"I Had Surgery On My Ass"

(OK, we admit this one is way too obvious/ easy, but we can't resist.) CNN/ ABC/ wingnut radio cement head Glenn Beck announced he had surgery recently that, apparently, was botched. "I had surgery on my ass," the wingnut wunderkind admitted. The surgery, which was to correct the condition shown in this pre-op picture of Beck, was clearly unsuccessful since he continues to have his head up his ass.

Photo: pre-op, post-op, what's the diff?

"Calling Dr. Phil, Tweety Needs You!"

Think Progress documents Chris "Tweety" Matthews' continuing, pathological obsession with the "Clenis". He's saying that Sen. Clinton's successes are a result of Bill Clinton's philandering. Without any shred of evidence backing his claim. Please follow the link at the end of Think Progress' post to understand how much this hack is obsessed with the Clintons' sex life.

Tweety needs an intervention. His "Hardball" shows are an endless smear-fest against the Clintons in specific, and Democrats in general, while he swoons endlessly over the "manly" Foghorn Thompson and Walnuts McCain as "real men" and heroes worthy of his goofy praise. It was painful to watch him with Keith Olbermann last night, as Tweety went off into one of his rhapsodies about Walnuts' heroism, after Walnuts' flat victory speech was mocked by everyone as being a patchwork of platitudes assembled from his staff.

Very Interesting

Theories abound as to Sen. Clinton's surprising win over Sen. Obama in the New Hampshire primary. Clinton thinks it was her performance in the weekend debate that gave her the narrow victory. Others range from her emotional response to a question at a campaign appearance on Monday which spurred older female voters to rally to her side, to having the majority of independent voters decide that the closer race would be between Walnuts McCain and Willard Flip/Mousse/Mitt Romney so they voted there instead of for Obama.

The certain outcome is that it has created a more interesting race; it won't be a coronation of either Clinton or Obama. The primaries in Nevada, South Carolina, and super Tuesday are ahead, and the race is still fluid.

Meanwhile, on the Rethug side, it's Walnuts and Hucksterbee favored going into Michigan and South Carolina. Michigan will likely be Willard Flip/Mousse/Mitt's last best shot, but he'll pay what's necessary to stay alive. And Foghorn Fred, once the Rethuglican's Last Best Hope? ONE PERCENT OF THE VOTE! Hopefully, "Law and Order" has some scripts for him soon.

"Iron My Shirt!"

Hackwhackers brings you the exclusive picture (left) of who we believe to be the two Rethug guerrilla (gorilla?) theater wannabees who interrupted a Clinton rally in Salem, NH, yesterday demanding that she "Iron my shirt." If only she could iron their shirts while they're still wearing them...

Note: to those out there who think these were Clinton plants, the black helicopters are waiting to take off with you.

Get A Grip, Lou

Just caught the delusional Lou "Meskin Menace" Dobbs on CNN's "Situation Room." Wolf "Man" Blitzer opened by asking Dobbs if he had ruled out running for President. (Let's wait a moment until the laughter subsides).

The self-important talking head responded that, while he never says "never", it's not looking like something he wants to do. Doesn't fit his temperament. Of course not. To run for office would expose this obnoxious bloviator to scrutiny that his colleagues and superiors at CNN have never exposed him to. Can you imagine how quickly this blow-dried souffle of a Tee Vee personality would collapse in an actual political campaign? Dobbs imagines his supporters number in the millions, but in truth, he'd be lucky to out-poll Rethug Duncan Hunter, or crazy Dem Mike Gravel.

Looking for the Gulf of Tonkin?

Initial reports indicate that the Iranians played chicken with U.S. naval vessels in the Strait of Hormuz. But with the Bushit Assministration's fetish with provoking a war with Iran, and their lying to push us into that war (as they did with Iraq), it creates doubt as to the circumstances. A Bushit legacy if there ever was one.

The Gulf of Tonkin at the time looked like a clear case of North Vietnamese aggression against our forces in the South China Sea, but history told a different story. This story is still unfolding.

Wee Willie, Big-Time(s) Columnist

Wee Willie Kristol, ace pie-catcher and now the New Yawk Times' latest blunder, debuted on the op/ed page Monday, taking Nixon apologist William Safire's slot. (Wee Willie, you might recall, was canned at Time, where he was inexplicably replaced with a Bush-league wanker, Ramesh "I Google Myself, Therefore I Am" Ponnuru.)

M.J. Rosenberg at TPM Cafe says it wasn't pretty (Rethug National Committee talking points seldom are). Andrew Rosenthal, the useful tool, continues to deconstruct the paper of James Reston and Russell Baker. Someone stop him before he pinches off another one.

UPDATE: Wee Willie couldn't complete his first poo flinging without making an error. As is being noted far and wide, he misidentified winger Michelle "Cheerleader" Malkin as the source of a quote in his column.

Shoulda Slugged Him

Several news agencies reported on the confrontation between Fux News prima donna Bill O'Really(?) and an aide to Senator Obama at a rally on Saturday. O'Really(?) pushed his ass up to the security cordon that separates the candidate from the press and public, wanting to catch Obama off guard. Seeing this, a number of Obama supporters greeted the Fux celebrity with the middle finger salute, and shouts of "hatemonger" and "f**k you" - - which was restrained, considering the Fux man's provocation.

After some shoving with the Obama aide and Secret Service men, O'Really(?) eventually got his 5 seconds with Sen. Obama. But it's a shame that the arrogant Fux man didn't get a nice knuckle sandwich first.

Quote of the Week

From the January 5 Rethuglican debate in New Hampshire:

"I just wanted to say to Governor Romney, we disagree on a lot of issues, but I agree that you are the candidate of change." - - Sen. John "Walnuts" McCain, skewering Willard Flip/Mousse/Mitt Romney, political weathervane extraordinaire.

Hee hee hee.

Pundits Flameout in Iowa

Glenn Greenwald has a great post on the wishful/magical thinking of many pundits regarding what they thought would be Hucksterbee's Iowa showing. From Joe Klein to Michelle Malkin, they completely missed (or ignored) what was happening on the ground in Iowa. Next wishful/magical thinking moments: Obama won't translate his Iowa win to a win in New Hampshire; Walnuts McCain is BACK!! Ronald Raygun is being kept alive cryogenically!

9/11, 9/11, 9/11. . .

Ah, Rudy. How do you suppose he framed his 6th place finish in Iowa? Riiiiight.
"None of this worries me," Rudy Toot Tooty claimed, "September 11 - there were times I was worried."

Maybe he was worried people would start talking about how the fire department's radios were incompatible with the police department's, or maybe about his decision to place the emergency command center in the World Trade Center complex. Or maybe about Bernie Kerik's use of an apartment set aside for rescue workers in order to bang Judith Regan. Or. . . .well, you get the idea.

Obamarama Time

An impressive win for Senator Obama in Iowa. No matter who you support in the Democratic Presidential field, watching Sen. Obama's speech after his victory in Iowa last night was moving. He hits all the right notes, if not for the Democratic core, then certainly with the general electorate. Several talking heads compared his message to Bobby Kennedy's. The voter turnout was a story in itself. Young Democratic and independent voters turned out in record numbers, far more than on the Rethuglican side. This bodes ill in the future for Rethuglicans, who count on low voter turnout / voter supression tactics to elect their candidates. On to New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina.

Meanwhile, Hucksterbee captured the nod on the Rethuglican side thanks to a large turnout of evangelical conservatives, which is sending the Rethugs' economic plutocrats and neocon warriors to the fainting couch. Many people are now observing that after decades of cynically and transparently cultivating the votes of the evangelicals, the Rethug elites have a frontrunner that doesn't belong to their country club, and doesn't seem to want to play their music. Such a shame, after all that deception.

An added bonus to Huck's win is that Willard/Flip/Mutt/Mousse Mitt Romney blew millions of his own money to come in a distant second. Now, he'll either have to disinherit one of his sons, or cut back on his cosmetics. Easy choice: see ya, son!

McCain To Be Swift-Boated?

Grrr!!! If you think Walnuts McCain is angry here, wait until Monday! The blogosphere is rife with the rumor that a book to be out on Monday, January 7 (the day before the New Hampshire primary) will swift-boat Walnuts McCain. The rumor is vague and could apply to several candidates, but some of the betting is that Gerard "Apocalypse Now" Kiley, head of Vietnam Veterans Against John McCain and leader of the "swift-boat" smears on John Kerry in 2004, is going to try to paint Walnuts as having sold out his country while a POW in Vietnam (!) and is doing Vietnam's bidding now for fear of exposure (!!).

Clearly Mr. Kiley has taken way too many concussive blows to the head... While we're not fans of McCain's politics, we believe he's a man who served his country courageously. If this takes place as advertised, it only will demonstrate to the world what absolute loons there are out there on the far right Rethug fringe, and that they'll stop at nothing to damage their political enemies. One hopes this will lead to the demise of Kiley's group if not his crackpot ideas, but we're not terribly sanguine.

At The Movies

One of the unexpectedly pleasant gifts received at Christmas was seeing "Juno." It's been nominated for 3 Golden Globe awards, and it's a funny, touching and totally captivating movie. The lead character, played by the adorable Canadian actress Ellen Page, is a wise-cracking teen who faces her sudden pregnancy and her options with humor and humanity. The cast is believable and the movie has a raw appeal. It's getting quite the buzz, as it should, so go see it.

The NYT and Nepotism

NYT's Rosenthal with J-Pod: NYT's Next Hire?

The New York Times' announcement over the holiday season that neocon wanker William "Wee Willie" Kristol was going to foul the op-ed pages of that formerly great newspaper set off some fireworks. We're wondering how many media platforms does this smirking chickenhawk need to throw his b.s. from. Although he was just dropped from Time magazine, he has Fux News, the 'Weakly' Standard, and other right wing orifices from which to toot his small horn. And why Wee Willie, since there are so many winger hacks to choose from?

In the background of this story is the undertone of nepotism. A NYT decisionmaker in the Wee Willie hiring was Andrew Rosenthal, son of former NYT biggie A.M. Rosenthal; Wee Willie's the son of neocon figure Irving "Cloudy" Kristol. They join wingnut John Podhoretz, son of crazy "Stormin'" Norman Podhoretz, who wants to bomb Iran yesterday, in the Great Hall of Nepotism. If their last names were Johnson or Smith, they'd be selling used cars in Topeka.

(photo: Documenting the strange resemblence between Andrew Rosenthal, left, and John Podhoretz)