Clash of the Bigots

The "Catholic" League's Wild Bill Donohue is blasting Walnuts for accepting the endorsement of talibangelist John "Armageddon Rich" Hagee on Wednesday. Calling Hagee a "bigot" (well, Donohue is an expert in that area) who has "waged an unrelenting war against the Catholic Church," Wild Bill called on McCain to repudiate the endorsement. A spokesman for another Catholic group, Catholics United, said, "By receiving the endorsement of an outspoken critic of the Catholic Church, McCain once again demonstrates that he is willing to sell out his principles for a chance to win the Presidency."

Hagee has been quoted as calling the Catholic Church "The Great Whore," an "apostate church," the "anti-Christ," and a "false cult system." Hagee apparently believes McCain represents the best chance to lead the U.S. into war with Iran, triggering the "end of days" he so fervently prays for. In fact, Hagee's support for Israel is all based on his Biblical interpretation that we are in the final days before Armageddon (and of course, when that day comes, the Jews will all go straight to Hell without benefit of a handbasket -- psst, someone clue the Anti-Defamation League into Hagee's endorsement, will ya?!).

(Photo: Bill Donohue -- using Hagee's formulation, does that make Donohue a great whoremonger?)

Minn. DOT Chief Ousted

The Minnesota State Senate voted yesterday to throw the state's transportation commissioner out of office. Carol Molnau is notorious for refusing funding for her department for roads and bridges. Hmmm... Minnesota... bridges... ring a bell? Molnau was the implementer of "bridge-collapse conservative" Gov. Tim Pawlenty's policy of ignoring the state's aging and underfunded infrastructure. She is remembered for standing smiling behind Bridge Collapse Tim as he vetoed a road spending bill two years ago that would have put funds into, among other things, refurbishing the I-35W bridge that collapsed on August 1, 2007, in Minneapolis. Pawlenty has recently been mentioned as a possible running mate for Walnuts! McCain. What short memories those Rebunglecans have!

The Sludge Factor

By now, everyone and his brother knows that Britain's Prince Harry has been removed from his duty post in Afghanistan for safety reasons following the exposure of his location on the right-wing "Drudge Report" smear blog. Nicely played, Sludge, he of the pseudo- 1940's private eye hat. Sadly, unlike much of the junk on the "Drudge Report," this proved to be correct. Looks like he's the one that "hates the troops."

The typical feeding cycle for the media seems to be: wingers leak "information" or just plain crap to Sludge, it's breathlessly posted on his blog, and the mainstream media runs with it as if it's sourced and reliable. After all, as Time's Mark Halperin famously said, "Drudge rules our world."

Too bad we can't stuff this inauthentic creep into a uniform, ship him off to Iraq or Afghanistan, and let him see what his recklessness produces.

Dumbya: Still in the Land of Oz

Demonstrating that he still thinks he's the great and munificent Oz, Dumbya wants us to believe we're not heading into a recession. We're guessing a man with 19% approval rating (14% for his handling of the economy) has nothing to lose (certainly not credibility) by clanking his brass ones in front of the world. He's trying to get away with it on the FISA bill extension, of course, putting the safety and profits of the telecom giants above the American people. Will January 2009 never arrive?

Quote of the Day

Referring to William F. Buckley, Jr.'s death yesterday, Senate Minority Leader Mitch "Missy" McConnell had this to say in a press release:

"And when we learned that he had died in his study, he inspired us by his death."

Inspiration through expiration: the new Rethuglican mantra.

(hat tip to Spencer Ackerman, The Washington Independent)

Bloomberg Won't Run

Billionaire New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced today that he won't be running for President in 2008. This follows months of speculation, much of it self-generated by Bloomberg and his associates, that he might mount a run especially if the "center" looked like it was being abandoned by the Democrats and Rebunglecans. Speculation now is that, with the rise of Sen. Obama into the clear front-runner position among Democrats and many independents, the base Bloomberg would have appealed to has evaporated. Even further out on the speculative margin, some are wondering if Bloomberg could now be on Obama's short list for VP. We're not ready to go off that deep end yet.

But, kudos to Bloomberg for having his ego under control, unlike a certain 70-something professional spoiler we've seen emerge from under his rock recently.

Thuggery

While we're on thuggish "conservatives," we fear this pinhead is closer to the Rethuglican mainstream than some would like to admit. Why do we say that? After these remarks, Walnuts supporter and former Ohio Congressman Rob Portman said, "Bill Cunningham lending his voice to this campaign is extremely important."

Well, he got the "extremely" part right. Giving him minimal credit, Walnuts condemned the remarks after everyone went home.

(Photo: Cunningham proudly showing off his IQ score.)

Buckley Dead at 82

William F. Buckley, Jr., one of the major figures in the resurgence of conservatism in the U.S. has died at 82. Buckley, "born to the manor" to a wealthy New York family, was a Yale-educated, often condescending, and aristocratic spokesman and publisher for right wing causes for some 50 years, but he was at the same time entertaining and interesting on his long-running "Firing Line" program (ironically, on commercial-free public television). He counted some progressive luminaries, such as John Kenneth Galbraith and Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. among his friends. To his credit, he lacked the crude, thuggish instincts of today's Limbaugh/Coulter/Hannity/Savage crew of reactionary bloviators.

Bush's Third Term

A recent poll released by the American Research Group, Inc. has Dumbya's job approval rating at an all-time low of 19%. His approval rating for the handling of the economy is - - not surprisingly - - even lower: 14%.

Walnuts! McCain's positions on the major issues would virtually ensure that his election would be a "third" Bushit term. The Democrats would be insane not to point out this out over and over again.

Turkey and Giblets

The recent Turkish invasion of the Kurdish area of Iraq points up the disaster Bushit policies have wrought in the Middle East. Above all, the Middle East - - and Iraq in particular - - is a witches' brew of hostile ethnic and religious disparity: Shiite and Sunni, Arab and Kurd, Baathist and Islamist, and multiple variations of the above and more. Dumbya literally threw gasoline on these hot coals that have existed for centuries when he manufactured a cause for war and ordered the invasion of Iraq. The Bushits thought that they could conquer Iraq on the cheap, while Afghanistan - - and now nuclear Pakistan - - continues to disintegrate under al Qaeda and Taliban resurgence (remember them? The ones who actually attacked us?) The Kurds, Iraqis, and we are reaping the whirlwind of Dumbya's arrogance and incompetence, and will do so for years to come regardless of the 2008 election outcome.

2008 Election Results In!

Breaking News! Through a Diebold software glitch, the Onion is revealing the results of the 2008 Presidential election. Curse those shadowy puppetmasters and overlords! Now we won't have to stay up late on November to see how Ohio goes!

Obama Pulls Ahead in Texas, Gets Endorsements

For the first time, polls are showing Sen. Obama ahead in Texas, 50% to 46%. Ohio is also trending in Obama's favor, although Clinton still is ahead by nearly double digits in some polls. National polls show Obama leading Clinton by double digits among Democrats. Significantly, Obama was endorsed today by the 5 leading newspapers in Texas: the Dallas Morning News, Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Houston Chronicle, Austin American-Statesman, and San Antonio Express-News. The endorsements are glowing (and growing).

Pundits and the campaigns agree that Clinton would have to win big in both Texas and Ohio on March 4 to even have a chance of catching Obama. To quote Dana Carvey quoting George H.W. "Poppy" Bush, "Not gonna happen!"

UPDATE: The latest to endorse Obama: Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT). Bravo!

Brain-Dead Media

We're back to our chimp theme, since this is about the "main stream media." C&L has not one but two examples of what passes as thought for the fools and charlatans that overwhelmingly populate the media. Look and weep.

Sunday News Roundup

Crazywing spoiler Ralph "I'm Still Relevant" Nader announced he's running for president as a third-party (Loons?) candidate. Poor Ralph (pictured at left with our prediction of the number of votes he'll get this time around). The dotty, 73-year-old egomaniac thinks he's leading a parade. Let's see how many state ballots he gets on.

Also today, the WaPo joins with the RNC and its willing handmaidens in the MSM to begin its effort to de-construct Barack Obama. You know the familiar pattern: first the media is enthralled with a candidate; then it becomes sensitive to (Rethuglican) criticism that it has swooned; then to reestablish its creds (with the Right), it begins the skeptical, de-mythification process. Today was the WaPo's "Barack, we hardly knew ye" day, with two articles (the one above and one nearly identical by Chris Cillizzard and Shanunu Murray) and a Broderesque editorial ("The Obama Enigma") wondering where, oh where, would Obama lead us, asking "So is Mr. Obama a standard liberal clad in the soothing language of inclusiveness?" The WaPo (Hiatt, Broder, or Gerson?) may not have noticed, but "standard" liberalism is a political philosophy of tolerance and inclusiveness; it's the right wingers that want to cast everything into an us-or-them format, that seek to divide and polarize. What is it about the last 7 --hell, 15-- years that these numbnuts don't get?

Hillary Goes for an Oscar

The day before the event, Hillary Clinton is making a strong case for a Best Actress Oscar. If this isn't the most transparent, contrived, embarrassing tripe ever spoken in a campaign, we'd like to know what is. Note the faux anger, the attempt to put Obama in the "Rove playbook" camp, attacking Obama while decrying attacks on fellow Democrats. This is so shameful and so dishonest that one can only conclude that the teary show of unity at the last "debate" was yet another piece of acting by this increasingly shrill, erratic candidate and her campaign. No, shame on YOU, Hillary!

Rethug Values, Cont'd.

Arizona Rethuglican Representative Rick "Slick" Renzi has been indicted on multiple felony charges, including conspiracy, extortion, money laundering and fraud. Slick is a close ally of Walnuts! McCain, and serves as his campaign co-chair. In fact, thanks to the February 20 New York Times article, Walnuts! has some 'splainin' to do on his past "dealings" with a female lobbyist, as we noted here on Wednesday.

Pretty soon, they'll need to build some new prisons to hold all of the Rethug politicians taking the perp walk.

Quote of the Day

The unintentional humor award goes to George "Quill Pen" Will, the prissy pundit of the right, who writes in his syndicated column today:

"On Nov. 3, 1774, [Edmund] Burke, an intellectual founder of modern conservatism. . . ."

That's right. Modern as the 18th century. Hee hee.

Blowing Snow

Think Progress reports that former White House Press Suckertary Tony "Snow Job" Snow has joined right wing propagandist Bill O'Really? on his Radio Factor fib-fest as a "permanent fill-in host". Snow Job should fit in seamlessly from his former perch as White House spin artist/Fux News host (hard to see the difference). After all, the boobs that tune in to hear either O'Really? or Snow Job are part of the 26% that believe that Dumbya is doing a terrific job as Preznit.

(illustration: Newscorpse.com)

Change to Win Union Goes for Obama

The Change to Win consortium of unions, representing 5 million workers, is endorsing Barack Obama. This follows on the heels of the 1.5 million member Teamsters Union endorsement. In addition to the endorsement, the union is calling for Clinton to drop out of the race. It seems, especially since Wisconsin and polls showing Clinton losing support in Texas and Ohio, there is a realization everywhere but in the Clinton camp that Obama is headed for the nomination. Perhaps the time is coming soon for a group of party "wise men/women" to pay a visit to the Clintons and tell them what everyone else knows: that they will only hurt the party's chances in November if they persist in their restoration ego trip.

Make That 11 in a Row

Barack Obama has now won 11 primaries in a row, the latest the "Democrats Abroad," in which he garnered 65% of the vote.

On "Experience"

Mossback/ Tory columnist George "I Have Four Powdered Wigs" Will occasionally has his minions (one seen here, at left) stop researching Bartlett's for pithy quotes to do some "historical" research. In today's WaPo, his minions have come up with the following nugget relating to the "experience" argument Hillary Clinton has been using, unsuccessfully, against Barack Obama:

"The President who came to office with the most glittering array of experiences had served 10 years in the House of Representatives, then became minister to Russia, then served 10 years in the Senate, then four years as secretary of state...then was minister to Britain. Then, in 1856, James Buchanan was elected president and in just one term secured a strong claim to being ranked as America's worst president. Abraham Lincoln, the inexperienced former one-term congressman, had an easy act to follow."

Now, we're not saying a Hillary Clinton presidency would be tantamount to a James Buchanan restoration, but it does point out that judgment and character should also weigh heavily in the equation.

Straight Talk Sexpress?

The online New York Times is publishing this bombshell about Walnuts McCain's dealings around the time of the 2000 campaign with Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman (pictured here). The article details Walnuts' interaction with Ms. Iseman, who is 30 years Walnuts' junior, the extent of which caused his aides to keep the two separate in order to "save him from himself."

Beyond the marital infidelity issue (which both Walnuts and Ms. Iseman deny happened), a larger question the article raises is whether Ms. Iseman improperly influenced Walnuts in business before his committee. We'll have to see if the Times is holding more cards than it's showing, or whether this is a one-or-two news cycle story.

We Strip, You Decide

Bimbo Alert! We know Fox "News" Channel would like to be taken seriously as a professional news organization. [Pause for uncontrollable laughter] In that light, we report and you decide what this says about their gravitas.

(Courtney looks loofah-ready, dontcha think, O'Really?)

Obama Landslide in Wisconsin

We knew our ancestral home would come through for Barack Obama, but it came through like a tornado!! Obama won 58% to 41% for Hillary Clinton, a larger margin than any poll had predicted before yesterday's primary. He gets 42 delegates and Clinton gets 32. The voters ignored the last-minute negative campaigning waged by the Clintonistas to give Obama this resounding, thumping victory in a state that was supposedly tailor-made for Clinton's constituency. In fact, Obama won every demographic except white women over 50 (which he just barely lost). His margin among independents was 2 to 1 (Wisconsin has an open primary system), an important group that Democrats will need in the general election.

Meanwhile, the Clinton camp is staying negative, despite all evidence that this is alienating more and more Democrats and independents. Look for this Thursday's debate in Texas to be one where Hillary attempts to throw Obama off his stride, commit a gaffe or come across as "too mean" to Hillary. It's said the Clintons don't give up easily, but for the good of the party, we hope they don't do too much damage before, inevitably we think, Hillary has to bow out.

(Oh, PS, Obama won in Hawaii, too. That makes 10 straight over Hillary, by increasingly large margins.)

No Poaching

Reports are circulating that the Clinton campaign will aggressively try to convince pledged Obama delegates to switch sides before the Democratic convention. These are the delegates elected by the people voting in the primaries and caucuses, not the party's "superdelegates." Disturbing. That and the full court press by the Clinton campaign to have the Michigan and Florida delegates seated at the convention, despite the Democratic Party's firm stand that the Democratic primaries in those states were illegitimate.

There's a whiff of desperation about these tactics, and it won't serve the cause of the Democratic Party come November, regardless of who is nominated.

UPDATE: The Clinton campaign is denying that it will "poach" delegates from Obama. Let's keep it as clean as possible, OK?

Just Words

As voters go to the polls in Wisconsin, and caucus in Hawaii, Robert Farley at Lawyers, Guns and Money has the best summary analysis of the faux Obama/ Deval Patrick "plagiarism" kerfuffle the Clinton camp has tried to inflate in the last 24 hours. Senator Clinton, you and your staff are not showing a lot of confidence if you are using wispy "nontroversies" (h/t John Ridley) like this one to gain an edge -- any edge. You just look desperate. Are you?

Don't Look Under My Robes!

Dayum! Another Rethug sex scandal... who'd a thunk it?

This time it's a Bushit judicial appointee, bankruptcy Judge Robert Somma, who was stopped after a traffic accident. The police reported that he was fumbling through a purse looking for his drivers licence, and got out of his Mercedes wearing a black cocktail dress and fishnet stockings (!!). You go, girl, er, judge!

Rethug family values. Feel the love.

Poppy Endorses Walnuts!

In a show of geriatric solidarity, former President George Herbert Walker "Read My Lips" Bush today endorsed fellow sepulchral Rethug Walnuts McCain. As endorsements go, this one could have a real downside since Poppy is rightly viewed as the ultimate establishment Rethug who betrayed conservative principles by going back on a certain pledge ("Read my lips, no new taxes"). And who appointed a certain Supreme Court justice (liberal David Souter). Not the kind of move likely to persuade the likes of Limpballs, (M)Ann, or Glenn "'Roids Afire" Beck that Walnuts is in tune with the crazy music playing in their heads.

(Photo: Poppy about to dig some Mantovani. STR/AFP/Getty Images)

Omigod, They Just Keep on A-Coming

OK, this would be Rethug Sex Blotter No. 72,350. I can only type so fast, guys. Seems like we have another Rethug caught in a sex, lies, and email scandal. This time the Rethug, Harris County (TX) District Attorney Charles Rosenthal, is blaming prescription drugs. If this keeps up, Hackwhackers is going to have to hire a full-time Rethug sex, lies and videotape news reporter.

Rethug Sex Blotter - Part 72,349

We promise we're not overlooking cases of Democratic politico hypocrisy, peccadillos, and outright crimes. It's just that, well, it seems that Rethug pols have a monopoly on the market these days. The latest example? State Del. Robert A. McKee, long-time Rethug delegate from Western Maryland who seems to have a thang for child porn, even though he's sponsored legislation to protect minors from sexual predators (unlike himself, no doubt). Following a police search of his residence, McKee resigned his position in the Maryland House. McKee, 58, also worked for 29 years in the child mentorship program in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Washington County, MD, most recently as its executive director. Following the well-worn path of those seeking to mitigate the harsh hand of the law, McKee has announced he's "entered treatment" and is calling for the "prayers of my family and friends." We will charitably offer the same advice we've offered to numerous other Rethugs who've been found wanting in the morals arena (sex division): don't bend over to pick up the soap in the prison showers!

(Photo: McKee with (need we say it?) porno 'stache.)

Candidate Profiles

The Onion has performed a noble public service by publishing this analysis of Presidential candidates, current and former (don't miss the short descriptions under their pictures).

(h/t to Brian in our Tokyo Bureau)

Headline of the Week

"Clinton Secret Divorce Deal! Marriage over if Hillary loses election"-- Globe magazine, February 18, 2008, edition. Makes you wonder if Bill's effing up Hillary's campaign was unintentional...or not.

(Image: The Globe, where Fux "News" goes for its hard news stories!)

Chesapeake Primary Day Postscript

The icy, rainy weather didn't keep the Democratic crowds down in Maryland, DC, or Virginia. It was a clean sweep for Sen. Obama, and not just that. It was a rout, with Obama garnering a minimum of 60% of the vote in each jurisdiction. His speech last night in front of a full house of 18,000+ at the Kohl Center in Madison, WI, was enough to generate some straight, middle-aged, white goosebumps for this Hackwhacker. Talk about transcending race, gender, politics, what-have-you!

This week features contests in Hawaii and Wisconsin, both of which Obama is expected to win. It will be difficult for the Clintonistas to turn around the momentum he's building in every region of the country, among all demographics.

Another reason to rejoice: progressive Democrat Donna Edwards unseated Rep. Al "No" Wynn (Hack-MD) by a substantial margin in the 4th Congressional District. This Hackwhacker is 2-for-2!

The Right Wing's "Turnaround" Guy

Following last week's Conservative Political Action Committee's weenie roast in Washington, DC, various right wing poohbahs thought it would be a good idea to annoint Willard "Flip/Mousse/Mutt/Mitt" Romney as the "face of conservatism." "Mr. Romney is the 'turnaround specialist' the conservative movement needs," one winger proclaimed.

(We need to pause for a moment. . . .BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAA. Ahh, that's better.)

Well, he is experienced in turning around on every issue that is supposedly dear to the winger movement. He is, as Walnuts! McCain so aptly put it, "the candidate of change." Unfortunately for the wingers, he also ran either second, or more often, third in Rethug primaries/caucuses, because the true believers seemed to sense a phony in their midst.

It's entirely possible that in the next few years, Willard may again evolve from a "conservative" to some other political variety, depending, of course, on which way the Rethuglican winds are blowing. But the thought of Willard being put forward as "the face of conservatism" can only bring smiles to the faces of progressives everywhere.

Chesapeake Primary Day

Today is primary day in Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Columbia -- the so-called "Chesapeake Primary" (or "Potomac Primary" if you can't spell "Chesapeake"). This Hackwhacker will be going out shortly to cast his ballot for Sen. Obama and for Donna Edwards, who is running a progressive campaign against incumbent Rep. Al Wynn (Hack-MD). My brother Hackwhacker is "Ind-isposed" -- boooo! (But I love him anyway.)

If the weather doesn't get too nasty today and the polls are accurate, it should be a big day for Obama in all three jurisdictions. Polls close in Maryland at 8:00, so we should know shortly after that if it's even close.

Dumbya Disses Poppy

At last week's CPAC conference, Dumbya said,

"I appreciate the fact you invited Vice President Cheney here. He is the best vice president in history. Mother may have a different opinion. But don't tell her I said this, but my opinion is the one that counts." (emphasis added; grammar and syntax pure Dumbya)

The Decider's back-handed reference to his father's two terms as Ronnie Raygun's vice president is more evidence, even in this joking context, that he sees his father's "legacy" as one to apologize for and run away from. Hence, finishing the job Poppy left undone (Saddam Hussein), isolating America in the world (counter to his father's relative internationalism), and his stubborn, small-bore ignorance (unlike his father's rather cosmopolitan history and worldview). Here's one case where the nut fell far from the tree.

(Photo: Dumbya with Poppy on the family blockade runner the S.S. Minnow.)

The Legacy Lives On

In an election year when the predominant mantra is "change," one candidate is sure to continue the Bushit years if elected: Walnuts! McCain. His positions on the Iraq War, policy toward Iran, and social issues, among others, are almost indistinguishable from Dumbya's. If you're looking for a third term for Dumbya, Walnuts! is your man.

Quote of the Day

"I don't think somebody who's indicted ought to run for President." Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (Rethug- Almighty Dollar), responding to a question if he himself would run.

Much less someone who is heading for jail . . .hopefully.

A Case of Mistaken MoDo

At last week's Democratic debate, New York Times op-ed poo flinger Maureen "MoDo" Dowd apparently mistook Times of London reporter Michelle Henery for the other Michelle - - namely Michelle Obama. According to Henery, the snarky MoDo approached her as a long-lost "friend", apparently mistaking her for candidate Barack Obama's wife. She quickly withdrew when she recognized her mistake. Now, MoDo claims the incident was imaginary, and that the Times of London is investigating. Well, they're not, according to the Times of London. They stand by Ms. Henery's story.

So much for MoDo's powers of observation.

Flip Finally Flops

Willard "Flip/Mousse/Muff" Romney is reported to be suspending his campaign today, effectively ceding the Rethug nomination to arch-rival Walnuts McCain. That muffled cheer you heard earlier was the sound of Willard's five enlistment-eligible sons rejoicing that a part of their inheritance was still intact.

Most inauthentic sentiment from the most inauthentic candidate: ". . because I love America. . .I feel I now have to stand aside. . ." Puhleeze, Flip. You're out because you were beaten like a rented mule. Voters picked up on your essential phoniness.

We're going to miss you, Flip! Mousse! Muff! Whatever or whoever you were!

A Gathering of Eagles...

... if by "eagles" you mean "chickenhawks." Yes, today commences the annual convention of the Conservative Political Action Committee (doesn't that sound vaguely Stalinist?). Looking at their invitees is like looking at a gallery of numbnuts, crackpots (minus (M)Ann Coulter this year-- though they're still selling her book!), and small men looking for balconies. If this year's election will be primarily about the past vs. the future, ladies and gentlemen, these reactionary, monochromatic authoritarians stand firmly in the former camp. Advice to CPAC attendees: Don't forget to take your "meds"; make sure they're unmarked bills; and it's the third stall from the right.

Walnuts Time

Wanker Extraordinaire Michael Gerson, the former Bushit speechwriter who stinks up the WaPo's op/ed page on a regular basis (thank you, Fred Hiatt!!), has a load of poo there this morning, containing some undigested Walnuts:

"The revival of McCain's campaign was possible for one reason: the revival of American fortunes in Iraq... If we ever see a President McCain, he will have President Bush to thank... Occasionally, there are political rewards for simply being right."

Sir Wanksalot has been providing memorable views on the glorious Iraq war for some time, and is vested down to his tiny soul in having posterity script a happy ending. No further comment on the current unrepenting, noxious collection of electrons is necessary, other than to say, "Yes, Sir Wanksalot, and if we're really lucky, this is what our reward for a Walnuts presidency might be" (wait for Pat Buchanan's gibe at the end).

Rethug Crime Blotter, U.S. and Canadian Chapters

Politico is reporting on the latest example of Rethug sticky fingers (not of the Larry Craig variety, though). Seems Christoper Ward, the former National Republican Congressional Committee treasurer, who its been previously reported forged an NRCC audit during the 2006 campaign, may have been covering up financial improprieties going back several years before that. Rep. Tom Cole (Rethug-OK), who runs the NRCC, and other high-ranking NRCC Sherlocks have hired a forensic auditor to find out what might have taken place under their clueless gaze during Mr. Ward's tenure. The FBI is investigating the matter for possible fraud and other financial irregularities.

Proving that sticky fingered right-wingers know no international boundaries, word has come that former Canadian Conservative Party Prime Minister, and Bush family BFF, Brian "A Disgrace to a Fine First Name" Mulroney is under investigation for taking payments from a German Canadian businessman, Karlheinz "A Disgrace to a Fine First Name That Sounds Like a Wiener" Schreiber. Mulroney maintains these "payments" took place after he left office, and were not delayed kickbacks from deals Schreiber made with the Canadian government while Mulroney was PM. We have confidence the Mounties will get their hoser.

Hucksterbee Takes Redneck Vote From Willard

West Virginia's Rethug convention voted its delegates to Hucksterbee, a blow to Willard "Flip/Mousse/Mutt/Mitt" Romney, the man for all seasons. Hucksterbee is expected to do well in the Bible belt, at the expense of Willard, whose campaign is burning his sons' inheritance money at a rapid clip. In the Pastor vs. Plastic race, Pastor Hucksterbee has won the first round.

Praise the Lord and pass the decaffinated Coke!

UPDATE: Pastor Huck wins the primaries in the south, making Plastic Mitt more and more irrelevant.

Dole to Limpballs: Take Some Oxycontin

Geriatric GOPer Bob Dole has written a letter to crackpipe... er, crackpot thug Rush Limpballs standing up for his fellow geriatric, Walnuts McCain. Limpballs, of course, has been carrying on a 24/7 assault on Walnuts' conservative creds, favoring instead the authenticity of true-conservative-since-2007 Willard "Flip/Mousse/Muff" Romney. Wonkette has all we need to know on the subject.

(Photo: Limpballs with his phallus substitute.)

Quote of the Week

"The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine. He is erratic. He is hot-headed. He loses his temper and he worries me." Sen. Thad Cochran (Rethug-MS) on his Senate colleague Walnuts McCain. We wonder if he'll be out campaigning for Hillary/Barack like (M)Ann Coulter vows to do if Walnuts is the Rethug nominee.

(Photo: Sen. Cochran showing his hands shakin' with the ague at the thought of Walnuts' nomination.)

Sunday Night Fried Onion

Taking a break from the around-the-clock coverage of the Super Bowl (Go Brady...er, Patriots!!) for this insight into the world-view of one "M. Willard Thornton," hot from the Onion!

(h/t to Brian)

A-boortz-ion

It would be hard to find someone on the far right as despicable as radio host Neal "This Can't Be Real" Boortz. In a recent broadcast, this bottom-feeder said the disastrous response to Hurricane Katrina was not the fault of Dumbya, and called the victims of Katrina "worthless parasites" who wouldn't get out of the way of the hurricane. "It was just a glorified episode of putting out the garbage." Actually, the only garbage was coming out of Boortz's large mouth.

This is the kind of hate speech on right wing radio that passes for commentary today. The similarities between it and the broadcasts coming out of Nazi Germany in the '30s and '40s are significant and real.

Rethug Values, Cont'd.

Time's blogsite picks up on a brewing fraud investigation at the National Republican Congressional Committee, apparently involving some "irregularities" in their financial auditing process. A former employee, now working as a contractor, is the subject of the investigation.

Hey, come on. The person's just trying to learn the Rethug way. Maybe Abramoff or Duke Cunningham can give the person a job once they're out of the slammer.

(M)Ann Coulter Dissed by CPAC

This year's Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) won't be featuring (M)Ann Coulter as a featured speaker, apparently. She has created controversies in past CPAC group gropes, all but calling John Edwards a "fag" in 2007 (puzzling accusation coming from the never married spinster
(M)Ann, with the prominent Adam's Apple - - but we digress).

Guess the stench was too much even for the pathetic pigmies at CPAC. Although it would have been interesting to see (M)Ann set herself on fire again this year for the entertainment of the little boys at CPAC.

UPDATE: The certifiably unhinged (M)Ann was on the Fux Channel to claim that, if Walnuts! McCain is the Rethug nominee, she will not only vote for Hillary Clinton, but she will campaign for her. Hillary's "loss" is McCain's "gain".