Twit Tweet, Thwap (UPDATED)

After defending the Helsinki #treasonsummit performance of too- big- an- idiot- to- be- a- useful- idiot Donald "Rump" Trump, ultra- right light Kentucky flake Sen. "Ayn" Rand Paul (R-Aqua Buddha) wanted to do Rump another solid by going after one of Rump's most credible antagonists.

Twit Tweet:

Is John Brennan monetizing his security clearance?  Is John Brennan making millions of dollars divulging secrets to the mainstream media with his attacks on @realDonaldTrump ?

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) July 23, 2018

Thwap:

When faced with a president shredding civil liberties who may force an actual constitutional crisis, Rand Paul uses his platform to attack a private citizen with no evidence. https://t.co/CsRNTBa7g1

— Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) July 23, 2018

Where's your neighbor when we need him.

— Eric Foster (@EricFos19716724) July 23, 2018

"Ayn" Rand is also supposedly asking Rump to revoke the security clearance of former C.I.A. Director Brennan, someone who served his country with far more distinction for far longer than the ultra- light flake from Kentucky.

Yeah, where is "Ayn" Rand's neighbor when we need him?

UPDATE:  Oh, the foul irony -- repulsive White House Spokesliar Sarah "Hucksterbee" Sanders says Rump is considering pulling the security clearances of a whole raft of anti- Rump former intelligence and law enforcement officials (but not "at this point" the clearances of President Obama and Vice President Biden).  Yeah, they're exactly the ones who need to have their clearances pulled...

Goodbye, Dr. Chaps!

In yesterday's primary (who knew?), the voters of Colorado bid a fond (?) farewell to ultra- homophobic State Rep. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt  Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt.  Don't remember him?  He's the former Navy chaplain (hence "Chaps") who was court-martialed for wearing his uniform to a political event (following years of insubordination), who then became a fixture on the right- wing Bible- thumping rube- shearing circuit.  Sensing the need to break down the wall between church and state, Dr. Chaps served one term in the Colorado legislature before giving up a run for reelection to go for a State Senate seat. As we may have mentioned, he lost (he only got 38% of the Republican vote).  Sad!

Wonkette runs down some of Herr Klingenschmitt's loonnuggets:

He knows why animals turn gay: Gay demons leaking from gay humans. 

He’s said that allowing a transgender kid to use the locker rooms of her choice amounts to visual rape of other girls (and of course that demons are at work there, too). 

He wants to exorcise the demons from atheist kids who objected to attending high school graduation in a church. 

He has a real, practical solution to the problem of wedding photographers who are oppressed by antidiscrimination laws: if you’re forced to take pictures of a homowedding, just let your customers know that you stamp the text of Romans 1:32 on the back of all your photos, to remind them that homosexxicans are “worthy of death.” That should be a real hit with the straight couples, too! 

He knows why the NSA is even a thing: Obama’s possessed by demons, and he wants to watch us all the time. 

He’s warned that Sen. Al Franken “wants to require pedophilia in all public schools, in the form of mandatory pro-gay lectures to all public school children.”

Don't feel sorry for Dr. Chaps.  No doubt he'll be back on the rube- shearing circuit soon, blaming his defeat on gay demons!  We think you're projecting again, Dr. Chaps!

BONUS:  Go ahead, laugh:

Has everyone already made the "Chaps Loses Seat" joke? https://t.co/yGn3hem94E

— Rachel Maddow MSNBC (@maddow) June 29, 2016

(Photo:  "Dr. Chaps" - leather? - Klingenschmitt recoiling from the gay demons in his head.)

Your Weekly Wingnut Roundup

(click on image to enlarge)



(Credit:  democraticunderground.com)

A Cheesy Choice In Wisconsin

Voters in Wisconsin missed an golden opportunity to boot a nasty piece of work off the State Supreme Court:

State Supreme Court Justice Rebecca Bradley was elected to a 10-year term Tuesday, overcoming a challenge from Appeals Court Judge JoAnne Kloppenburg and keeping the job Gov. Scott Walker appointed her to in the fall.

Boosted by heavy turnout in the Republican presidential primary, Bradley overcame criticism that dominated headlines for days about her college writings calling gays "queers," comparing abortion to slavery and dubbing voters as stupid or evil for electing Bill Clinton president in 1992. [snip]

She thanked law enforcement generally and Milwaukee County Sheriff David A. Clarke Jr. specifically, as well as others who helped her campaign, such as Appeals Court Judge Brian Hagedorn. She said Kloppenburg was gracious after a hard-fought race.  (our emphasis)

(Hmm... where have we seen that Sheriff David A. Clarke who helped Bradley's campaign?  Oh yeah!  He's that uber wingnut Fox "News" trots out whenever they want a black face for cover to smear the President or warn of a "Second Amendment revolution" if gun control measures are passed. Yeah, him. That tells you what kind of jurist Bradley is, if her earlier ramblings weren't enough.)

So, right- wingers will keep their 5-2 majority on the State Supreme Court, which will allow Koch brothers employee of the year Gov. Scott "Koch Head" Walker to continue his dismantling of the Wisconsin Idea in government. 

But let's not lay the blame entirely on Republicans.  Cheeseheads, indeed.

(Photo: Bradley with benefactor Walker.)

Today's Wingnut Psychological Profile: Dinesh D'Souza

You may remember this felonious, adulterous clown from the wingnut welfare circuit -  dim filmmaker flimflam maker Dinesh D'Souza:

D’Souza pleaded guilty last September to illegally reimbursing two “straw donors” who contributed $10,000 apiece to Wendy Long’s unsuccessful Senate bid in 2012. D’Souza has since tried to compare himself to Martin Luther King, Jr.

Well, seems the dim one misconstrued the terms of his community service requirement, and has now been told he needs to do 8 hours of community service a week for the entire 5 years of his probation.  For which we say, there's a lot of trash accumulating alongside I-95, so get cracking!

But, what's of more interest to us is this excerpt from the court psychologist's report on D'Souza:

“The client tends to deny problems and isn’t very introspective,” the report read. “The client tends to deny problems and is arrogant and intolerant of others’ feelings.”

The Republican id, right there folks.

BONUS:  Commenter asks about a recent D'Souza's fail:  a photoshop of a Confederate flag in the background of an old picture of Hillary Clinton.  Nice catch.

(Photo:  In denial, check.  Not introspective, check.  Arrogant, check.  Intolerant, check.  Dinesh D'Souza, you are Republican Man!)

CPAC Cosplay Crackpots

The crackpots are all out at the Clown Conservative Political Action Conference in the Washington, D.C., area which wraps up today. One of the more Needy Nuts is one William Temple, who is second to none in his love of the camera (if you've been even vaguely aware of the Tea Party bowel "movement," no doubt you've seen this crank posing in one of his Revolutionary War get-ups with the Gadsden Flag a-flyin').  Here's the preening, puffy-shirted loon before and after walking out in protest during John Ellis "J.E.B." Bush's speech the other day:

Must protest Jebbie!  Let's all go to the lobby where even more cameras can take my picture, and I can be interviewed like I'm a Serious Person by the thundering media herd:

Given his ultra-conservatism, we would be willing to bet that had this frilly fop been alive during the Revolutionary War period, he would have been a Loyalist/ Tory.

Letters We Wish We'd Written Dept. - Media's Enchantment With Wingnuts

From this morning's once great Washington Post Bezos Bugle:

Having read coverage in other media outlets about Iowa Senate candidate Joni Ernst’s right-wing politics, I was disconcerted by The Post’s front-page profile of her in the Oct. 27 paper [“Joni Ernst, once a long shot, hopes to take ‘the Iowa way’ to U.S. Senate”]. The article depicted Ernst as a “biscuit-baking, gun-shooting, twangly, twinkly farm girl,” a “hugger” who wants to show the federal government “the Iowa way,” rather than as someone who, if elected, would be one of the most radical members of the Senate. 

The Post’s report never questioned or challenged what Ernst means by “the Iowa way” — it’s loosely defined: something about Iowa values, “thrift, self-reliance, lack of pretension.” The Democratic opponent, Bruce Braley, was depicted as hanging out with Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) “in more liberal Iowa City,” and it’s implied that he somehow lacks Iowa principles. 

Other than two sentences acknowledging that Ernst proposed dismantling the Environmental Protection Agency and supported a “personhood” amendment, her political views were not explored. These views include support of antiabortion legislation that would ban many forms of contraception and of legislation that would allow local law enforcement to arrest federal officials attempting to implement the Affordable Care Act . She has endorsed the impeachment of President Obama and opposes not only raising the minimum wage but also the very idea of a federally mandated minimum wage. One of her political ads shows her at a shooting range and states: “And once she sets her sights on Obamacare, Joni’s going to unload”; in 2012, she defended her right to carry a gun to defend herself against anyone, including the government. 

The Post’s readers deserve a balanced account of Ernst’s political views and those of her opponent, not a piece that depicted Ernst as warm and fuzzy, rather than the radical she is.

Grace Morsberger,
Chevy Chase 

As we've noted with depressing frequency, the "mainstream media" is heavily invested in the twin "Democrats face doom" and "Republicans aren't so mean" narratives in their mid-term reporting.  The once great Washington Post Bezos Bugle has played a not-insignificant part in plumping these narratives.  In recent weeks, it has run feature fluffers on Ernst, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and others, either in the national news section or in "Style."  The point of all of these soft-focus features was apparently to humanize these demagogues.  While the editorial board generally goes with endorsing Democrats (with some foul exceptions), the national news staff seems to have been recruited right out of the "journalism" school at Regent University.  At least they're in step with the Bugle's Reaganite publisher.

"Liberal media" my ass.

Today in Crackpot Celebrities

Move over Ted "Crap Pants Fever" Nugent!  You have company:

-- Former football player and coach Mike Ditka, woulda, coulda, shoulda run against that Kenyan!  Too many hits to the head, we suspect.

-- James Woods's been on a steady diet of Fox "News" and Oxycontin Rush Limbaugh memes, apparently.  As a political handicapper, Woods history includes supporting Dumbya and Rudy "Noun, Verb, 9-11" Giuliani, so his Twitter "insights" are worth approximately doo-dah.

Wing Nut Pep Rally Begins

Wing nuts of all varieties -- Talibangelists, secessionists, birthers, starve-the-poor-feed-the-rich, etc. -- have descended on the Washington, DC area today for their annual group grope that they call the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC).    There are booths there from every far right group, like the National Rifle Shoot Up A School Association, Tea Party Patriots, and the John Birch Society.

As the Rethuglican/New Confederate/Stupid Party pretends to rebrand itself, the CPAC crowd remains defiantly reactionary and openly backward-looking.  Just look at the losers who are invited to speak:  Snowbilly grifter Sarah "Winky" Palin, Donald "Rump" Trump, former Rep. Allen "Commie Counter" West, and former Sen. Jim "Demented" DeMint.  The Rethuglican Attorney General for Virginia, Ken "Cooch" Cuccinelli will be expounding on women's issues as he waves a transvaginal probe in the air, as Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum explains why America needs to be a theocracy, not a democracy.

Each year during the CPAC-fest, there come all kinds of extreme, out-of-touch sound bites from the speakers or attendees, and this year should be no different.  You could even replay them from the past 4 years or so, and you'd be hard pressed to see a difference.  Increasingly, America sees that this "movement" has no solutions, just slogans.

Nitwits in the News

Here's a quick rundown of what passes for brain activity on the far-right:

-- Let's look in to see who "History Professor" and conservative deep thinker Newt "Poot" Gingrich thinks were the "Very First Americans" (hint: on the color palette, they would be classified as "semi-gloss Romney voter").

-- Prominent Rethug pols who somehow passed high school science; and

-- The Constitutional experts inhabiting the Tea Party Nation (please secede, oh please please please) think they have a fool-proof plan to keep Obama from his second term (did we say "fool"?).

Post-Debate Twit Tweet

In case you missed it, here's Willard Romney supporter (M)Ann Coulter's post-debate twittery:

Could someone please get this vicious creature back into her spider hole and seal the opening?

Special Olympics athlete John Franklin Stephens had a wonderful response to Coulter. Here's a small fragment:

"Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor. No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much."

Sour Musical Notes

Soon to be appearing at the Rethuglican National Convention: Kid Rock(head), and the remnants of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now, if they could just get varmint gourmet Ted "My Gun is My Manhood" Nugent, stone-stupid Hank "Are You Ready for Some Nutball" Williams, Jr., and brain-fried birther and black helicopter spotter Dave "Megashit" Mustaine to join in, they'd have a helluva (bad) wingnut band. Call them The Knuckledraggers.

It's Why We Call Them Rethugs - Crackpots and Cowards Edition

Check out the erudite woman who suggests President Obama has been "operating outside the structure of the Constitution" and should be tried for treason (with the approval of the crowd of half-wits), and Willard "Etch-A-Sketch" Romney's silly non-response (surprisingly, he didn't start quoting "America the Beautiful"). Does he challenge the loon's statement, or will this be another profile in cowardice? Let's see.

Wingnut Women In The News

Wonkette has all the distaff dimbulb crazy train news today. In the war on women, let's hope these catch some friendly fire:

-- Simpleton cat's paw of the Rethuglican front group National Federation of Independent Business Mary "Deadbeat" Brown is a plaintiff in the NFIB (yes, we said "fib") suit to overturn the health care reform act. Trouble is, the crusty Ms. Brown filed for bankruptcy owing over $4,500 in medical bills -- a significant problem health care reform is expecting to ameliorate (i.e., saving people like Deadbeat from themselves).

-- Simpleton Missouri Rethuglican State Rep. Wanda "Happiness is a Warm Gun" Brown (Hmm, another Brown. Must be the only two "brown" women in the Rethuglican Party -- bada-bing!) sponsored a bill which has passed the Missouri House putting gun ownership on a par with religion and race as a protected class. While you're on the page, check out some of the other bills she's sponsored, too, just for laughs.

-- Simpleton Monica "Ol' Queen" Cole (maybe her maiden name was Brown) has decided to "move on" now that her One Million Moms boycott of JC Penney spokesperson Ellen Degeneres has been an EPIC FAIL. Sometimes those culture wars don't turn out the way you planned.

The Circus Is In Town

It's time for that annual fap-fest, the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC - or Crack-Pot Action Conference, if you prefer) here in Washington, D.C. As ever, there's the usual assortment of protozoan life forms (here it comes): birthers, tenthers, one-percenters and their stooges, talibangelists, homophobes, racists, yahoos, gun fetishists, hate-radio sociopaths, neo-con Israel-firsters, and teatards -- both the grifter class and the knuckle-draggers they manipulate; a fractured coalition with one mission: limit the Kenyan usurper to one term. HuffPo has a good live blog covering the sordid details.

But it seems there's no joy in Dudville. The choice among Willard "One Percent" Romney, Newt "Moonbeam" Gingrich, Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum and Ron "Crazy Uncle" Paul leaves your average Rethug somewhat colder than usual. Pity that.

Meanwhile, the doughy, gimlet-eyed crazies at CPAC are giving the rest of us plenty to observe (from a clinical standpoint that is):

-- you have your White Nationalists mingling in the nearly all-white conference, with organizers struggling to keep the racists in the big tent of the conservative movement while not attracting too much media attention;

-- you have your self-loathing closeted gay Rethugs taking time off from gay-bashing to boost the local male escort business (don't worry, Gov. Perry, Rep. Dreier, and Matt Drudge, we're not talking about you!); and

-- you have your wolf-crying Number One Gun Nut from the N.R.A. telling the gullible folk who need a gun to validate their manhood that the Kenyan usurper is comin' to git their AK-47s and grenade launchers (the same warning he had for the gullible in 2008)!

That's your CPAC roundup. 'Nuff said.

(Image: Open bar at CPAC)

Photo Scan of the Wingnut "Brain"

(Click to enlarge slightly and read all the "revelations"))

(via Wonkette)

Post-Election Kumbaya Quote

"[I]f our primary legislative goals are to repeal and replace the health spending bill; to end the bailouts; cut spending; and shrink the size and scope of government, the only way to do all these things is to put someone in the White House who won't veto any of these things." - Senate Minority Leader Mitch "Missy" McConnell (Turtle-KY), today at the Heritage Foundation. So much for bipartisanship and the spirit of cooperation. Did you expect something different?

UPDATE: We mustn't forget to check for conciliatory notes coming from wingnuttia: here, here, and here. Hmm, someone put too much Metamucil in their creamed corn today!

(Image: Don't fear the turtle; run over it)

From Soup to Nuts

Frothing fundamentalist Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association has uncovered a secret plot to impose Sharia law in the United States!! The plot involves the introduction of 15 Campbell's Soup flavors that are halal-certified!! Sweet Jesus on a cracker, call out the militia! Wait... what? The soups are only being marketed in Canada? You mean our kindly neighbors to the north? Are they aware of this imminent danger?!?

Watch out Canada, lest you become Canuckistan!

(Photo: Bryan Fischer, soup Nazi)

(h/t Sadly, No!)

Boo Hoo U

Deranged weeper and college drop-out Glenn "Boo Hoo the Hoot" Beck has found a new way to separate his sheeple from their money. The shill for gold companies (practically his last advertisers) is starting up a new, unaccredited on-line "university" he's calling, modestly, Beck University. We kid you not.

The "university" will offer high-cost misinformation in three categories: faith, hope, and charity (matching up to his faculty, Larry, Moe, and Curly). We'd like to offer a few suggestions. Boo Hoo's title? Dizzy Dean. For the "student" body nickname: The Fightin' Suckers.

Palin's Wrecking Crew

Half-term governor and snowbilly grifter Winky You Betcha is continuing her efforts to be a king(?)maker in the Rethuglican party. Having endorsed candidates ranging from establishment non-maverick Walnuts McCain to any tea bagger filing for office, she is now backing the tea bagger, Joe "Joe" Miller, in the Senate race in Alaska. But wait, you say, isn't that seat already held by Rethug Lisa "BP's BFF" Murkowski? You are correct, sir! Thus, Winky is going against the Rethug establishment while stoking the feud that started when she ousted Murkowski's father as governor several years ago. It's a two-fer!

We're happy to see Winky making mischief in the Rethug primaries. The more tea baggers she gets nominated, the better the chance the Democrat in the race will prevail in November. In this Alaska race, it would be a pleasure to beat either BP's BFF or the tea bagger.