We're Gonna, I Say, We're Gonna Miss Ya, Fred

Former Rethuglican Presidential hopeful Fred "Sleepy" Thompson announced his retirement from politics today, surprising many who thought Sleepy had retired some years ago. Nonetheless, Sleepy will return to his "acting" career, where he always played himself holding different jobs.

His campaign for President was seen at first as the salvation for the Rethuglican Party, but quickly deteriorated when Sleepy proved to be a less than energetic campaigner. He also put his audiences to sleep, which is not smart politically. He will be missed by Democrats everywhere.

Curtains for Foghorn?

The campaign of Fred "Foghorn Leghorn" Thompson seems to be grinding to a halt after another disappointing showing in the Rethug primaries, this time in South Carolina. Once touted as the "Great Right Hope", Foghorn's only been getting in the single or low double digits in voters, with Hucksterbee siphoning off many of the "I hear God's voice" vote. His laid back campaigning style has left Rethugs cold, although it's done wonders for insomniacs. Speculation is that he's going to pull the plug soon, now that he's cancelled his appearance Thursday on the Fux Channel.

UPDATE: Yep, he announced he's pulling out. Now Foghorn and his young wife will be able to spend more quality time together. If he can stay awake.

Coulter Delivers a Eulogy, and More Wingnut Humor

If crazy (M)Ann Coulter hadn't injected politics into an elegiac column for her father, this Chris Kelly piece at HuffPo would be mean. As it is, it's hilarious.

And here's a a clip showing Hucksterbee dissing sleepy Fred "Foghorn Leghorn" Thompson after last night's Rethug "debate."

If you need more wingnut humor, O'Really? thinks he should be on the Supreme Court. Justice Ginsburg, would you like falafel with your loofah shower?

Photo: (M)Ann Coulter with her Adam's Apple mercifully not shown.

"Go Back, Ah Say, Go Back An' Git Intelligence I Agree With"

Rethug Presidential candidate Fred "Foghorn Leghorn" Thompson has awakened from a long slumber to alert us that the recent National Intelligence Estimate that said that Iran's nuclear weapons program was halted in 2003 is, in Foghorn's word, "foolishness." He said, "I don't care what this latest NIE says," not that he has an inkling beyond what wife Jeri Juggs has briefed him on.

Foghorn joins the ranks of the neocons, who were taken aback by the NIE's findings which knocked the legs from under their quest for war with Iran. According to them, the report is (take your pick), an attempt to undermine Dumbya, misleading and inaccurate, or foolishness. Oh, wait. . .what's this? Dead Eye Dick says he "doesn't have any reason to question" the NIE findings. Dayum! You boys need to get on the same page in the neocon manual!

Troubles In Rethug City

The Huffington Post has a couple of amusing items to pass along. First, Fred "Foghorn" Thompson got in a snit on Fux News Sunday when some negative commentary from wingnuts Fred Barnes and Charles Krap-hammer was shown. He knows that Fux is squarely in Rudy Toot Tooty's corner, and will skew their programs to help the Mayor of 9/11. Foghorn was, to say the least, indignant and let the smarmy Chris Wallace know it. Heh heh, love it.

The second item reports that Fux fave Rudy is having trouble drawing crowds in New Hampshire, where he has been focusing his efforts. NBC reports that a couple of dozen supporters showed up for a rally in Manchester - - "Kucinich-size crowds" - -and that the mainstream media is beginning to notice. Again, heh heh, love it.

Rethug Campaign Roundup

The Thompson "campaign": the WaPo has a front-page article today on the implosion of Foghorn's campaign thanks, in no small measure it would appear, to Foghorn's meddlesome daughter, er, wife Jeri "Jugs" Thompson. Foghorn did get a boost from the crackpots at the National Right to Life Committee, who endorsed Foghorn despite his recent declarations that he wouldn't support a Constitutional amendment outlawing abortion and his lobbying work on behalf of a family-planning group.

The Giuliani campaign: aides to Rudy Toot Tooty were working hard on damage control, following the indictment of his protege, Bernard "Love Nest" Kerik, on multiple Federal corruption and tax evasion charges. Walnuts McCain's campaign manager said, "A president's judgment matters and Rudy Giuliani has repeatedly placed personal loyalty over regard for the facts." Flip Flop Mitt's minions were also taking pot shots at Tooty's personnel screening skills. If Tancredo, Hunter, and the other pygmies had press operations, we're sure they'd be taking their shots, too.

"Th' Polls, Ah Say, Th' Polls Say Whut??"

Fred "Foghorn Leghorn" Thompson is sinking in the polls faster than a lead frog with cement shoes in a pond. From a September high of 27 percent, Foghorn is now at 19 percent support among Regthulican mouthbreathers. He's cancelled several appearances over the last few days, so the polls are bound to go lower. It looks like his campaign really did peak the day he announced. . . .

Morning News Roundup

Some items that caught our eye this morning:

-- Gail Collins writes in today's NYT that Fred "Huckleberry" Thompson demonstrated in the recent Rethug "debate" that he "A) has all his marbles and B) is a terrible candidate." The article, "Calvin Coolidge Redux," also contains good thumbnails on the "debate's" other pygmies.

-- "Fox and Friends" had (M)ann Coulter on this morning trying to convince the hard-core cranks and crackpots that are the show's and Fux's audience that "conservatives" have "wit." She has a new book out, apparently, entitled "If Democrats Had Brains, They'd Be Republicans." Heh-heh. If it reveals the extent of wingnut wit, it's got to be a very thin book with very large print. And if (M)ann Coulter had an Adam's Apple, she'd be a man... uh, wait a minute...

-- The latest Quinnipiac poll shows Hillary beating Rudy Toot Toody in 3 battleground states (Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania) by as much as 6 points. Rudy led in all 3 states in April.

-- The MSM have been abuzz lately about a reported rift between Sec. Rice and VP Deadeye Dick Cheney over how to deal with Iran. With the neocon chickenhawks beating the drums for a military strike, and Dumbya's track record of going along with whatever surrogate-daddy Deadeye wants, we have an uneasy feeling, to say the least, about how this is going to end.

"Ah Found, Ah Say, Ah Found A WMD, Boy!"

"Foghorn Leghorn" Thompson can't quite grasp reality, can he? In an appearance before a small group (becoming smaller with each day, hopefully), he insisted that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction before we invaded, despite even Dumbya's own admission that they didn't have them. That case was closed years ago, and virtually no one (even most Rethugs) disputes the fact the the WMD justification for war was hollow. Kind of like Foghorn's "haid."

Ooooh, That Smarts!

Fred (Huckleberry) Thompson won't be getting the key endorsement of wingnut evangelist James Dobson for his presidential bid. Dobson, in a note to his friends, said the reasons were Thompson's failure to support a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages, his support of McCain-Feingold campaign financing reform, and the fact that Thompson "can't speak his way out of a paper bag." Dobson, the head of "Focus on the Family", is a leading American Taliban-gelist.

Praise the Lord, and pass the Pepto Bismol, Huckleberry!

(photo: Dobson, the closet sinner)

Huckleberry Fred-- Has He Peaked? Already?

Seems like Fred "Huckleberry/Foghorn" Thompson has his work cut out for him with the very conservatives he thinks he's leading. Too bad he's such a work-avoider. Check out the columns (no link) in today's WaPo by George Will and Robert Novak (now I have to disinfect my keyboard). Will likens Thompson to New Coke, the highly hyped new taste that was an Edsel-like flop. Novak thinks Foghorn is not being handled well by his minions (including his wife/campaign manager Juggs, er, Jeri). It's all marketing and image, isn't it boys?!

This is coming days after a "Phony Fred" website, put up by a Willard "Flip" Romney supporter, labeled Huckleberry a "skirt chaser," Washington insider lobbyist, and church-avoider, among other friendly nomenclature. We're guessing Huckleberry has just peaked in the polls.

Image: Foghorn Fred not realizing his head's about to be chopped off.

Thompson Announces (Yawn)

In one of the most anticlimactic announcements ever in American politics, Fred "Huckleberry" Thompson announced last night on the Tonight Show that (drum roll, please) he's running for President! Of course he's been all over the country in the past 8 months "testing the waters" and putting on his best "good ol' boy" act. Huckleberry missed participating in last night's Rethuglican presidential debate in New Hampshire, which is an early indicator that he'd rather duck than debate. He was known during his one term in the Senate for avoiding work if at all possible, so it's no surprise that this actor and former lobbyist wants to coast during the primaries.

Once the hard campaigning begins, Huckleberry won't be able to rely on the stale platitudes and folksy bromides that characterize his TV ads and speeches. He's got a lot of rust on him, and, judging from his history, he's not inclined to remove it.

(illustration by Darrow, NY Magazine)

Sunday Reads

Today's WaPo has several items worth noting: a front page article "The Rise of Jeri Thompson," which profiles Leghorn's "trophy" second wife; and "The Dumbest Move the Dems Could Make," an op/ed by Michael Tomasky on the politics of impeachment.

First, the article on Mrs. Leghorn reveals a few tasty tidbits that should endear her to the "true conservatives" that ex-Sen. Leghorn hopes to rally to him. Following her 2002 marriage to the then-59-year-old Leghorn, 35-year-old Jeri Kehn returned to her hometown, Naperville, IL:

"It was a triumphal return for Kehn, who had left Naperville for college and spent most of her 20s biding her time in Nashville without a clear career path, living with a boyfriend whose main claim to fame was getting arrested in Red Square for unfurling a pizza-parlor banner in the last days of the Cold War. Kehn left three court judgments behind her in Nashville, one of which remains unpaid today, and a court twice garnished her wages."

Whooo-eee! A would-be Rethug First Lady scofflaw, fornicatin' an' all! Love them Republican values!

The Tomasky piece lays out the case that attempting to impeach Chimpy and President Dead-Eye Dick would not only fail, but be far more damaging to the progressive movement:

"Bush and Cheney -- and conservatism in general -- have wrecked our civic institutions and darkened our civic impulses. Nothing is beyond politicization...When everything is subordinate to politics, civic institutions and impulses suffer. But impeachment isn't the way to rebuild civic culture; indeed, it would do its own kind of harm...It would damage liberalism's prospects in the long run because unlike conservatism, liberalism depends on and is predicated on civic trust."

It's an op/ed well worth reading and for Democrats to seriously consider when talk of impeachment arises.

No Law and Order

It's amusing to see likely Rethuglican Presidential candidate Fred "Rented Red Pickup" Thompson cheering Scooter's "get out of jail" commutation from the Obstructer in Chief. This from a guy that was on "Scooter's" infamous defense fund advisory board (along with fellow reptilians Mary Matalin, Bill Bennett and Marty Peretz). The "authentic", manly Mr. Thompson - - who Tweety and other Beltway jock sniffers swoon over - - apparently believes it's OK for Rethuglicans to commit perjury, and be convicted by a jury, and then walk free in order to keep the lid on the corrupt White House campaign to smear war critics and manufacture bogus rationales for the war. Luckily, 60 percent of Americans disagree, according to a SurveyUSA poll.

But then, this Assministration is famous for not listening to the majority of Americans.

Tweety Wuvs Ronnie Lite

If we had a dollar for every time Tweety Matthews and his "amen corner" friends on Hardball praised Fred "Ronnie Lite" Thompson, we could buy MSNBC. Media Matters has a thorough wrap-up on the phenomenon of Thompson's annointment by the media as "folksy" and "authentic", with Tweety being one of the former one-term Senator's foremost butt boys. This always produces a mirthfull hour of swooning and idol worship. Tweety should consider renaming his show "Whiffleball" when it comes to "Ronnie Lite." Thompson couldn't have better ads if he wrote them himself.

Foghorn Leghorn to Join Rethug Field

Former Senator and "Law and Order" potted plant Fred "Foghorn" Thompson is all but in the race for the Rebunglecan presidential nomination. He'll be joining the Three Stooges (a.k.a. Rudy McRomney) and the Seven Dwarfs. Thompson, who makes the likes of Tweety swoon because of the manliness of his "deep voice," yearns to have comparisons drawn with former actor/President Reagan. As a Senator, Thompson was barely there, never authoring a single piece of significant legislation while, we think, longing to get back to the bit movie roles that made him a local celebrity in Tennessee and gave him juice with the chicks.

When he starts campaigning, look for Foghorn to ditch the $1,000 suits and limosine and dust off his "populist" props -- the plaid shirt (the same favored by fellow millionaire Tennessee Rethug Lamar Alexander), and the red pickup truck. Ah say, ah say, that there Fred is a man of the people!