"Gaucho" Mark Sanford Rides Again

Gail Collins has a nice piece on the comeback tour of disgraced former Rethuglican Gov. "Gaucho" Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail), who just won the Rethug/ New Confederate/ Stupid Party nomination for South Carolina's 1st Congressional District.  Here's a sample:

Since we last had Sanford to kick around, he’s been divorced and gotten engaged to the Argentinian squeeze. He virtually never mentions her and she barely got a shout-out on primary victory night. (“She completely surprised me,” claimed Sanford, who told Tapper that he just turned the corner on his way into the ballroom and there she was.)

His ex-wife, Jenny, has written a book about her marriage, and now South Carolinians know that Sanford is not just fiscally conservative; he’s also so personally cheap that he once gave his spouse a $25 used bicycle as a combined birthday-Christmas present. Also, there’s the revelation that he excused some of his mysterious absences from home by saying he needed to go off and relieve the stress he felt due to thinning hair.

What a guy!  Remember, before he was Governor, "Gaucho" Mark was in Congress chasing Bill Clinton's naughty bits around Washington with other upstanding Rethugs (disgraced Speaker Newt "Poot" Gingrich" and Rep. Bob Livingston) in a futile but highly toxic attempt to impeach the former President for getting a b.j. in the Oval Office.

"Gaucho" Mark will be running against Elizabeth Colbert Busch (Stephen's sister), whom we hope gives "Gaucho" Mark the sound whipping he deserves.  Let's give her some help, please.

Photo:  "Gaucho" Mark Sanford, trying to juggle too many balls, again.

BONUS:  Follow this link to Stephen Colbert's hilarious slap at the "Morning Joe" crew -- a.k.a, "Coffee Joe Morning & the Funky Bunch" -- for their fawning coverage of Gaucho Mark.

"Smart Woman, Foolish Choice"

Ruth Marcus has a review of Jenny Sanford's book "Staying True," that she says could have been titled "Smart Woman, Foolish Choice." Just reading the excerpts, one gets the overwhelming impression that her choice of "Gaucho Mark" Sanford was, indeed, foolish. To put it mildly, the guy was a HUGE douchebag, before and during their marriage. Self-absorbed - check. Insensitive - check. Cruel - check. Stupid - check. Yep, Gaucho Mark is all that and more... or rather less, if we're talking about character. As Marcus notes, this guy makes John Edwards look like a prince.

One can only hope that this rather classy lady does much better for herself in the future. It wouldn't be hard.

(Image: Gaucho Mark, as seen by the Whole World)

"Gaucho Mark" Confesses More "Encounters"

South Carolina Rethug Gov. Mark "Gaucho Mark" Sanford is admitting more indiscretions, including "crossing the line" -- up to but not including "the nasty"-- with "a handful" of other women. Gaucho Mark, inexplicably still Governor, also admits he wasn't completely truthful in his recent teary news conference/ confession, upping the number of times he saw mistress Maria Chapur.

Clearly, Gaucho Mark has been affected even more than originally thought by islamofascistsocialist Obama and his destruction of the U.S. of A.

(Photo: Gaucho Mark - we never knew he had so many balls in the air!)

The Perils Of Self-Medication

We've seen Rethuglican leader Pills Limpballs (a.k.a., "Mr. Bouncy Bouncy" on MSNBC's Countdown) pull some exceedingly strange things out of his large hindquarters, but this is hilarious: as we noted yesterday, he's suggesting that Obama's to blame for Gov. Mark "Gaucho Man" Sanford's affair in Argentina. As a result, Ed Shultz featured Limpballs -- whom he refers to as "The Drugster" -- on his nightly "Psycho Talk" segment. Ed gives Pills the best response: ridicule.

Limpballs will need to adjust his self-medication to get through the Obama years. We would suggest increasing the tranquilizers and cutting back on the hallucinogenics.

Rethug-Wired Media Didn't Question Sanford Story

As TPM recaps, the "mainstream media" and certain "political" blogs just ate up the Sanford cover stories like pigs eating slop. Notably credulous, due to their being wired for Rethugs, were WaPo's Chris "I Like to Make Lists" Cillizza and Will "Alfalfa Bad" Haygood and Politico's lunk-headed Jonathan Martin and Ben "Dover" Smith. Martin, by the way, was the auteur of a recent "analysis" seeing signs (hoping?) that the Rethugs were on the upswing, contrary to all polling done in the galaxy the past six months.

Were any of these "professional" phone gossips and Rethug talking point scribes doing any investigatin' about Sanford's changing tales? Why should they, since they know Rethugs can always be trusted to tell the truth, not to mention write their next story for them!

(Photo: A Rethug note-taker at WaPo or Politico?)

"Nothin' Could Be Finah Than T' Be in Argen-tinah, In the Mornin'"

So he "cried" for five days in Buenos Aires, in the company of his mistress. In a rambling and somewhat incoherent press conference yesterday, South Carolina Gov. Mark "Gaucho Man" Sanford took several minutes to get around to what he called "the bottom line:" that he cheated on his wife. Then later in the day, The State newspaper published steamy e-mails between Gaucho Man and his mistress, "Maria," sent and received over the past year. Very flaky and strange, indeed.

As with most pols, the affair won't be the whole story. As with Sen. Don Juan Ensign, there's the question of misuse of public funds in pursuit or the coverup of the affair, and that's what's being looked into now. He hasn't resigned (as former New York Gov. Spitzer did last year), but that may depend on what further investigations disclose. Even so, right-winger Chuckie Kraphammer called it a "near-intentional political suicide."

(By the way, props to Attaturk at Rising Hegemon for giving the blogosphere "Gaucho Mark" as a nickname -- bravo! Are there better nicknames? "Penis of the Pampas"?, "Governor Lovin'Her"?)

Rethug Meltdown: The Sanford Chronicles

The tale of the missing Gov. from South Carolina is taking an even more bizarre turn. Contrary to what his office announced, Mark "No Stim" Sanford wasn't hiking the Appalachian Trail after all: he was in Buenos Aires, Argentina! Ay caramba! We hear the women in Argentina are very nice, but Governor, there are fine women closer to home.

According to reports, he had not contacted his wife since last Thursday, and apparently spent Father's Day in Argentina, soaking up the local, um, flavor. We're certain that more juicy revelations are forthcoming.

So, may we say, on behalf of the citizens of South Carolina, adios cabron! Same for your 2012 chances at the Rethuglican nomination.

UPDATE: Well, well, well. "No Stim" admits to an affair in a televised press conference in South Carolina. He resigns as chair of the Rethuglican Governors Association. The Rethugs are indeed screwed -- first Don Juan Ensign, now a "rising star" for 2012. Long, sad faces over at Fux News Channel. *snicker*

Gov. Sanford, Please Call Home!

Gov. Mark "No Stim" Sanford (Rethug-SC) has been missing since Thursday! Really! The increasingly bizarre story, wherein the far-right soon- to- be- former 2012 Rethug presidential hopeful has gone missin' for 4 days (not even his wife knows his whereabouts), continues to unfold. Nervous breakdown? Affair? Preparing for South Carolina's secession? Getting a refresher course at clown school?

UPDATE: There are now reports that the Gov. was hiking on the Appalachian Trail, perhaps gathering pine nuts and berries. Hopefully, he'll also have a bouquet of wildflowers for his wife, or he might find himself on a longer hike soon).

(Photo: Gov. "No Stim" incognito; well, maybe not)

Quote of the Week

"Debt payment during an economic crisis is like water conservation during a house fire -- it worsens the condition. When the economy begins to rebound, we can return to paying down the debt." -- Kristie Greco, spokeswoman for Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC) commenting on South Carolina Gov. Mark "Junkman" Sanford's comment that the stimulus money provided for education in his state should be used first to pay down the state's debt. On Friday, wannabe Rethug presidential 2012 fodder Sanford was the last governor to back off his previous stand against accepting Federal economic recovery aid.

(Photo: via The Palmetto Scoop)