Joke of the Week - CPAC Edition

“You see our movement at its core is an intellectual movement.”  -  gaydar deficient Rep. Michele "Up is Down, Dumb is Smart" Bachmann (Loon-MN), today at the CPAC nut fest gathering, referring to the Tea Party movement (which, were it true, would qualify Bachmann as the movement's Madame Curie).

(Photo:  And that would be the Tea Party's version of Noah Webster.)

Headline of the Day: Magic Wand Edition

"Conservative Christian group mailed vibrator to Michele Bachmann:  report"

We're sure Marcus had nothing to do with this.

(Photo:  And, we're pretty sure that's not President Obama's "magic wand.")

Q and A of the Day - DOMA Edition

REPORTER: Congresswoman [Michele] Bachmann put out a statement and she essentially said that the decision today cannot undo God's word. How do you guys react to that?

NANCY PELOSI: Who cares?

Indeed.

Photo of the Week -- Hard to Kill Conspiracy Theories Edition

Former kung phooey action movie load, sexual harasser , and fantasy camp reserve deputy to Sheriff Joe "Joey Oops" Arpaio -- Steven Seagal (right) adds his formidable weight  eye bags  widow's peak toupee expertise to a delegation led by Rethuglican congresscritters (center) Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (John Birch Society- CA) and Rep. Steve King (Crackpot- IA) -- King is the one with the frightened/ vacant eyes on the left.  The congresscritters were on a junket photo op fact-findin' tour in Russia on Sunday to uncover explosive new evidence of Obama Administration treason whatever "intel" right-wing Russian parliament members and security officials wanted to feed them concerning the Boston Marathon bombing terrorists.  Also in the tour were Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN), presumably there to provide ballast for the lightweights, and, speaking of lightweights, the soon- to- be- retired Rep. Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann (Loon- MN). 

(Photo:  AP/Alexander Zemlianichenko)

Woebegon Bachmann

"In [Michele] Bachmann’s new book “Core of Conviction” (out today), she writes of her fellow Anoka High School alum, 'His politics are very different from mine, but I love his gentle, knowing humor. [Garrison] Keillor understands Minnesota, from Lutherans to lutefisk, and his ability to squeeze laughs out of serious-minded midwesterners makes him a legend.'

"The proud son of Anoka does not hold Bachmann in such high regard. In September, Keillor wrote a letter of support for her Democratic opponent in Minnesota’s 6th district, Tarryl Clark, in which he called Bachmann an embarrassment to citizens of the state." -- Ben Smith in Politico. Our late mother, also an Anoka High School alum, would wholeheartedly agree with Keillor.

Bachmann Blasted by Pediatricians

The American Academy of Pediatrics has come out with a statement trying to counter the ignorant comments of Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann (Loon-MN) at the recent CNN/Tea Bagger race-to-the-bottom debate. (Bachmann asserted that the HPV vaccine caused mental retardation; she was clumsily trying to make points at Gov. Rick "Hair" Perry's (Secessionist-TX) expense over a one-time Perry decision to have girls vaccinated in Texas for the HP virus). Here's what the AAP had to say:

“The American Academy of Pediatrics would like to correct false statements made in the Republican presidential campaign that HPV vaccine is dangerous and can cause mental retardation. There is absolutely no scientific validity to this statement. Since the vaccine has been introduced, more than 35 million doses have been administered, and it has an excellent safety record..."

Regardless, we expect the Rethug's war on science to continue unabated.

Unleash Michele Bachmann, Secret Agent!

Now that we know Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann (Loon- MN) was an undercover infiltrator at the Internal Revenue Service, gathering intel on "the enemy" (i.e., the U.S. Government), we propose she be unleashed (arf-arf) to halt the rise of the Soviet Union!

(Image: Secret Agent Bachmann, reporting for duty!)

Cover Girl

Q. Does this cover photo make Michele Bachmann look loony?
A. Why, yes it does.

Q. Is Michele Bachmann, in fact, loony?
A. Why, yes she is.

Q. Then why is there so much clutching of pearls and running to the fainting couch going on about it(et tu, Jon Stewart?)?
A. Sometimes it hurts to face the truth.

You're welcome.

Is He Or Isn't He?

The internet tubes are abuzz with cross-chat about Marcus "Mr. Michele" Bachmann's sexual orientation.* Our favorite take from this collection by Gawker is by James Urbaniak:

"He's a cure-the-gay therapist out of a John Waters movie. I haven't seen flames this high since the last California wildfire."

The linked-to page includes a link to a short clip of Mr. Michele. We urge you to check it out and then begin to form your own opinion.

* We at Hackwhackers don't give a rat's ass what anyone's sexual orientation is (nor should anyone else) -- except in cases of self-loathing hypocrites, be they heterosexual or homosexual.

"The Michele Bachmann History Channel"

The Bachmanns: Pigs Feeding at the Government Trough

Newly minted Rethug candidate for Preznut Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann (Loon-MN) has long been an opponent of government spending, including federal farm subsidies. Now that she's a candidate for Preznut (how low the bar has dropped!), the Minnesota Loon's finances have come under scrutiny. This article in the LA Times lays out the ... um ... inconsistencies between her rhetoric and reality. It seems she and her family have been all too willing to take gummint subsidies -- $30,000 for the hubby's "Christian counseling clinic"; $260,000 for a family farm in which she's a partner -- while she's busily decrying the same gummint subsidies to her tea bagging base. She even wrote a letter to Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack praising him for providing subsidies for pig and dairy products for her Minnesota district.

We'll see if her opponents make hay (not gummint subsidized, of course!) out of her "do as I say, not as I do" way of doing business.

Ladies and Gentlement, Presenting Your Liberal Media

If you want yet another example of inside-the-Beltway, Rethuglican-wired media, look no further than today's Kaplan Daily front page Sparkle pony puff-piece on Rethuglican wingnuts Michele "Hoot-Smalley" Bachmann and Mama Fizzly. One wonders how writer Sandhya Somashekhar was able to get through the entire love note without ever mentioning any of their dimbulb pronouncements, or their un-electability. Oh, wait... just Google her name and up pops all sorts of (Rethug) love note articles and (Dem/Obama) screeds! (Damn that hippiesocialistobamaloving media!)

(Image: We apologize to any chimpanzees offended by this association with a certain Kaplan Daily "journalist.")

Playing to the Base

Jon Stewart on the Rethug base, Cain, Bachmann, and Gingrich. The stupid... it burns.

Tale of Two Responses

The official response to the President's State of the Union address was delivered by reactionary Rethug Congressman Paul Ryan (Social Darwinist - WI), whose touted "Roadmap for America's Future" would do away with Medicare and disrupt Social Security. Unfortunately for him, he came across as an earnest young funeral director, talking in solemn and almost grim terms about the future. Of course, he didn't mention the improving job numbers, corporate profits and bullish stock market -- signs that the stimulus and other Obama measures are working, albeit slowly. After watching Obama's hopeful and positive address, it was a downer watching the official Rethug response -- they truly have nothing but "cut spending and cut taxes" in their repertoire.

Since Ryan's type of right-wing rhetoric isn't enough for the unhinged base of the Rethuglican/New Confederate Party (a.k.a., teahadists), Minnesota's crackpot Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann trotted out her singular type of divisive crazy talk on the Tea Party Express web site. Her remarks were sprinkled with the usual nuttery about "America is under attack," and the lie that reform is "government-run" health care to be policed by "16,500 IRS agents." Seriously. In clips of her remarks that were shown on the news this morning, she appeared to be staring off into space while speaking. While that was attributed to having two different cameras present, it certainly captured the spacey quality of the loon from Minnesota.

Inmates Escaping the Asylum

There are reports that lunatic Congresswoman Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann's latest chief of staff is quitting, making him the fifth to do so in the crazy Congresswoman's 3 and a half years in office. The staffer, Ron Carey, was just hired last February.

One explanation is that these must be reasonably sane individuals. Therefore, when exposed to the raving lunacy of their boss, their embarrassment needle must be stuck on "maximum" and they have no choice but to go over the wall.

Bonus: As noted on tonight's "The Ed Show," Bachmann's Democratic opponent, Tarryl Clark, has a web site, "Michele Bachmann Said What?" that highlights the crazy woman's blatherings. Well done.

Meet Michele Bachmann, Socialist *

After almost 18 months of non-stop idiocy, where she condemned the Obama Administration's "takeover" of the car and health insurance industries, among other "socialist" plots, crazy Rethuglican Congresswoman Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann is now demanding that the Obama Administration take over the oil leak fiasco. The Minnesota loon said:

"Where were the boats that could have been commandeered by the government to be sent into this region to deal with that oil plume as it was coming up in the water and destroying marine life?"

Get that? "Commandeered by the government." Isn't that heresy among the teabagger mob that Bachmann plays to?
________
*and still batshit crazy

"We (Not) Teabaggin!"

When even certified loon Rep. Michele "I See Commies" Bachmann (Rethug-Land of Ten Thousand Flakes) pulls out of the upcoming tea bagger convention, you know the wheels have come off the cart. Maybe it's the $549 fee to get in? Or the internal squabbling that various tea bag factions are engaged in? Regardless, it will be interesting to see if the organizers will be able to pay Winky You Betcha the $100,000 speaking fee she demanded and still make a few bucks off the boobs, which of course is what this is mostly about for the organizers.