The Emburrissment to End

Improbable Blago appointee Sen. Roland "Emburrissing" Burris (Dumb-IL) is indicating he won't run in 2010. Apparently, Burris was having difficulty raising money for the primary race - a sure sign that the movers-and-shakers in the party will be looking elsewhere for their standard-bearer. Well, at least he has the "U.S. Senator 2009-10" for his grandiose "Monument to Me."

He Vaguely Remembers

Illinois Sen. Roland "Emburrising" Burris won't be facing perjury charges for his misleading statements about his appointment by indicted former Gov. Rod "Let's Make A Deal" Blagojevich. The state prosecutor in the case says that there's not enough hard evidence to indict him, given his "vague" statements under oath. Well, when you tell the Governor's brother that you'll do something for the Governor, as in "I could give him a check," and then say under oath that you had no contact with the Governor's team on the Senate appointment, it doesn't sound all that vague to us. We're betting that it doesn't sound so vague to Illinois Democrats, who will have their primary election next year.

(photo: "I had my fingers crossed on my left hand")

The Emburrisments Continue

Newly released FBI wiretap transcripts show that Sen. Roland "Emburrising" Burris may be in for a world of trouble over the pay-to-play auctioning of the Senate seat by former Gov. Rod "Let's Make A Deal" Blagojevich. The transcripts show that, in talking with Blago's brother, Emburrising clearly wanted to get the Senate appointment, but was wondering how to get campaign contributions to the former Governor without being discovered.

He's changed his story multiple times in sworn affidavits and testimony, and in the media. There may now be evidence of perjury committed when he testified under oath in the former Governor's impeachment trial that there were no contacts on the subject of contributions in exchange for appointment to the Senate. His ego won't allow him to go voluntarily; he saw this appointment as the highlight of his career, something he had a stong hunger for. Now, it may earn him expulsion and possible time in jail.

An Em-Burrisment To Illinois

Illinois Sen. Roland "Look Everybody, I'm A Senator!" Burris apparently wasn't truthful in his sworn statement that he had no discussions with anyone in former Gov. Rod "Let's Make A Deal" Blagojevich's camp concerning the vacant Senate seat. Burris has had no fewer than 5 different versions of his contacts with associates of the former Governor and future jailbird. Now, he's admitting that he tried to raise campaign funds for the former Governor at the same time that he was asking the Rodmeister to appoint him to the Senate. Uh, sort of like "pay to play?"

Burris was an embarrassment to begin with, someone looking for a fast track to "glory" that he hadn't achieved in previous elections. Today, calls for his resignation are growing, with the Washington Post and Chicago Tribune being the latest. The Senate Ethics committee will be looking into this latest twist, with the potential for Burris to be expelled for giving false testimony. It's unlikely that this goof will leave quietly or quickly. This was his big chance at fame, but he couldn't keep his story straight or, apparently, honest.

(photo: Burris giving version #12 of his contacts with Blagojevich's office)

By Hook Or By Crook

By crook, in this case. Roland Burris, appointed by impeached Illinois Gov. Rod "Let's Make A Deal" Blagojevich to fill Obama's Senate seat, was sworn in today by (President) Dead-eye Dick Cheney. Burris had previously lost 4 statewide elections in Illinois, and was retired from politics when Illinois' shady governor decided to play games with the vacant seat. The egotistical Burris finally has his golden ring, however tarnished, but he'll be hard pressed to be returned to the Senate in the 2010 elections. At least he can have "U.S. Senator" chiseled on his grandiose tomb now.

A Burris Under The Saddle

Is there a bigger fall guy in American politics today than Illinois' Roland Burris? Illinois Gov. Rod "Hair Clown" Blagojevich, who cynically appointed him to fill the soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat of President-elect Obama, is hoping for a last laugh before he's indicted, convicted and jailed. Sadly, instead of turning down the tainted offer, as did other Dems, Burris accepted, apparently because it's his last chance at "glory" that's eluded him for years. The guy even has a grandiose cemetery monument ready with his accomplishments to date chiseled in stone.

There are reports that Burris may try to enter the Senate chamber next Tuesday, when new Senators are sworn in. Senate leaders are vowing to bar him from the chamber, but the circus created will certainly cause an big uproar. Expect the Rethugs to smirk and play the righteous party, the racial extortionists to cry foul, and the Senate Dems to mess up the situation further.