky hates Washington, she wants to get there in the worst way.

"Internet Tubes" Guilty

Rethug Sen. Ted "Internet Tubes" Stevens of Alaska has been found guilty of 7 felony counts in connection with his corruption trial in Federal court. Stevens was up for reelection, but now faces likely defeat by Democrat Mark Begich.

On a positive note, this will give Stevens plenty of free time to study "the internet tubes."

Rethuglican Down "The Tubes"?

Add Alaska Senator Ted "Internet Tubes" Stevens to the list of Rethug politicians that will be taking the perp walk soon. Stevens was indicted by a Federal grand jury today on seven counts of making false statements that concealed payoffs from Veco Energy in the form of improvements to his home. Hey, he's just being a Rethuglican; is that a crime?

"Corrupt Bastards Club"

A front page article in today's WaPo, "I'll Sell My Soul to the Devil," is a fine recap of the nexus of money and Rethug politics in Alaska. Two corrupt Rethug state representatives, Pete "I'll Sell My Soul to the Devil" Kott and Vic "Whoring" Kohring, have already been convicted of various bribery and conspiracy charges, as has a key influence peddler, Bill Allen. Three Rethug pols, Sen. Ted "Internet Tubes" Stevens, Rep. Don Young (pictured here), and Stevens' son, former Alaska state senator Ben "Didn't Fall Far from the Tree" Stevens, are under investigation, with Allen cooperating with Federal officials about the pols' sticky fingers.

The presumption of corruption has become such a given that several Alaska lawmakers have taken to wearing ballcaps with the initials "CBC" (for "Corrupt Bastards Club").