Without further delay, here's what you've been clamoring for: The Third Annual Hackwhackers Awards!!
Don't Call Us, We Won't Call You Award - To the "Party Unity My Ass" (PUMA) vaginal warriors for being willing to see John McClueless elected in order to assuage their sense of frustrated entitlement over Hillary Clinton's failed campaign. All twelve of you are now eligible to have your numb skulls liposuctioned.
Now You Get It Award - To former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan, whose tenure included the unregulated rise of the subprime market, which was a prime mover in the recent economic collapse. Greenspan, whom Ronnie Raygun installed at the Fed back in the '80s, said of his preaching the conservative mantra of deregulation for 18 years, "I made a mistake." That's one Rethug numbnut down, 50-plus million to go.
Extraordinary Accomplishments in Punditry Award - (Tie) To Wee Willie Kristol, who said on "Fox News Sunday," December 17, 2006: "If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she's going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then...Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I'll predict that right now." Wee Willie continues to purvey his special brand of crackpottery in the NY Times (though perhaps not for long). And... Charles "Kraphammer" Krauthammer on "Fox News," August 11, 2008: "It starts with taking over of South Ossetia, which has already happened. It goes on to the destruction of the Georgia armed forces, which is now happening. And the third [development] will probably be the replacement of the elected government, which is pro-Western, with a puppet government, which will probably follow in the next week or two." None of this, of course turned out to be true, but Kraphammer wasn't interested in truth; he wanted to create a foreign policy hot spot that his boy McClueless could parachute into to prove what a great leader he is. Brilliant! (h/t to the WaPo, Dec. 28)
Kristol Ball Award - To McClueless economic advisor Donald Luskin for saying, on September 14, 2008: "Anyone who says we're in a recession, or heading into one - especially the worst one since the Great Depression - is making up his own private definition of 'recession'" The following day, Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and - you know the rest. Since Wee Willie retired this trophy (formerly known as "The Stupidest Man Alive Trophy") by the body of his work, it's henceforth named in his honor (though we always know who the "real" winner is!). (h/t to WaPo, Dec. 28)
Hack(s) of the Year - A group award to the "mainstream TeeVee media" for once again proving against all hope that it could ignore or minimize the critical issues of a once- in- many- generations watershed election and instead find the most meaningless, lowest- common- denominator, brain dead things to focus on (we're looking at you, George Steponaflagpinopolous!). It was only until they couldn't possibly fail to notice the economy collapsing around them that they paid minimal attention to what might be best for America (hint: not Joe "the plumber"). How much longer before these cretins go the way of the print media?
We would be remiss if we didn't note the honest work of the much- maligned Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson, whose interviews with Gov. Winky helped expose her, um, shortcomings to the American people.
To all those we neglected to honor, we'll get you next year! To this year's losers - we mean "winners" - keep on hacking!
