
(Signe Wilkinson, via gocomics.com)
Perspectives on politics, culture, and the media since 2006
"Can everybody on both sides of the big political dig please now come to the overdue realization that the president was not elected to fulfill your rosy dreams of what you believe America to be? He was a politician, more ambitious than most, who was handed the biggest dungburger of pre-existing political conditions of any president since FDR. Right now, his primary obligation to himself — and, I would argue, to democracy its own self — is to keep his job out of the well-manicured and grasping talons of Willard Romney. That he is doing so with enough vigor to give the vapors to the country's lycanthropic financial titans, and to the reporters who worship them, is what he's supposed to be doing. And, in doing so, I don't think he's gone more than a yard out of bounds to make his hits. If that disturbs nappy-nap time for people who thought the country voted for Martin Luther Ruxspin last time around, that's just going to have to be too bad."
“I like Governor Palin,” Cheney said of the former Alaska governor. “I’ve met her. I know her. . . . Attractive candidate. But based on her background, she’d only been governor for, what, two years. I don’t think she passed that test . . . of being ready to take over. And I think that was a mistake.”Not surprisingly, Alaska's half-term Governor has recently lined up with the American Taliban and other homophobes in supporting Chick-Fil-A, whose CEO has come out (no pun intended) against marriage equality and other LGBT issues. "Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods" (as Esquire's great Charles Pierce accurately refers to her) is through politically -- she wasn't even invited to the Rethug convention -- but she'll continue to stand squarely on the wrong side of everything. A "mistake?" Yes, and one that America luckily avoided electing.
"So, beyond the anemic economy, why do the latest polls show the former Massachusetts governor in a dead heat with the president? Because Obama’s administration made three crucial errors that enabled the Republican obstructionism that has tied his hands for the past two years, with GOP leaders shooting down any idea — even if it’s one of their own — that might have helped the president strengthen the economy. And those mistakes have made possible what was unimaginable in January 2009: that a private-equity baron lacking a sense of noblesse oblige, and preaching the gospel of deregulation and lower taxes for the rich, might actually win the presidency four years after those policies led to the collapse of the U.S. economy."
"To compile this list, Health.com used data from several sources, including the Kaiser Family Foundation, the National Women’s Law Institute, and the Guttmacher Institute.
"We looked at more than a dozen indicators, including the percentage of women getting first trimester prenatal care, the percentage of women who were up-to-date on cervical and breast cancer screening, maternal mortality rates, and the percentage of women living in poverty.
"States that were in the top 10 on these indicators were most likely to be included in our list; states are not listed in any particular order."
The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
1. Calling into question the preparations for the Olympics, resulting in some pointed return jabs from Prime Minister David Cameron, London Mayor Boris Johnson, and the British press;There's still time for weird Willard to garner more tin medals on his international charm offensive. Poland offers a target-rich opportunity for some good natured Polish jokes, and Israel shouldn't be offended if former Mormon bishop Willard offers to collect the names of deceased Israelis so as to posthumously baptize them.If only he were using the trip to look into new offshore investment opportunities...
2. Forgetting the name of head of the Labour Party, Ed Miliband, and referring to him as "Mr. Leader."
3. Announcing to the world that he met with the head of Great Britain's super-secret MI6, a no-no that indicates Willard is unprepared for dealing with security matters.
4. Repeating the debunked canard that Obama returned a bust of Winston Churchill to the British Embassy (repeated today by professional dickwad and Obama Derangement Syndrome sufferer Charles "Kraphammer" Krauthammer in the Kaplan Daily). The bust's still in the White House, of course.
Serious dismay in Whitehall at Romney debut. 'Worse than Sarah Palin.' 'Total car crash'. Two of the kinder verdicts #romneyshambles
— James Chapman (Mail) (@jameschappers) July 26, 2012
"Mitt Romney’s brazen attitude toward Bain Capital’s dealings in Panama, coupled with his refusal to release his tax returns, shows he is more than out of touch with the causes of the men and women he would serve. He is openly at odds with their financial well-being. How is it that someone can talk relatively openly about having potentially taxable income parked overseas and remain a viable candidate for the highest public office? How often, really, do places with lax banking regulations such as Liechtenstein, or Andorra, or Switzerland enter our national dialogue? [snip]
"[W]hen all of those individual [American plutocrat] offshore accounts are considered as a whole, they present a resoundingly clear and alarming picture. All of that potentially taxable income sitting in tax havens amounts to billions—some estimates say trillions—of dollars lost from the American tax pool. For local communities, this translates into a host of government services and programs that won’t be launched because the revenue that would have funded them has been lost forever."
"What I find most fascinating about Michele Bachmann — and there are many, many more where she came from — is that she presents herself as a godly woman, humbly devoted to her Christian faith. I’d like to meet that god, and I’d like to understand that Christianity."The whole column is worth a read, because it captures the essential hypocrisy and dementia of the far right, especially those that style themselves as "evangelical Christians." It's a pity that she doesn't practice what her religion preaches.
“The Muslim Brotherhood can’t even penetrate the Egyptian government,” said a Brotherhood leader in Egypt’s Daqheleya province, Ibrahim Ali Iraqi, in response to the accusations his group had infiltrated top US agencies.BWAHAHAHA.
"Because a lot of us are much too willing to believe whatever a rich, successful guy tells us -- especially when he tells us that our problems are exclusively our fault and not the fault of people like himself. If a guy is rich, and he tells us he and his class are helping us when they're really hurting us, a lot of us just believe him -- after all, he helped himself, didn't he? If we're not being helped, it must be our fault."Or, as the great Charles P. Pierce (who gave us the title for this posting) succinctly puts it:
"He's a fake and you're all morons.(Image: Robbins and ...(sigh) Oprah)
Bailiff, bring in the next group."
We have to do something about gun controls. Police license okay for hunting rifle or pistol for anyone without crim or pscho record. No more
— Rupert Murdoch(@rupertmurdoch) July 22, 2012
"At a basketball game, the President and Michelle Obama got caught off-guard on a Kiss Cam. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney was caught off-guard by the Show Us Your Tax Returns Cam."
---Conan O'Brien
-
"Mitt Romney says he doesn’t know where his financial records are because he doesn’t manage them. He would have said more but he had to go give a speech on why he's the perfect guy to manage the economy."
---Jimmy Fallon
-
"I was just the guy with the smoke-screen'ish yet still-legal title of CEO and managing director who was paid at least one hundred thousand dollars a year to do what, according to me, Mitt Romney, was nothing! And that's the kind of common-sense business experience I hope to bring to the White House."
---Jon Stewart, channeling his inner Mitt
-
"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And, by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?"
---David Letterman
-
"I don’t know why, but Mitt Romney has gotten this reputation as a guy who can't identify with the common man, no matter how hard he fires them."
---Stephen Colbert
"Look, President Obama attacks success, and therefore, under President Obama we have less success."
"I was just the guy with the smokescreenish yet still legal title of CEO and managing director who was paid at least $100,000 a year to do... nothing. And that's the kind of common sense business experience I hope to bring to the White House."
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
Democalypse 2012 - Bain Damage | ||||
www.thedailyshow.com | ||||
|
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
Democalypse 2012 - Bain Damage - Romney's Blind Trust | ||||
www.thedailyshow.com | ||||
|
"The Romney campaign prides itself on a slavish adherence to script, and Palin cannot be trusted to avoid the impulse to go rogue. That is why, perhaps, the Romney campaign has not asked Palin to speak at the convention nor contacted her about even attending the party’s marquee event in Tampa."We can't wait for the snowbilly grifter to roll up in her touring bus in the parking lot of the convention, uninvited, making a scene as she speaks in her customary word salad to the teabagger goobers. You know she's not going to go away quietly. We're lovin' it.
"In other news, immediately after hearing the phrase 'retroactive retirement,' Penn State University officials began drafting paperwork to retroactively retire Paterno and Sandusky in 1997 so as to avoid any civil litigation related to the Nittany Lion child rape regime."
"What's brilliant about 'Firms' isn't so much the way it mails home the irony of Romney murdering 'America the Beautiful' with his toneless, tuneless voice on the soundtrack as info flashcards remind us of all the jobs Bain Capital shipped overseas and how much money Romney's stashed in tax havens such as Bermuda and the Cayman Islands, though it is a clever, damaging juxtaposition that takes Romney's chief asset as a candidate--his halo of executive achievement--and hangs it around his neck like a choke collar. Very Rovian, that."
"[Romney's] policy proposals amount to a radical redistribution of income away from the middle class to the very rich; he’s also being highly dishonest about budgets and just about everything else. How to make those true facts credible? By associating them with his business career, which involved a lot of profiting by laying off workers and/or taking away their benefits; his personal finances, which involved so much tax avoidance that he’s afraid to let us see his returns before 2010; his shiftiness over when exactly he left Bain."
"Most presidents have something under the hood – wit, warmth, approachability, something. [snip]
"But Romney doesn’t buzz with anything. His vision of humanity is just a million tons of meat floating around in a sea of base calculations. He’s like a teenager who stays up all night thinking of a way to impress the prom queen, and what he comes up with is kicking a kid in a wheelchair. Instincts like those are probably what made him a great leveraged buyout specialist, but in a public figure? Man, is he a disaster. It’s really incredible theater, watching the Republicans talk themselves into this guy."
"Romney had absolutely nothing to do with Bain after 1999, no responsibility for anything it did, barely even knew what it did. Only he was the owner, the Chairman of the Board and the CEO. At least according to all the official documents, many of which he signed. Only he wasn’t any of those things, says Romney.
"Partisans can be walked through the arguments of how this might be true, just as you could explain what John Kerry meant by saying he was for a bill before he voted against it. But it still makes no sense. And doubling down on nonsense makes you look silly and trapped. That’s especially dangerous for someone already saddled with a reputation for shifting his stories and positions to suit the moment."
"Watch this new Obama campaign ad and have your mind blown because, my god, wow, it’s actually a perfect ad, and we’re going to be talking about its ice-cold haunting killer beauty perfectness for years to come."
"The great majority of small business -- 54% of American workers work in businesses taxed as individuals. So when the president wants to raise taxes on individuals as he's proposed from 35% to 40%, he kills jobs. If your priority is crushing people, vote for him."
"The Republican message to uninsured Americans in the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent ruling couldn’t be clearer: You’re on your own.
"The party may not have officially adopted the 'let him die' policy of right-wing hecklers at that CNN primary debate, when Ron Paul was asked what should be done when an uninsured man shows up at the hospital. But as a practical matter, Republicans are in pretty unsavory territory. What other conclusion can we draw when Rick Perry, who presides over a state where one in four people lack health coverage, makes swaggering indifference to these Texans’ plight a point of sovereign pride?
"Fifty million uninsured Americans would be the immediate casualties of the GOP’s 'let them eat the emergency room' mentality. But all of us would be at risk. In America — alone among wealthy nations — everyone is a pink slip or job change or new illness away from finding they have lost coverage or are uninsurable.
"This is the shameful reality behind the GOP’s rhetoric on health care. Republicans don’t want to spend a penny to insure the uninsured.
"We know this because back during the original debate over Obamacare, the 'boldest' GOP alternative would have extended coverage to 3 million of the 50 million uninsured, versus Obama’s 30 million (which still leaves us 20 million short of behaving like every other civilized nation, mind you). [snip]
"You may have noticed that Republicans have been struggling to come up with a credible alternative to the Affordable Care Act once they repeal it. Why is it so hard? Because Obamacare WAS the Republican alternative. It was the conservative-designed mandate and subsidy approach. Republicans are in such an intellectual cul-de-sac on this issue that Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) actually blasted Obamacare for being a sop to the president’s 'cronies' in the insurance industry. Oy!
"I feel like a broken record, but some truths bear repeating. Only in America could a Democratic president pass Mitt Romney’s health plan and fund it partly through John McCain’s best idea from the last campaign (taxing some employer-provided plans) and be branded a 'socialist.'”