Taps For Larry

Former Idaho Rethug Sen. Larry "I'm Not Gay" Craig has dropped any further appeals of his arrest for disorderly conduct stemming from an undercover sting in a Minneapolis airport bathroom. Prior to his 2007 arrest, stories persisted for years about Craig's soliciting sex in bookstores, Washington's Union Station, and other places.

What's in Craig's future (in addition to a messy divorce and a pair of leather chaps)? He plans to form a consulting company. Maybe he could team up with Mark Foley and Ted Haggard to provide advice to public figures in the closet about how to say "I'm not gay" with a straight (heh heh) face.

"Wide Stance" Loses Sex Appeal*

The Minnesota Court of Appeals has rejected Sen. Larry "Wide Stance" Craig's appeal to withdraw his guilty plea to misdemeanor disorderly conduct for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer last year in a Minneapolis airport bathroom. After the arrest was made public, Wide Stance has maintained that his foot tapping and hand signals to the undercover officer were misinterpreted. Uhh . . .yeah. Wide Stance is indicating that he will continue to appeal the decision, so more hilarity is ahead.

The senator chose not to run in this year's Senate race in Idaho, since it's hard to run in Idaho without changing your wide stance and stopping your foot tapping.
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*we couldn't resist that headline

Department of Unintentional Humor

From Sen. Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, speaking of our dependence on foreign oil:

"They have us by the gas nozzle."

Such a naughty boy.

Hope You Get Lucky, Larry!

Several Senators, including public bathroom sex icon Senator Larry "The Tapper" Craig, will be traveling to Bali, Indonesia for a conference on global warming. Some helpful tips for Larry's after hours "social mixing" are provided by the estimable Princess Sparkle Pony. Oh, and Larry? Remember that Indonesia is a Muslim country (you know, flog flog, chop chop). Enjoy.

Larry Craig Inducted Into Idaho Stall of Fame, Hall of Shame, Hell of. . .Oh Forget It

This is for real.

The Lewd Larry Saga, Cont'd.

A Minnesota judge has ruled that Rethug Senator "Lewd" Larry Craig can't withdraw his guilty plea, stemming from an airport bathroom sting in June. Although he had earlier promised to resign from the Senate if his plea couldn't be withdrawn, he's making noises that he may appeal and drag it out. Yes! It would be great to see the Rethugs squirm for a few months as Lewd Larry's name pops up in news reports and late night monologues, over and over again. Go, Larry, go!

Meanwhile, Lewd Larry has been assigned new office space (see photo) in the Senate Office Building, pending his appeal. He's being careful not to tap his foot.

UPDATE: Lewd Larry's saying he's going to finish his term in office. The plopping sounds you hear are Rethugs unloading in their pants.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

He's baaaaack! Sen. Lewd Larry Craig (R-Men's Room) is indicating through his spokesmen that he is reconsidering his intent to resign from the Senate on September 30. Those thuds you just heard are the collective jaws of Rethuglicans hitting the floor. Just when they thought they'd flushed. . . um, washed their. . .um, tap danced. . . oh, hell. Just when they thought Lewd Larry was history.

Here's hoping that Lewd Larry keeps himself in the political spotlight for months to come. It will remind Americans of the rank hypocrisy of "family values" Rethugs who vote one way and live another, and (as Craig once said of President Clinton) of what a "nasty, bad, naughty boy" Lewd Larry is.

Lewd Larry Blows...er, Goes

Sen. Lewd Larry Craig (Rethug-Men's Room) is purportedly going to resign his Senate seat tomorrow, Sept. 1. (That's because he's been a bad boy, some might even say a nasty, bad, naughty boy. Heh.) The Rethug leadership is determined to clear the decks of this annoying little reminder of what a collection of liars, hypocrites, weasels, and assorted asswhistles they are. By the way, has anyone been pressuring Sen. Diaper Dave Vitter to resign? Why not? (Answered, per Glenn Greenwald's analysis noted here the other day.)

Anyway, is anyone out there taking bets on the next Rethug hypocrite to be exposed? Missy McConnell? Lindsey? Perhaps someone in the lower chamber? Or perhaps more Rethug corruption indictments? Let's give these miserable treadmarks the punishment they so richly deserve.

Help for Lewd Larry

One of our readers, who wishes to remain anonymous, has pointed us to a more credible explanation that Sen. "Lewd Larry" Craig (Rethug-Men's Room) should consider next. Again, it's courtesy of our friends at the Onion.

Photo: male model demonstrating the "wide stance" so common in men's rooms -- ok, it's Montgomery Clift.

Same Old Song

Right wing Sen. Larry "Lewd Larry" Craig (Rethug-ID), center in photo, issued his formal statement yesterday concerning his arrest and guilty plea to disorderly conduct/lewd behavior in an airport mensroom incident in Minneapolis in June. Keeping a straight (no pun intended) face throughout, Lewd Larry refused to acknowledge that he plays the pink piccolo, and blamed it all on a media vendetta by the Idaho Statesman newspaper. He had no explanation for the fact that he had sufficient time between his arrest in June and his court appearance in August to consider at length whether he should plead guilty. He also didn't discuss his flashing of his Senate business card, asking "What do you think about this?" to the arresting officer in an attempt to intimidate him. Lewd Larry has now lawyered up, and faces a Senate ethics investigation.

It's interesting that the first words out of his mouth were, "thank you all very much for coming out today," a Freudian slip if there ever was one.

We Ignore, You Decide

Here's the lead story from this morning's 9 a.m. newscasts:

MSNBC: Sen. "Lewd" Larry Craig's mensroom bust.

CNN: Sen. "Lewd" Larry Craig's mensroom bust.

Fox: Cross-country murder suspect arraignment; Midwest storms; Arkansas bridge closure; Idaho...yes, yes... wildfires! D'oh!

No Sen. Craig? Not even 'Berto? Just what we've come to expect from GOP-TV. (Maybe their graphics department is still working on "Sen. Larry Craig (D-ID)").

UPDATE: Media Matters confirms Fixed News' bias.

Lewd Larry's Predickament

Reports have come out today that ultraconservative Rethug Senator Larry Craig (Rethug - ID) was arrested in June in the Minneapolis airport for misdemeanor disorderly conduct for lewd behavior. The mensroom where Lewd Larry was arrested was targeted by police after reports of sexual activity. He pled guilty in August to the charge, and was fined $1000, paid $575 in fees, and given a 10-day sentence. He now says he shouldn't have pled guilty. Riiiight.

As you may remember, during last fall's elections, Lewd Larry was one of the names circulating as a closet gay during the Mark Foley scandal. He was rumored to have engaged in sex acts in the bathrooms at Union Station, not far from the Senate office building. At the time, Craig and his staff dismissed the rumor.

Looks like there'll be a new senator from Idaho next time: they don't understand these things out there.

UPDATE: The web site for Flip/Mitt/Mutt/Mousse Romney's presidential campaign has taken down a video that has Craig praising Romney. "He has very strong family values," Craig says on the video, "that's something I grew up with and believe in." He apparently said this with a straight face.