Don Juan Ensign Leaving?

Sources are reporting today that beleaguered Rethug Sen. John "Don Juan" Ensign (Adulterer-NV) will not seek reelection in 2012. The ethically challenged Ensign is under investigation by the Senate Ethics Committee over questions of payoffs-for-silence during the implosion of his affair with the wife of a chief aide. Ensign may have had a tough reelection fight, although the example of Rethug Sen. Diaper Dave Vitter (Pampers-LA) winning reelection in Louisiana in 2010 might make the argument to the contrary, given the demonstrably low standards of the Rethug base.

(Photo: Sen. Don Juan Ensign, Cialis male model in waiting?)

Rethug Sex Blotter - Gumbo Edition

We reported a few weeks ago that Sen. "Diaper Dave" Vitter (Rethug-Depends) got a last-minute challenger in the Rethuglican primary in Louisiana, fella by the name of Chet Traylor (a former State Supreme Court judge). Now it looks like the primary's family-values quotient is going through the roof with the disclosure that Nail'er Traylor is sleeping with the estranged wife of his stepson. WTF is in the gumbo down there?!

Diaper Dave To Be Challenged

Louisiana Rethug Sen. Diaper Dave Vitter thought he was going to cruise into the general election with Democratic Rep. Charles Melancon... until now. At the last minute, former Louisiana State Supreme Court justice Chet Traylor jumped into the Rethuglican primary to challenge Diaper Dave. Traylor is a practicing uber right-winger who's expected to take on Diaper Dave from the right (meaning he's likely to bring up Diaper Dave's moral shortcomings). Diapers! Prostitutes! Staff felons!

Melancon and Louisiana Democrats can only smile.

Moment of Zen

Time: Approximately 8 a.m., Friday, November 20
Place: MSNBC's "Morning Joe" originating from New Orleans
Description: Joe "Doucheborough" Scarborough was talking to Rethug Sen. David "Diapers" Vitter about the response to Hurricane Katrina. He was describing being on the Mississippi Gulf coast looking for Red Cross volunteers, and found them handing out bottled water and. . .drum roll. . .diapers!

Diapers Vitter didn't appear to flinch or redden at the mention of that article of clothing that his prostitute acquaintance said he liked to wear during their steamy sessions together. Great unintentional moment of Zen, Doucheborough! And well played, Diapers!

Quote of the Week

"I'm on the side of conservatives getting back to core conservative values...We strayed from them in the past few years..." -- Sen. Diaper Dave Vitter (Rethug-Bordello) in the Washington Times, responding to Sen. Voinovich's criticism of the regionalization of the Rethug Party.

(Image: Diaper Dave Vitter, straying in search of someone to spank him)

Senate Comedies

Daily Kos has a few items today on the rump that is the Rethug Party these days:

-- Outgoing Sen. George Voinovich (R-OH) has a few choice words for fellow Rethugs of the southern-fried variety, like "there are too many of them" (specifically, Jim "DeMented" DeMint and Tom "Got Some 'Splainin' To Do" Coburn).

-- Sen. Diaper Dave Vitter (Rethug-Bordello) foolishly used the word "luvfest" in an ad blasting Democrats. The Democrats then proceeded to spank Diaper Dave jes the way he like it.

Diaper Dave's Airport Follies

Last week's incident at Dulles Airport involving DC madam client and Louisiana Rethug Sen. David "Diaper Dave" Vitter is now being investigated by the Transportation Security Administration. To recap, Diaper Dave threw a tantrum when he missed boarding his flight to New Orleans, opened an alarmed gate to try to access the airplane, and ran off when airlines officials called security.

One comic noted that Diaper Dave must have been rushing to avoid a cancellation fee on prostitute services. The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee's spokesman said, "Sooner or later, Sen. Vitter should learn to control himself." But then, Diaper Dave wouldn't need diapers.

Diapers Vs. DD-Cup?

Louisiana Rethuglican Senator David "Diapers" Vitter, he of the DC Madam's client list, may be facing a tough competitor in 2010: porn star Stormy Daniels (gratuitous juvenile comment: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! Wooo!)

Diapers, who was famously described as receiving the "services" of prostitutes while wearing diapers, had his teary, smarmy "please-forgive-me" moment a couple of years ago with his wife, looking rather tacky herself in a leopard print top. Diapers has been one of the stalwart "conservatives" trying to pull his party even further right, and trying to make voters forget about his, um, non-conservative behavior.

Good luck, Diapers, but we'll be rooting for the true professional in the race: Stormy!

The Missing Link

Lousiana Rethug Senator David "Diaper Dave" Vitter has earmarked $100,000 in Federal funds to support a Louisiana group that has been challenging the teaching of Darwinism in public schools. Diaper Dave, who was caught up in the D.C. Madam sexcapade and who used to parade himself around as a "family values" Rethug, also has yet to truthfully answer a New Orleans prostitute's charge that he frequented her establishment several times, and liked to wear a diaper on his visits.

Maybe Diaper Dave should consider earmarking funds for psychological counseling of self-righteous right wingers who don't walk the talk, but who insist that others do.

(photo: Vitter going out for a night on the town)

"Sen. Vitter, Call Your Office"

Senator and D.C. Madam client David Vitter (Rethug-LA) is apparently in hiding, having missed several meetings and hearings on the Hill today and yesterday, and well he should be. His wife Wendy, after all, has been quoted as saying she would treat adultery on his part in the same manner as Lorena "Ginsu" Bobbitt did. Now comes word that Vitter is linked to a brothel in New Orleans, of which he was also a regular customer, according to the former madam there, Jeannette Maier.

Of course, what makes Vitter such a worthy candidate for Bobbitting is not just his betrayal of his wife and children, but his sanctimonious hypocrisy (even for a Rethug), sermonizing about the sanctity of marriage while doing the missionary mambo, and saying (in 1998) that President Clinton should resign because of the Lewinsky affair. When you're not concentrating on keeping sharp objects out of your wife's hands, you should try penning a resignation letter yourself, Sen. Zipper.

Update: The Rethug spinmeisters are in full Defcon III ho damage control. *ucker Carlson, on his smug show today, tried to badger Michael Rectenwald, of Citizens for Legitimate Government, into apologizing for being one of the groups outing Sen. Zipper. Saying Zipper's sex life should be his own business, *ucker committed Rethug apostasy: one could infer from *ucker's new-found sensitivity that the Rethugs may have wrongly and salaciously inflated Bill Clinton's peccadilloes into an impeachment charade; and *ucker may have also abandoned a prime Rethug tenet that snooping into America's bedrooms was the business of every right-thinking right-winger.

Call Me, Madam

Rudy "McRomney" Giuliani's Southern Regional Chairman, Sen. David Vitter (Rethug-LA) apologized today for having used the escort service of the "D.C. Madam, " Deborah Palfrey. Vitter's number was found in the phone records kept by Palfrey that are now available on Palfrey's web site. This marks yet another bad personnel decision by Rudy, given his previous associations with Bernard Kerik and, a more recent blow (pardon the expression), Thomas Ravenel (his South Carolina connection -- pardon the expression).

With this record of achievement picking stellar fellers, one wonders whom Rudy would staff his administration with (Paris Hilton, Dept. of Homeland Security?). With a little luck, we'll never have to worry about that.