As the Wasilla World Turns, Cont.

As we suspected a while ago, the engagement of Bristol Palin and Levi "Big Johnson" Johnston is toast. Saying "he played me," a tearful Bristol says she cut off Big Johnson (hee hee) on the same day they announced their engagement in a US Weekly cover story. Talk about a cover jinx!

Mama Grizzly/ Winky You Betcha issued a statement saying, "Without fear of refudiation, I have to say that girl is dumber than me!" No, actually, she said hopefully in the future Bristol will "know to trust but verify." Leave it to Mama Grizzly to drag St. Ronald Magnus Reaganus into the star-crossed couple's sordid little drama.

As The Wasilla World Turns

There are reports that soon-to-be Winky son-in-law Levi "Big Johnson" Johnston may have impregnated his ex-girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia, while separated from Winky's daughter, Bristol, who is said to be heartbroken at the news of Big Johnson's "accomplishment." Paternity tests are being conducted, since Garcia (dang them Meskin aliens!) apparently slept with three different guys the week that she likely became pregnant. . .classy!! We're taking bets that Big Johnson's "little swimmers" got there first.

We can't blame Big Johnson for his randy behavior. What is there to do in Wasilla those cold winter nights besides boinking and consuming the meth that your family produces?

(photo: Somebody's been a bad boy. . .again!)

Snowbilly Engagement News

Snowbilly couple Bristol Palin and babydaddy Levi Johnston and are getting married! The surprise nuptials were announced in the latest edition of "Bear Skinning Monthly" - er, no, "US Weekly." Interestingly enough, the lovebirds didn't tell Mama Grizzly about the engagement before the announcement, allowing as how Mama could be "intimidating and scary" (scary, yes). Bristol is hoping Mama's "on board" with it (hee hee). We expect to see 140 characters or less on Mama Grizzly's Twitter about it as soon as she changes her underwear.

Of course, we wish the couple well. Those family dinners will be something, though, given the animosity between Mama Grizzly and her son-in-law to be (she referred to him as "Ricky Hollywood" and made fun of his "aspiring porn" career). Mama and Todd purportedly offered Levi a car to break up with Bristol at one point in the past (with the money Mama's making off her sheeple, they should be able to offer Levi his own airplane by now).

(Photo: The happy (?) couple)

News Item

According to an interview in GQ magazine, the daughter of Alaska Gov. Winky You Betcha was offered a car if she broke up with her snowbilly boyfriend Levi Johnston. Johnston said Winky's husband, Todd the Moose Man, was the one offering his former girlfriend the car. Wonder if the Rethuglican National Committee would have been involved in the car purchase?

(photo: Todd the Moose Man conferring with Gov. Winky: "I'm going to offer Bristol a new Ferrari, paid for by the RNC -- what do you think, Wink?")

The Wasillabilly War, Cont'd.

After Levi Johnston claimed that he and Bristol Palin were "living together" during her pregnancy at the Governor's house, Gov. Winky You Betcha was asked in a press conference whether that was true. In a classic case of closing the barn door after the horses escaped, Winky said, "it would be over my dead body that a kid would live with my teenage daughter."

We look forward to the next salvo from the Johnston clan.

Young Love

There are reports in the media that Gov. Winky You Betcha's daughter, Bristol, has broken up with her baby daddy, snowbilly Levi Johnston. (Remember how the McSame campaign made a lot of noise about how they were getting married right away after Bristol's pregnancy was revealed?) Winky's family was obviously embarrassed several weeks ago when Johnston's mother was arrested on charges of selling Oxycontin (Rethug Dear Leader Limpballs' drug of choice). Quite a brood.

Can we expect a 6-part, made for TV series out of this? Maybe right before Winky announces her Presidential candidacy for the party of family values.

Unplugged

Levi Johnston, Gov. Winky You Betcha's (possible) future son-in-law and daughter Bristol's baby daddy, quit his job as an apprentice electrician, after it was disclosed that he failed to meet the requirement of being a high school graduate. The Anchorage Daily News -- which has been fearless in exposing Winky's fibs and hypocrisy -- is questioning whether the Governor pulled some strings to get the father of her grandchild a job, despite his lack of qualifications. Winky said the paper's was taking a "political potshot" (and she's an expert at political potshots), but after her ethics problems in Alaska, would it really surprise anyone if she had pulled some strings?

Bonus: Rising Hegemon had the best headline on the topic: "Thank Goodness He Can Fall Back On The Family Pharmaceutical Business"

All In The Family

The Anchorage Daily News reports that Sherry Johnston, the mother of Bristol Palin's baby daddy Levi Johnston, was arrested on six felony drug charges by Alaska State Troopers after an ongoing investigation. The drugs in question were not specified. Alaska Gov. Winky You Betcha was not available for comment, although multiple flushings of a toilet were heard outside of her office.

Wasilla has a reputation for being Alaska's methamphetamine capital, and during the Presidential campaign, there were rumors that Bristol and Levi ran with a pretty notorious group of stoners. Who would have thought Ma Johnston was one of them?