Smelly Shelly's Foreign Dealings

Gambling tycoon and Rethug sugar daddy Sheldon "Smelly Shelly" Adelson has promised to spend whatever's necessary of his $20 billion plus wealth in the service of the Rethuglican / New Confederate Party to defeat President Obama and Democrats. Smelly Shelly was about to go bankrupt just a few years ago when he struck a deal with some officials in Macau, China to open a vastly lucrative gambling operation. The problem with the deal is that Smelly Shelly may have bribed those officials in Macau to get the path cleared, a felony violation of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. The Las Vegas Sun has the details on the investigation into Smelly Shelly's foreign dealings, and they look very, um, interesting indeed.

(photo: "Job creator" Smelly Shelly Adelson enjoys creating jobs in Macau.)

Rethug Crime Blotter

He's barely been a U.S. Congressman for 3 weeks but Florida Rethug David "Reimburse Me" Rivera is already facing allegations that he siphoned off $60,000 in campaign funds for unexplained personal use. A state criminal investigation is underway to determine whether Reimburse Me violated campaign finance laws.

He looks like the male version of failed Delaware Senate candidate Christine "Witchy Woman" O'Donnell, who apparently lived off of campaign contributions as a perpetual candidate for whatever position opened up. Count on them to be the first to object to gummint spending and waste/fraud/abuse. It's how they roll.

Rethug Crime Blotter, Cont'd.

Former House Rethuglican Majority Leader Tom "The Cleaner" Delay was convicted today of money laundering and conspiracy to launder money by a Texas jury. He was convicted of channeling nearly $200,000 in corporate money illegally into Rethug legislative races in 2002. The Cleaner could face up to life in prison.

A complimentary Hackwhackers soap-on-a-rope is on the way to The Cleaner for those dicey prison showers. His appearances on Dancing With The Stars in 2009 probably won't help his image in the slammer. We wonder who will be the first prisoner to ask The Cleaner to cha-cha?

(photo: You the man, beotch!)

Rethuglican Crime Blotter

No major Rethug sex scandals this week, so that must mean it's time for a good old Rethug crime scandal. Former chairman of the Florida Rethug Party Jim "Greedy" Greer was indicted on six felonies for steering campaign contributions to his pockets. Greedy Greer had resigned his position with the Florida Rethugs earlier this year, after the allegations were made known. Interestingly, his indictment reflects on both Gov. Charlie Crist, running as an independent for Senator, and his Rethuglican challenger Marco "Boobie-o" Rubio: Crist for appointing him in the first place, and Boobie-o for reminding voters of Boobie-o's free-spending ways with the Rethug Party credit card.

With Greedy facing some 80 years in prison if / when convicted, Hackwhackers is sending him a complimentary soap-on-a-rope for those awkward prison showers.

Rethug Police Blotter - Police Edition

Since 1999, Page Co., VA, Sheriff Dan Presgraves (Rethug-Yahooville) has been wielding his authority with "rakish charm and raw power" (Kaplan Daily). Well, seems like Rakish Dan may have been a little too rakish and a little too raw, since he's just been sentenced to 19 months in prison and a $75,000 judgement for racketeering (bribery, extortion, conspiracy, money laundering) and sexual harassment. Among Rakish Dan's Rethug admirers and supporters are former Sen. George "Macaca" Allen, former Atty. Gen. Jerry Kilgore, and Rep. Frank Wolf (let the furious backpedaling begin!).

(Photo: Rakish ex-Sheriff Dan Presgraves, whom we hope will maintain a good grip on his soap where he's going.)

Rethug Consulting Firm Hired to Kill Freddie Mac Dereg

There are reports today that Rethug consulting firm DCI was paid $2 million 3 years ago to kill legislation that would have regulated and trimmed Freddie Mac, the recently bailed out mortgage lending giant whose questionable lending practices contributed to the catastrophic housing/ credit meltdown. DCI's chief executive, Doug "It Hasn't Been A" Goodyear, is an active Rethug consultant, having recently been paid to manage the Rethug hate fest in September.

Remember this the next time you hear McSleazy or his cohorts yapping about "Obama's buddies at Fannie and Freddie," since they're firm believers in the notion that if you repeat a lie often enough, enough people might believe it.

(H/t to Tokyo correspondent and new hubby Brian)

Quote of the Day

"Republicans are staying in Washington to argue that Big Oil deserves more taxpayer lands. Republicans must think Big Oil is paying them by the hour." - - Drew Hammell, press spokesman for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, commenting on the House Republicans' stunt to remain in town beyond last Friday's August recess to stage phony sessions on "gas prices."

UPDATE: John Cole wonders if anyone in our stellar media will notice that in the first four months of the year 1.6 million barrels of oil per day were being exported by U.S. oil companies. *crickets chirping*

Rethuglican Down "The Tubes"?

Add Alaska Senator Ted "Internet Tubes" Stevens to the list of Rethug politicians that will be taking the perp walk soon. Stevens was indicted by a Federal grand jury today on seven counts of making false statements that concealed payoffs from Veco Energy in the form of improvements to his home. Hey, he's just being a Rethuglican; is that a crime?