We agree with Steve M.'s prediction that, regardless of the outcome of the Iowa caucuses tonight, the corporate media will declare
Sen. Marco "Glug Glug" Rubio (R-MIAmi) the winner.
As Steve explains:
... If Rubio is in third place, if he's less than 10 points behind the winner, and if he wins a moderate number of delegates, he'll be on the front page of every mainstream media news site tomorrow -- yes, in a three-shot with #1 and #2 on many sites, but often in a two-shot with just the winner, and sometimes alone. (I think it'll be his face you see on Fox sites, given Rupert Murdoch's increasingly obvious preference for him. NBC News, too -- if you have the phrase "establishment lane" in a Chuck Todd drinking game over the next week, you might want to write a will before playing, because Todd's going to tell us endlessly that Rubio is the undisputed master of said lane.)
We would like to add one more sign of the media's hoped- for Marcomentum from the prince of Republican- wired Beltway CW,
Chris "Lizard" Cillizza (no link):
For Rubio, leapfrogging Cruz into second place would be a major boost heading into New Hampshire, and probably would make him the favorite to finish as the runner- up to Trump in the Granite State. A muddled second- third result in Iowa -- Cruz ahead but barely -- would also work to Rubio's advantage, although less so than a clean second.
Third place!
Scoreboard! Everybody gets a trophy, but you get the
biggest one, young Marco!
You can almost hear the hearts of these Republican- wired, politics- as- horse- race touts beat faster as they think of their boy finally getting the training wheels off his bike. If they have to give him a little push, or help him balance as he pedals away, so be it. ("If the Republican voters won't coalesce behind Glug Glug, then, by God we'll tell them what's good for them!") Yeah, we'll see how this latest desperation move by the Republican "establishment," its mega- donors
=cough= Koch brothers =cough= and, of course, its supportive media hacks works out.
First, meanwhile, they'll have to find young Marco to tell him of his great victory (h/t
The Onion, via Silver Spring Bureau Chief Brian, TCIITM):
UNKNOWN LOCATION—The brightly lit, stark-white room gradually coming into focus as he regained consciousness, GOP presidential candidate Marco Rubio reportedly awoke in the Koch brothers’ secret compound Thursday and reached suddenly to his throbbing head to discover a cold metal device implanted behind his left ear. [snip]
Sources confirmed that the senator was then forced to repeat thousands of talking points about how outdated labor regulations empower unions without actually creating opportunities for workers, and was repeatedly prompted by the voice to give a detailed explanation as to how a preferred plan that drastically cuts corporate taxes would create jobs. When Rubio fumbled an answer or paused for too long, he would reportedly be brought to his knees by a piercing, high-decibel frequency, followed by the voice calmly suggesting that he “try to pay a little closer attention.”
After Rubio was finally able to argue to the voice’s satisfaction that pending environmental protection legislation would ultimately hurt everyday consumers, a slot is said to have opened in the wall and a tray containing a glass of water and three slices of bread was pushed through.
It's getting harder and harder to distinguish fiction from reality, isn't it?!
