From the Rethug Crime Blotter...

Troglodyte Justice Antonin Scalia's daughter, Ann Scalia Banaszewski, was convicted of driving under the influence yesterday in Illinois. Ms. B. had 3 of her children in the car when she was stopped on February 14, 2007. Remember that the next time the Rethugs bring up Kennedy tippling.

Foghorn Leghorn to Join Rethug Field

Former Senator and "Law and Order" potted plant Fred "Foghorn" Thompson is all but in the race for the Rebunglecan presidential nomination. He'll be joining the Three Stooges (a.k.a. Rudy McRomney) and the Seven Dwarfs. Thompson, who makes the likes of Tweety swoon because of the manliness of his "deep voice," yearns to have comparisons drawn with former actor/President Reagan. As a Senator, Thompson was barely there, never authoring a single piece of significant legislation while, we think, longing to get back to the bit movie roles that made him a local celebrity in Tennessee and gave him juice with the chicks.

When he starts campaigning, look for Foghorn to ditch the $1,000 suits and limosine and dust off his "populist" props -- the plaid shirt (the same favored by fellow millionaire Tennessee Rethug Lamar Alexander), and the red pickup truck. Ah say, ah say, that there Fred is a man of the people!

Is It Wise to Be So Smart Ass?

Reading WaPo's resident smart-ass Dana Milbank's column today re Al Gore ("Is It Wise to Be So Smart?"), one can only conclude that Milbank is indeed someone so enamored of his own precious "wit" that he is unable to look at a serious person in a serious way. Milbank spends his column dissecting Gore's supposed pendantry, essentially advising that if Gore were to run for President he dumb-down his act. Simply put, Milbank is one of those chronic Washington salon lizards who, among others, in the 2000 election took great glee in faulting Gore's tendency to want to raise the level of political discourse, rather than praising it as a virtue; Milbank and his fellow cosmo-sippers mocked him as someone you wouldn't want to have a beer with -- unlike his opponent, George "Commander Guy" Bush, who knew plenty about beer and not much else. Well, how did that work out for us Dana? Keep at it and our next Preznit will be another fact-phobic, evolution-denying knuckle-dragger. Then you'll have accomplished your objective: a Preznit you can feel superior to!

Yeah, But We've Painted A Couple of Hundred Schools

The report from Mosul, Iraq in the NY Times today indicates some ethnic cleansing in the supposedly calm northern Iraq. Apparently, Mosul, Iraq's third largest city, has been virtually cleared of its Kurdish inhabitants by Sunni Arabs. This fits a pattern of establishing sectarian-based territories that will eventually go their own ways, a far different picture from a "democratic" unified Iraq as a goal that is being sold to us by the Bushies.

Wolfie for Mayor!

It's nice to know that the Rethuglicans look after their own. Congressman Walter Jones has suggested that Paul "Socks" Wolfowitz be appointed as a mayor in Iraq, now that he's looking for work. What better way to recognize Socks' contribution as an architect of the Iraq war than to let him help "fix" the problems there? He could roam the streets of Baghdad and reassure the citizens that the surge is working, while ducking live fire. Or confront the Mahdi army with his steely gaze before they blindfold him. Or establish the Iraqi Likud Party, along with Richard Perle. Or shack up with another A-rab lady, now that he and his old girlfriend, Shaha "Ha Ha" Riza, have split. Wolfie for Mayor! That's the ticket!

Roll Out The Barrel

News item: "An e-mail was sent out Saturday [May 26] by the College Republicans of Northwestern University, informing club members that they 'decided to cancel the end-of-year BBQ because we only had two people RSVP.'"

The good news is that the two that RSVPed later had their own party anyway (photo). Their clubmates must have been at the Army recruiting office enlisting in their Preznit's war.

Memorial Day 2007

To all those who have served our country in time of war, we honor you today and every day, especially, our late father William, uncle George, and cousin Dale, and our uncle Richard. We love you and hold you dear in our hearts.

Recycling Bin

The Daily Howler's report on one of the new books out on Hillary Clinton is right on target. The disreputable team of Van Natta and Gerth have individually indulged in political porn about the Clintons before, and there's nothing new here but the same questionable information and innuendo. The mainstream media will no doubt recycle it endlessly (any bets that Tweety Matthews will be cackling about it tonight?). Strange how with all of the oddballs among the Rethug candidates that the MSM keeps obsessing on the Clintons. Must be that they don't like Presidents who play with the truth. . .oh wait, then they'd be after Chimpy, too. Never mind.

UPDATE: As expected, Tweety was rolling around getting himself dirty in the new books on Hillary. You can tell when he's "excited" because the drool starts flowing.

Putting the "Vice" in Vice President

Steve Clemons' account of Dirty Dick Cheney's manueverings to provoke hostilities against Iran is chilling. Aligned on one side, favoring diplomacy, are Secretaries Rice and Gates, CIA Director Hayden, and Dep. Sec. of State Negroponte. On the side of attacking Iran are Cheney and his neocon acolytes. The disturbing element of the story is that Cheney is deliberately narrowing the choices being presented to the Presidunce to steer him toward war, because he's lost confidence in Bush to make the "right" decisions (no surprise there). A former intelligence official calls this undermining of the diplomatic initiative by Cheney potentially "criminal insubordination" (no surprise there, either, coming from the crew that cooked up the rationale for attacking Iraq).
He and Johnny Walnuts will be singing "Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran" together any day now.

Unfortunately, Cows Don't Fly

During the Preznit's news conference today, a little birdie pooped on the Commander Guy's sleeve. That's one discerning sparrow!

Meanwhile, in Pakistan . . .

It may not be time for deep concern yet, but things in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan are not looking good. From the Pakistani government's decision last year to pull out of the Northwest frontier which is overrun with Taliban and al Qaeda, to recent demonstrations against Musharraf's regime, Pakistan should be on the Preznit's radar by now. If he thinks Iran poses a problem, consider that Pakistan is turning more Islamist by the day - - and they have nukes.

The Best and the Brightest?

Watching Monica "Not" Goodling's testimony before the House Judiciary Committee this morning reminds one of Alice in Wonderland. How she became one of the most influential people in the Justice Department with her lack of experience and questionable academic background (Pat Robertson's "Regent University") is a testiment to this Assministration's ineptitude. The WaPo's Andrew Cohen has more questions.

Missing in (In) Action

The Washington Monthly has a report from Juan Cole that the leadership of Iraq has largely taken a powder: al Hakim is in Iran for chemotherapy, Talabani is in the U.S. for treatment of obesity (snark), and al Sadr is in hiding, fearing for his life.
Meanwhile, Presidunce Bush is in Crawford clearing underbrush. For the cameras.

Like Father, Like Daughters

The Bush twins are back together in town, as the WaPo reports today. What better time to suggest that they stoll a couple of blocks from the White House to the Armed Forces Recruiting Office at 1099 14th St. NW to show their support for their daddy's noble war? Surely, they believe that the sacrifice should be shared equally, like their daddy did during the Vietnam war.

Slow Learner

Like a slow learner, the Bush Assministration is absorbing the lessons of its exclusionary approach to the Middle East, and is moving toward talks with Iran next month. Perhaps the child king has been convinced that stonewalling Iraq's neighbors is frustrating his failed war "strategery." More likely, the neighbors in the region that we talk to - Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, etc. - have sent the Presidunce the message that it's long past time to engage with the regimes in Iran and Syria, despite the off-stage urgings of the neocon "braintrust" to stiff them.

The Baker-Hamilton study group's recommendations had been shelved for months, since the child king was unwilling to admit his plan was going nowhere fast, and that he needed help from his daddy's advisors. Now, in desperation, he's grasping for something - anything - that might hold promise for a face saving "cut and run."

Immigration Conflagration

The wingnuts are in full hysteria mode after the compromise deal on immigration reform. Malkin, Hewitt, and the usual suspects are fuming, and predicting the decline of the Rebumblecan Party (we wish). Some have even uttered the "I" word regarding the Presidunce: impeachment (again, we wish). The long knives (or in the case of the wingers, butter knives) are out for McCain and other Rethugs who have signed on to reform. The bottom line for the wingers seems not to be concerns about terrorism or multiculturalism, but that the immigrants will eventually cast ballots as Democrats. Some Dems are not pleased with the lack of support for unskilled workers, so stay tuned.

Bank On It

"Socks" Wolfowitz's resignation from the World Bank is apparently imminent. Although it would be delightful to drag it out a bit longer so that Wolfie could absorb some additional, well-deserved arrows, it appears as though all parties are agreed that he's toast, but are trying to work out a face saving departure (big severance, some World Bank acknowledgement of unclear rules, etc.) Pity that he couldn't have been ejected from the Defense Department before he cooked up the Iraq war strategy.

Update: Wolfie has agreed to resign by the end of June, in exchange for the World Bank board acknowledging some error and a generous severance. Bastard.

Road Trip

Our blog will be on hiatus while we spend time in Wisconsin with family and friends. We'll be back on Thursday, May 17.

Jokers

Robertson: "Did ya hear the joke 'bout the Mormon's underwear?"
Romney: "Did you hear the one about the gay preacher?'
Both: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

It appears that the term of Paul "Socks" Wolfowitz as head of the World Bank is about to end, according to this piece in the New York Times. His conflict of interest in promoting A-rab girlfriend Shaha "Ha Ha" Ali Riza within the ranks and getting her a cushy job with the State Department was condemned by the World Bank board. That Board is trying to jettison Socks in return for allowing the U.S. to appoint his successor. With the doors seeming to be closing on the neocon cheerleaders for the Iraq war, Socks may have to look for gainful employment elsewhere. Hey, maybe he could be the go-between for the Israelis and Palestinians; given his history with Ha Ha, he could teach them to make love and not war.

The Country Club Set

Eugene Robinson's piece in today's WaPo describes the Rebunglecan presidential field, as seen in last week's press confer ... er, "debate," as wide but not deep. On first look (and last, we might add), the field said "country club" to Robinson. We noted the stature deficit prior to the debate ("The Hour-and-a-Half Comedy Hour"). No wonder the Rebunglecan base is dissatisfied with their choices. As Robinson notes,

"Try as each man might to cloak himself in Reagan's mantle, it didn't seem to fit. As candidates, they all seemed to have some growing to do."

Yeah. And keep in mind "Reagan's mantle" is only a toddler's small.

The Decider's Diary

Well, my numbers are down to 28%, not that I care about polls. I'm the Decider! That's my job and it's hard work! I am having an identity crisis, sorta. See, I'm wondering if I should be the Decider, the Action Officer, or the Commander Guy. My base wants "Strong Man" or "Dictator," but those might be a little harsh. Let me know what you think... and I'll do what I want to do anyway (heh, heh -- just a little jab for any Defeatocrats reading this).

I still have to figure out who'll be my War Czar (hey, that's not bad -- maybe I can be the Czar Czar?!). That guy with the big, empty head... Gingrich... thinks red tape in Washington is the biggest obstacle to winning in Iraq. I quote, "The problem is not broad strategy and policy, it's that the bureaucracy is so inefficient..." End of quotation. That Newtie, he's a card! Heh, heh.

Did you see me and Laura on "American Idol?" That got us a lot of points with the twins. I don't watch it anymore now that Sanjaya fella is gone. I liked him and his funny hairdos! I overheard Mitch McConnell telling Lindsay Graham that he wanted to make Sanjaya his bitch. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it's wholesome fun even though it sounds kinda weird!

Well, I gotta get ready for the Queen tonight, take a bath, be on my best behavior. I hear she was a little offended that last time I saw her over in England when I tried out a "pull my finger" joke on her. I can't believe she hadn't heard of those jokes before! Anyway, I told her that was my Weapon of Mass Destruction! Heh, heh! Then she pulled a Poppy and vomited! Oh well, at least my base understands me!

Perles of Wisdom

Not far behind former CIA Director George Tenet's "Don't Blame Me" tour, we find the neocon's sinister Field Marshall, Richard Perle. Interviewed on CNN, Perle is ducking blame for his role in the rush to war with Iraq, claiming that he never subscribed to the belief that Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11. But on September 16, 2001, he claimed on CNN that there were ties between Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden, ties which he still claims have been documented, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Wonder what he thinks the purpose of those "ties" were, then, if he didn't believe there was a connection between them that led to 9/11? He further said in the interview that he was in favor of removing Saddam long before 9/11, but denies telling Tenet shortly after 9/11 that we had to go after Iraq.

Who's lying? While neither would win a Boy Scout of the Year award, Perle is more slippery by far. A 2004 account of the push by the neocons to make war on Iraq in "Mother Jones" is revealing. The nexus between this group, the American Enterprise Institute (neocon central), and the Likud Party in Israel is also interesting.

Tweety Twikes Again

Of course, the emcee at last night's "debate" was none other than Chris "Tweety" Matthews. Tweety has long exhibited a pathological grudge against the Clintons, and now that Hillary Clinton is running for President, Tweety never misses an opportunity on his MSNBC "Hardball" program to giggle and leer about the former First Lady and President, as if he's heard some new, never-heard-before jokes that he wants to spring on his audience. Martin Lewis has a good skewering of Tweety's performance last night at HuffPo. Lewis suspects Tweety's attitude stems from Clenis envy. Given Tweety's abject sucking up to candidates he views as "macho", such as Fred Thompson, Rudi!, and Johnny Walnuts McCain, that's not such a far fetched theory.

Sam, Mike, and Tom: Your Rethug Stooges

We didn't bother watching the Rethuglican candidates' "debate" last night, along with most Americans. One commenter on a popular post said, "the winners of last night's debate were the people who had their television sets turned off." True, but Crooks and Liars did capture one hilarious moment when the luminaries of the American Taliban Party were asked who didn't believe in evolution. Three idiots, Brownback, Huckabee and Tancredo, raised their hands! And it's 2007, not 1707!

"The Commander Guy"

Well, it looks like Preznit Codpiece has given himself a new designation: in a follow up question and answer session at yesterday's meeting of a builders association, the Decider said, "I'm the Commander Guy." The AWOL frat boy that never succeeded in anything, despite his daddy's continual help, has achieved his ambition: leading our armed forces in wartime. Unfortunately the Commander Guy/Decider/Dress Up Pilot, with his severely limited abilities, is leading them off a very high cliff in Iraq, where real soldiers are paying the price of his pride and stupidity.

The Hour-and-a-Half Comedy Hour

A comedy---tonight!! It's the Seven Dwarfs and the Three Stooges on the same stage, doing their hilarious riffs: Walnuts McCain doing his rendition of "BombBombBombBombBombIran," Willard "Muff" Romney doing back flips while shootin' varmints, Rudy "Toot-Tootie" Giuliani singing in drag, and the Seven Dwarfs ("Happy" Gilmore, "Doc" Brownback, etc.) who... well, the name says it all. Emceed by Tweety (who, if past is prologue, will get at least 30 minutes of air time alone).

The Bloom is Off the Turd

The Senate Judiciary Committee this afternoon subpoenaed AG 'Berto "I Don't Recall" Gonzales, ordering him to provide all e-mails related to Karl "Turdblossom" Rove and the firings of eight U.S. attorneys. 'Berto has until May 15 to fork over the information. Meanwhile, we understand Turdblossom is joining Scooter's yoga class so they can both practice their ankle-gripping techniques. We hear Allenwood is nice in the Spring.

The Veto

Bush's veto statement yesterday was a masterpiece of dishonesty and contempt for the public. He adamantly refuses to tie any achievement of benchmarks by the Iraqi government to the gradual withdrawal of our troops from the middle of their civil war. That's not surprising, given the lack of accountability he's engendered in his own sorry Assministration. Remember "as they stand up, we'll stand down"? With roughly 20 months left in his disastrous Presidency, Chimpy is content to "stay the course" - - the so-called "surge" being an almost meaningless holding action focused on Baghdad - - until the mess is turned over to the next President, likely a Democrat. Then begins the "the Democrats stabbed us in the back" slime from the Rethuglicans, who are too dishonest and reckless to admit that they own this catastrophe and its repercussions.

There are growing signs, however, that some Rethugs on the Hill don't want to wait until September to bail on their leader, and will break ranks and force him to accept some benchmarks for the Iraqis to meet as part of the $120 billion funding package. They see 2008 looming, and are petrified of an electoral disaster. Good.

(photo: pictures of fallen soldiers make up a portrait of Bush)

The Purple Finger Eaters

And speaking of "Mission Accomplished," we're seeing reports today that the Maliki government has set up a shadowy "Office of the Commander in Chief" that is overriding decisions being made elsewhere in the Iraqi government, and that is pushing the Shiite sectarian agenda to the detriment of the Sunni and Kurd minorities. This is what the Iraqi people voted for? Don't think so.

The actions of this Office are seen as undermining U.S. policies in Iraq. It's beginning to resemble the Bushie/Rethug political apparatus here in undermining the Constitution.

Mission Accomplished - $3/Gal. Gas

On the fourth anniversary of "Mission Accomplished," Commander-in-Chief Codpiece is set to veto the Iraq war funding bill that would set benchmarks and a date for redeploying U.S. forces in Iraq. At the same time, average retail gasoline prices are set to hit $3/gallon. If one of the reasons for the catastrophic decision to invade Iraq was to stabilize a major center of oil production, that's certainly worked out well for us, hasn't it?!

It would be one thing if rising gasoline prices were slowing consumption, helping subsidize the retooling of the industry infrastructure, or providing new revenues for conservation actions and alternative energy development, but (spoiler alert!) that seems not to be the case. In fact, what is happening is that the record-setting oil industry profits resulting from this price gouging aren't even going into needed upgrades in the industry's infrastructure; rather they're going overwhelmingly into shareholders' and executives' pockets. You see, that's how the executives and boards of directors of these companies keep the shareholders pacified while they vote themselves generous salaries, bonuses, and platinum parachutes. The middle class gets screwed and the Wall Street country club set rejoices: Mission Accomplished!