To our vast audience, friends and family, have a safe and happy new year.

And whack some hacks for us, too.

Quote of the Day

". . .when you're from Texas --and love Texas -- this is where you come home. It'll be the house where I live in for the rest of my life." -- Preznit Rockinghorse in 2001, referring to his "ranch" in Crawford, TX, built in 2000. Well, he's not "from Texas" and he will be relocating to a large home in Dallas. The Crawford "ranch" is expected to be sold in 2010. Phony jackass.

Dumbya's Deciderin'

It's true that we won't have much time to kick Dumbya around, but this is truly jaw-dropping: the Decider won't interrupt his holiday vacation to deal with the crisis in the Middle East! He has long since broken Ronnie Raygun's record for days spent "on vacation", with a total of 879 days at his "ranch" at Crawford, TX (almost two and a half years).

Bravo, Decider! You have your priorities straight!

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year from The Hackwhackers!! Unless compelled by extraordinary hackery to post, we'll be taking a little holiday break.

Quote Of The Day

". . .if I would have been in charge, I would have wanted to speak to more reporters because that's how you get your message out to the electorate." - - a clueless Alaska Gov. Winky You Betcha reflecting on the presidential race. Yeah, doing more interviews like the ones with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric would have helped a lot.

HAH!

According to NBC news chief Steve Capus, Tweety probably isn't running for the Pennsylvania Senate seat as a Democrat against Sen. Arlen "Ghostly" Specter. "Well, look, if he were running for office, he wouldn't be on TV," says Capus innocently.

Why? What better platform to get his views out to the public free of charge (Tweety gets paid in seven figures to share his wisdom with us)? With Pennsylvania Governor Rendell as his main cheerleader, Tweety might still take the plunge. A fly in the ointment? Years of ill-considered comments, rants, etc. on MSNBC which would be Tweety's opponent's dream come true.

Tweety thinks the world of Tweety. Just watch. His ego is too great to be denied.

A Shoe-Fire Game

If you're feeling frustrated with Preznit Dumbya's legacy tour these days (and who isn't), you can get your frustrations out with this shoe-throwing game (note: it takes a while to get the hang of it; you need to left-click to throw the shoe).

Duck, Dumbya!

Quote of the Week - II

From the WaPo, Jim Hoagland, "The Madoff Generation," 12/21:

"[The] problem is the awakening of the world's youth to the raw deal their parents and grandparents -- my generation, in toto -- are handing them, and the growing anger the young feel about the fetid stables of debt, scandal and corruption they are being left to clean...

"We have taken the greatest financial, technological and political opportunities the world has ever offered and abused them for our own pleasures, greed and egos...

"Bernie [Madoff] was one of all of us who refused to vote for politicians who would raise our taxes and make the nation live within its means, even as we went to war. Bernie was one of all of us who did not demand more diligent supervision of financial markets as long as the outsize returns kept flowing. And in his own special way, Bernie was one of all of us who wasted energy in myriad forms, kept on consuming imported goods even when it meant going into debt to foreign lands that do not wish us well, and cut budgets for regulatory and law enforcement agencies even in the fat years."

Quote of the Week - I

From the WaPo, 12/19:

"'My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.' -- Playwright David Memet to Variety after star Jeremy Piven abruptly left Broadway hit "Speed-the-Plow" because of his startlingly high mercury levels. His doctor told People the actor was eating too much sushi (twice a day!) and Chinese herbs."

(Please note, esteemed Tokyo bureau chief!)

Hell No, He Won't Go

It looks like Illinois Governor Rod "Let's Make A Deal" Blagojevich won't be resigning, at least for now. In a defiant statement to the press, he proclaimed his innocence (bwahahahaha) and said that he couldn't wait to tell his side of the story (perjury alert!). Growing all that hair must have starved his brain cells.

Well, Merry Christmas, LMAD! We have a feeling that this holiday season might be better for him than next year's. His big hair will be a big hit in the "big house."

(photo illustration from www.IndignantOnline.com)

Follow The Leader

As has been well publicized, Rush "Pills" Limpballs has a liking of Oxycontin, among other things (cough, cough, underage Third World girls). Alaska State Police have indicated that the mother of Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Sherry Johnston, was arrested for illegal possession/distribution of Oxycontin, widely known as "Hillbilly Heroin."

Who knows? As Timothy Leary before him, maybe Limpballs has inspired some of his "ditto heads" to pursue the same vice out of curiousity. Perhaps he was "Ma" Johnston's inspiration.

Spare Us

Via Think Progress, we see that Preznit Dumbya is thinking about giving a farewell address, but doesn't want it to be "a real emotional goodbye." He wants to "leave behind some lessons learned."

Let's help Dumbya out. The major lesson America learned? Never elect a smug, arrogant, incurious, incompetent frat boy as your President. And the main emotion that the vast majority of Americans will have when he leaves? Joy.

All In The Family

The Anchorage Daily News reports that Sherry Johnston, the mother of Bristol Palin's baby daddy Levi Johnston, was arrested on six felony drug charges by Alaska State Troopers after an ongoing investigation. The drugs in question were not specified. Alaska Gov. Winky You Betcha was not available for comment, although multiple flushings of a toilet were heard outside of her office.

Wasilla has a reputation for being Alaska's methamphetamine capital, and during the Presidential campaign, there were rumors that Bristol and Levi ran with a pretty notorious group of stoners. Who would have thought Ma Johnston was one of them?

Stick A Fork In It

In a new Washington Post/ABC News poll, only 23 percent of the public believe that the Rethuglicans would trust the Rethugs to do a better job of managing the country's problems than Democrats. Fifty six percent believe the Dems would do a better job. That 23 percent is roughly where Dumbya bottomed out in the polls. That's the right wing "base" in numerical terms.

Our Broken Media, Cont'd.

A number of talking heads in the media are jumping up and down in mock outrage that President-elect Obama won't break his commitment to the U.S. attorney prosecuting the case against Gov. Let's Make A Deal and talk about the case. Doing so, of course, would probably compromise the case, and thereby cause Rethug politicians to say Obama was obstructing justice, providing more excuses for the media to go on tut-tutting. Reading Campbell "Mmmm, mmmm, bad" Brown, you'd think that letting the justice system work was less important than our media clowns getting a "story." The "story" here, as we'll see eventually, is about a corrupt Governor that tried to deal a Senate seat for his personal enrichment, and that there were no takers on the Obama team. U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said as much when the Gov. was arrested early last week, as did the criminal complaint itself.

Where was this indignation during the past 8 years, about a war started on false pretenses, about the Assministration's corruption and incompetence, and about Dumbya's lack of press access? They were too afraid of being called "unpatriotic" or "liberal" or of being cut off from their Government "sources" to stand up. Such bravery.

"Where Is Osama Bin Laden?"

Since early 2003, Cheryl Stewart has updated the sign in front of her home in Brooklyn's Red Hook neighborhood counting the days since 9/11, and asking "Where's Osama Bin Laden?" Ever since his diversionary war in Iraq, Dumbya rarely mentions bin Laden in speeches or comments. He was warned by CIA officials at his phony ranch a month before 9/11 that an attack in the U.S. using airplanes was likely. After the briefing, Dumbya told the officials "you've covered your ass, now" and went fishing. Had he paid attention and taken the threat seriously, thousands of lives might have been spared.

Shoes, anyone?

(photo: R. Stolarik/New York Times)

"Destroying What the UAW Built"

The WaPo editorial page has a fine op/ed by Harold Meyerson on the Rethug efforts to sabotage an auto industry bailout. As we recently pointed out, Rethug senators - mostly from the South, where unions are anathema- have been working to blow-up any agreement to provide a bridge loan to automakers that doesn't include punitive cuts in auto worker wages. Here's what Meyerson says about these neo-Hooverites:

"In a broad sense, they want to destroy the institution [the UAW] that did more than any other to raise American living standards, and they want to do it by using the power of government to lower American living standards -- in the middle of the most severe recession since the 1930's. The auto workers deserve better, and so does the nation they did so much to build."

Amen.

Wooly's Struggle With The Gas Pump

We saw this account of former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul "Wooly" Wolfowitz's problem at a DC gas station. After filling up his BMW (natch), he failed to remove the nozzle of the gas pump from his tank, snapping the nozzle off of the hose as he started to pull away. Wooly stopped, closed the cap to his tank, and drove away without saying a damn thing to the gas station manager. (Through a representative, he claimed he stopped and talked to the gas station manager, but we know Wooly's reputation for fabricating things).

All of this reminds us of his lack of concern for the immense damage he and his fellow neocons caused our military and their families, Iraqi civilians, and our alliances. He initially "drove away" from the Pentagon to the World Bank, where he was forced out after giving his girlfriend, Shaha "Ha Ha" Riza a cushy job there. Keep driving, Wooly. You're a car wreck waiting to happen.

(photo: Wooly picks his brains)

Quote Of The Day

"He's planning to write his memoirs based around certain decisions, the genius of which was insufficiently appreciated by the American public." -- George "Quill" Will, commenting sarcastically about Preznit Chimpy's memoirs on winger Laura Ingraham's radio show.

Ingraham's response? Brief, but classic: "Oh God."

The Rethug Patriots

John Cole as a nice rundown of the countless times Rethugs have cynically questioned the patriotism of Democrats for political advantage, even though some deny it. Now wingnuts are rising in phony outrage, claiming it's the Dems that are doing the namecalling. They took offense when the excellent Democratic Governor Jennifer Granholm of Michigan blasted the obstruction of the Senate Rethugs on the auto loan effort as "un-American" and "unpatriotic." But she had it absolutely right, as Cole notes:

". . .I would like to ask folks how they would describe sitting U. S. Senators actively working with foreign auto manufacturers to drive down the wages of American labor because their states have heavy investments from foreign companies."

Senators Corker (R-Nissan), Shelby (R-Honda), and McConnell (R-Toyota) don't care about America losing its industrial base, and care even less about Americans losing their jobs permanently.

"So What?"

If Dumbya wouldn't feel the need to pop up on TV doing his "legacy tour," we wouldn't feel the need to whack him. Here he is being interviewed on ABC by Martha Raddatz about Iraq:

Dumbya: . . .One of the major theaters against al Qaeda turns out to have been Iraq. This is where al Qaeda said they were going to take their stand. This is where al Qaeda was hoping to take. . .

Raddatz: But not until after the U.S. invaded.

Dumbya: Yeah, that's right. So what?

There you have in simple terms the arrogance, stupidity, and recklessness that characterized Dumbya's misadventure in Iraq. As the rationales for invading -- WMD, Saddam-al Qaeda connection, spreading freedom, etc. -- fell by the wayside one by one, Dumbya would trot out a new one. Saddam Hussein never would have tolerated another power such as al Qaeda within the borders of Iraq; instead, after we invaded Iraq, al Qaeda used it as a recruiting poster in the Muslim world. Recent National Intelligence Estimates have said that al Qaeda is stronger now.

So this is what Dumbya's true legacy is all about, but he lacks the courage and honesty to face it.

The Case Of The Flying Footwear

Yesterday's story about an Iraqi journalist hurling his shoes at Dumbya's head during a Baghdad news conference provided some laughs. Now, as it turns out, the journalist won't be charged with anything concerning Dumbya (e.g., assault with a worn out shoe). He'll apparently be prosecuted for thowing his shoes in the vicinity of Prime Minister Maliki. Then, maybe he'll get a contract to pitch in Major League Baseball.

Dumbya just doesn't get any respect. . . .LOOK OUT, DUCK!! Made you look.

(photo: Dumbya, expert at ducking things, seeks protection from a braver dude)

Powell on Limbaugh, Etc.

Former Bush Secretary of State Colin Powell had some choice words this week for gas-ass Rush "Pills" Limpballs. In an interview with Fareed Zakharia on CNN, Powell asked:

"Can we continue to listen to Rush Limbaugh? Is this really the kind of party that we want to be when these kinds of spokespersons seem to appeal to our lesser instincts rather than our better instincts?"

In the same interview, Powell also slams "The Real Deal," Gov. Winky You Betcha. How about some more adults in the Republican Party standing up once and for all and questioning its direction these past few decades?

WaPo Adds Putz as Headline Writer

WaPo headline (Sports, p. E3, 12/12/08):

"Mets Add To Bullpen With Putz"

Oh, c'mon, WaPo! You really had to bend your syntax to get around the more straightforward, and more comically rich headline:

"Mets Add Putz to Bullpen"

("It's gold, Jerry, gold!")

"We Came As Liberat. . Look Out!"

Preznit Chimpy made a surprise final visit to Iraq, where he had a news conference with Prime Minister Maliki and had to duck a couple of shoes thrown at him from the audience. The shoes barely missed the Chimpster, who is only slightly less popular in Iraq than he is here at home. Understandably, he wanted to make a final trip there to soak up the gratitude.

Hitting someone with a shoe is considered a grave insult in the Arab world. Apparently the shoes were thrown by a journalist, who shouted "this is a farewell kiss, dog" before he was wrestled out of the room.

Quote of the Day

"President Bush has done more for black people than anybody else in the history of this country. . .if he wasn't such a screwup, this never would have happened." -- Wanda Sykes on the Tonight Show, on the Obama victory.

Our Broken Media, Cont'd.

We're noticing that the mainstream media is reverting to the style they had in the latter years of the Clinton Administration. After 8 years of giving the Chimpster-in-Chief miles of slack on everything from the Iraq war to warrantless wiretaps, they want to get back to conspiracies and guilt-by-association journalism.

Taking their direction from the usual suspects on the far right (Drudge, Limbaugh, Weekly Standard,etc.), they are implying a suspicious connection between Illinois Gov. Pay To Play and either President-elect Obama or his staff. It got to the point where U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald had to step forward yesterday and announce that Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel was not a target of their investigation, after wild speculation by the press. If the media had read the criminal complaint, they would have noted that Gov. Pay To Play was furious that no one on the Obama team would play his game. There's every reason to believe that Fitzgerald has asked Emanuel and the Obama team to avoid discussing this so as not to jeopardize their case against the Gov and his associates.

Hopefully, there'll be a good long laugh at the press when the smoke clears, and we find that it was nothing but wingnuts with their pants on fire.

"Herbert Hoover" Time

Senate Rethuglicans eager to return to their "small government" roots are prepared to sabotage the proposed loan of $15 billion to GM and Chrysler, just a couple of months after approving a bailout over 45 times that size to Wall Street investment banks and insurance companies. So if it's a white collar industry, help yourself; if it's a blue collar industry, tough luck. Talk about Rethuglican class warfare. Bust those unions at any cost to America!!

In a rare moment of honesty, (Vice) President Dead-eye Dick Cheney spoke to Senate Rethugs on Wednesday, according to Politico, and warned them that this was "Herbert Hoover" time as far as allowing the automakers to fail. The ripple effect through the economy of having this key domestic industry fail would be catastrophic, according to economists of every political stripe. Millions of jobs are related to the domestic auto industry, union and non-union alike. But for for so many winger Rethugs, it's an opportunity to return to the 1930s.

The Picso Kid

In another day of burnishing his "legacy," Preznit Dumbya hosted a group involved in alcohol and drug abuse prevention, and noted that he'd been sober for 22 years. Maybe he's not counting the Pisco Sour he downed last month on a trip to Peru. The Pisco Sour is made with brandy.

Only 39 days and Dumbya can stop denying.

One Too Many Hustles?

There's a report from NBC News in Chicago that Jesse Jackson, Sr. has retained legal counsel in the Blagojevich scandal. The U.S. attorney's criminal complaint identified a "Candidate #5" that seemed to fit the description of Jackson's son, congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr., and indicated that an "emissary" had promised Blagojevich money in return for "Candidate #5" getting the Obama's soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat. Would we be surprised if Jesse Sr., called a racial shakedown artist by his detractors, was the emissary or the person behind the emissary? Sadly, not so much, especially now that he's lawyered up. This would be particularly ironic, since last July, Jackson, Sr. was overheard saying he wanted to "cut (Obama's) nuts off" for "talking down to black people" -- meaning probably Jackson himself.

The Wrong Stuff

It appears as though one senior Federal official hasn't gotten the word to cooperate with the Obama transition team. NASA administrator Dr. Mike "Black Hole" Griffin is refusing to cooperate with his counterpart on the transition team, according to the Orlando Sentinel, and said that she's "unqualified" to judge his moon program. He's mildly famous for raising questions about global warming, and later retracting them.

Black Hole may want to consult the Executive Branch organization chart, which doesn't show the Office of the President reporting to the NASA administrator. But our guess is that his arrogance and his contempt for the transition team may have already guaranteed him a seat on the next deep space probe, pink slip in hand.

(photo: "Black Hole" Griffin ready to launch into deep space)

Another FBI Investigation?

"Landslide" Norm Coleman (Rethug-MN) may have more than a contested recount to be worried about. Several outlets are reporting that the FBI has opened an investigation of some of Coleman's financial dealings which had been reported during his campaign for re-election. At issue is money that a wealthy Texas friend passed through to Coleman via an insurance company for which Coleman's wife works.

(Photo: No, not Norm Coleman's wife; it's Norm "Don't Bogart That Illegal Payment" Coleman!)

"Wide Stance" Loses Sex Appeal*

The Minnesota Court of Appeals has rejected Sen. Larry "Wide Stance" Craig's appeal to withdraw his guilty plea to misdemeanor disorderly conduct for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer last year in a Minneapolis airport bathroom. After the arrest was made public, Wide Stance has maintained that his foot tapping and hand signals to the undercover officer were misinterpreted. Uhh . . .yeah. Wide Stance is indicating that he will continue to appeal the decision, so more hilarity is ahead.

The senator chose not to run in this year's Senate race in Idaho, since it's hard to run in Idaho without changing your wide stance and stopping your foot tapping.
_________
*we couldn't resist that headline

Joe the Ingrate

We wish that Sam "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher would just go back to work, whatever work he really did. Now, Sen. McSame is wishing Sam/Joe/not-a-plumber would disappear, too, after he got slammed yesterday. Sam/Joe/not-a-plumber said that McSame "appalled" him (does he really use words like "appalled"?), and that after a "discussion" of the financial bailout with McSame, he was ready to get off the Blowing Smoke Express. Since Sam/Joe/not-a-plumber couldn't figure out that Obama's tax policy would benefit him more than McSame's, we're not sure that McSame was understood (then again, McSame was not known for his economic expertise). On the other hand, the non-plumber thought Gov. Winky You Betcha was "the real deal." She must have communicated to him in her own special way (wink, wink). One authentic person to another.

Sam/Joe/not-a-plumber would be unknown if not for McSame's cynical exploitation of this ignoramus. But of course, you could say the same for the Governor of Alaska.

(photo: Sam/Joe/not-a-plumber watches "Building Your Vocabulary" on public television)

Bank of America Bailout Fallout

The standoff at Republic Windows & Doors in Chicago, which started Friday, pits workers who were given only 3 days notice of the factory closing -- and no severance or back vacation pay in violation of the WARN Act -- against the company and its creditor. That would be the Bank of America. BOA, which got its taxpayer bailout money, refused to extend enough credit for Republic to keep operating, spurring Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich (see story below) to suspend State of Illinois business with BOA.

Says labor attorney Hanan Kolko, "If the effect of the bailout is that banks do okay and these people who were making $28,000 a year are denied their WARN Act money and then disappear into the miasma, then something is not right."


(Image: New Bank of America logo)

The Bidding Starts (and Ends)

There are news reports that Illinois Governor Rod "Mr. Beatle" Blagojevich has been arrested on Federal charges of mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery, over the appointment of a replacement for President-elect Obama's Senate seat. The affidavit alleges that Mr. Beatle was recorded trying to "sell" Obama's soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat for personal gain. His chief of staff, John Harris, was also arrested. Classy guys. It seems the Illinois Governorship has an attraction for hustlers (e.g., imprisoned former Governor Ryan).

Murder, Inc.

Yesterday's Federal indictments of five Blackwater security employees for manslaughter in connection with the killing of Iraqi civilians in 2007 should be a first step in holding this rogue outfit and their Bushit Assministration handlers to account. Unfortunately, that may not happen, at least not soon. Reading the linked account of the slaughter in Baghdad's Nisoor Square is gut-wrenching: children and people shot with their arms raised.

The head of Blackwater Worldwide, the smug and wealthy Bush contributor Eric Prince, believes his company is well-protected, since his mercenaries were immune from prosecution by Iraqi courts (a condition that will change January 1). But chinks in Prince's armor may be developing: a sixth employee is cooperating with Federal officials, and may provide evidence needed to bring an out-of-control private army and its leaders to justice.

What's That Smell?!

Culture and fashion icon Britney Spears is out with a new fragrance - "Fantasy Britney Spears." Let that one roll around your olfactory nerves for a moment if you will.

The fragrance is described as beginning as a "lush red lychee, golden quince and exotic kiwi" making it sound appropriately fruity, considering the name brand. "It continues with the scents of cupcakes (sic), sexy white chocolate (K-Fed?) orchid and jasmine petals, and draws to a close with the scents of creamy musk, orris root and sensual woods (haha, they said 'woods')."

All in all, it sounds like a metaphor for BS herself - a confused trainwreck, ultimately intolerable.

(Photo: Would you trust this woman's judgment on your personal body fragrance?)

Hmmm

Sports headline: "Bulls' Derrick Rose Hurts Self In Bed"

We can only conclude he's not "Master of His Domain."

"Conservatives Need a Bailout"

From our hero, Jon Swift, comes this must-read gem, a discourse on the uncertain times faced by conservatives. A special note: our buddy Ramesh "I Google Myself Therefore I Am" Ponnuru, is up to his old clever "tricks," using The Google to discover someone had been talking about him! He apparently felt compelled to respond to Mr. Swift's mention of him and the only other known Indian-American right-wing crackpot, Dinesh D'Souza *(see update at the end of Mr. Swift's discourse).

We say it should be illegal for this much hilarity to be in public view. Somebody call Quill Will and see if he can get one of his plutocrat friends to buy up the Internet tubes before those nasty libruls can reintroduce the Fairness Doctrine!

* We're giving Gov. Bobby Jindal the benefit of the doubt for now. OK. Time's up. You can add him to the list.

That Sure Didn't Take Long

The crackpot lawsuit we mentioned a few days back brought by Leo "51 Cards" Donofrio was rejected by the Supreme Court. The lawsuit, you may remember, sought to challenge the legitimacy of Barack Obama's citizenship and, hence, the legality of his election. Donofrio's next challenge may be to avoid concerned family members having him involuntarily committed.

Over There

The New York Times reports that more than 100 supply trucks headed for allied troops in Afghanistan were destroyed outside Peshawar, Pakistan yesterday by Taliban forces. On Monday, a Taliban force set fire to 50 vehicles headed for Afghanistan at a truck stop near Peshawar. Most of the supplies for U.S. and NATO troops are brought in through the port of Karachi, and travel through Pakistan to the Khyber Pass into Afghanistan.

Newsweek's Fareed Zakharia has a related article about the Pakistan military's looming choice between supporting action against Islamic terrorists and making Pakistan a pariah state, as new evidence links Pakistan's intelligence organization to the terrorists responsible for last month's deadly attacks in Mumbai.

Monday Morning Sports

Sorry to see the Redskins and Packers lose yesterday, and that both teams are having mediocre to poor seasons (but nothing like the woeful 0-13 Lions). However, the news isn't all grim: the Steelers beat the Dallas Cowpies, who committed 5 turnovers and 3 interceptions. Yeee-haw!

Fairness is in the Eye of the Beholder

Today's WaPo had yet another right-winger's lament about the assault on their monopoly of hate, er, talk radio. Previous laments have come from such luminaries as "Mushroom Cloud" Gerson and Kraphammer; and now (again) we hear from George "Quill" Will. With everything they could be spilling ink about these days, isn't it curious that they feel so threatened by the (unfortunately, dim) prospect of the Fairness Doctrine being re-activated?

Toward the end of his piece, Quill has a wonderful statement that captures the irony of the cancerous spread of right-wing broadcast networks (Clear Channel, Sterling, Bonneville, etc.) and the message they have driven on the airwaves:

"Having so sullied liberalism's name that they have taken to calling themselves progressives, liberals are now ruining the reputation of reactionaries, which really is unfair."

Quill. Quill. Quill. No, what sullied liberalism's name was its use as a pejorative for 40 years by people like you, Quill, and the crackpots monopolizing the airwaves. Name calling and finger pointing to divide Americans has been a right-wing tactic long before Karl Rove raised it to an art form. What you don't like is for us to fight back. And don't worry - labeling liberals with your newest name (btw, we think "reactionary liberals" sounds an awful lot like Doughy Pantload's "liberal fascists" - creativity isn't a reactionary strong suit) doesn't ruin reactionaries' reputation. That's been accomplished by all the people enshrined in your Hall of Fame: McCarthy, Nixon, Agnew, Reagan, Cheney, Bush, etc., and the crackpots in the wingnut welfare media that you want to shield.

(Image: Quill's doppelganger, Richie Rich)

Noted

Now that David "Dancin' Dave" Gregory will be hosting Meet the Press, his dance card should be filling up rapidly.

(photo: Dancin' Dave, left, cutting the rug with "Turdblossom" Rove at last year's White House Correspondents' Dinner)

Hucksterbee's Deep Thought

Former Governor and Rethug presidential hopeful Mike "Hucksterbee" said recently on the "Manatee" & Colmes show on the Fux Channel that the Rethuglican Party needs to "move away from the mushy middle" and become more conservative.

Yes, we agree a move much further to the right than, say, Gov. Winky You Betcha's wingnuttery is in order. That will certainly attract those mushy centrists and wavering Reagan Democrats that went for Obama. Maybe proposing a monarchy would work. Next perhaps Hucksterbee will recommend that the Rethuglicans adopt a standard uniform and salute (brown shirts, and an arm extended/palm down as a way of saying "hello there"?).

Go for it, Gov!

(photo: Fingers together, arm stiff; now, let's try again Governor)

A Four-Star Selection

In naming retired four-star General Eric Shinseki to be the new Secretary of Veterans Affairs, President-elect Obama picked a true hero to lead a department that has endured budget shortfalls and that is facing new demands due to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

As Army Chief of Staff, Gen. Shinseki famously predicted in 2003 that "several hundred thousand" troops would be needed to maintain postwar peace in Iraq. He was criticized by the arrogant Rummy and Wolfie team as being "way off the mark." Neocons were interested in selling the American public a rosy scenario for war, so that their desire to invade Iraq would not be derailed. Much later, Generals Abazaid and James Jones (now Obama's national security advisor) stated that Shinseki was right in his estimate. Apart from the merit of the appointment, it is also a well-deserved, belated thumb in the eye for the neocons and their civilian counterparts in the Pentagon.

Not All Nuts Are Planters

What will deranged wingnuts think of next in order to undermine President-elect Obama? Well, one by the name of Leo Donofrio is challenging Obama's citizenship in court, claiming his Hawaiian birth certificate was forged, despite the testimony of Hawaii's vital records department and other experts. This nutty theory is being touted on the outer fringes of Wingnuttia, including white supremacist organizations and white militia types, who are apoplectic at the thought of a black man being President of the U.S. If stupidity was oil, these crackpots would be the answer to our energy problems.


(Mr. Peanut is a trademark of Planters)

Maybe An Abrams Tank Would Have Helped, Too

Today's 109th Army - Navy game at Soldier Field in Philadelphia was won by Navy in a blowout, 34-0. Our theory is that Army was jinxed by winning the coin toss from Preznit Dumbya; also, Army's nifty new camoflage helmets and pants should have been field green, rather than desert gray. The grass stains wouldn't have shown so much.

AP photo

You Looked Mah-velous!

New documents from the McSame campaign's finance reports reveal that almost $110,000 was spent in two months on Gov. Winky You Betcha's hair and makeup stylists ($68 grand for makeup, and $40 grand for hair).

How's she going to get used to the Perfect Look Hair Salon in Wasilla after that treatment?

Unemployment On The Rise

The Bureau of Labor Statistics has released the November jobs report, which indicates 533,000 jobs were lost in the month of November alone, the largest monthly loss in 34 years. The total job loss for the year stands at 1.9 million.

Meanwhile, Dumbya, assisted by Karl "Turdblossom" Rove, is working on his "Legacy Project," giving interviews to the media about how he's not responsible for anything bad happening, only the good things. There seems to be a hereditary problem with the Bushits about accepting responsibility for their messes.

"Juice" Finally Squeezed

A judge in Nevada has sentenced O.J. Simpson to a mininum of 15 years in prison for armed robbery, kidnapping, and assault, stemming from his role in last year's rumble in a Las Vegas hotel room over sports memorabilia. The pre-sentencing report provided to the judge recommended 18 years.

This will obviously have an impact on Simpson's pledge to hunt for the "real" killer of his former wife Nicole and Ron Goldman, since there are no golf courses in prison. He may have to limit his search to the prison's ping-pong room.

(photo: Simpson on one of his golf course hunts in years past)

Hard Times At Wingnut Central

Over the past couple of weeks, the National Review Online, a hub of loony right-wing blather, has been conducting an on-line fundraiser, with the goal being $200 grand. Where do they stand after weeks of pleading? $75 grand. Sadly No has a hilarious piece responding to Rich "Little Starbursts" Lowry's cringingly awful pitch to their winger audience to cough up a few more nickels and dimes. Enjoy!

(photo: An unidentified NRO staffer adopts a more direct approach to their fundraising effort)

All Hat, No Cattle

The White House confirmed that Preznit Dumbya will be moving into a new house in an exclusive suburb of Dallas after leaving the White House. You'll recall that Dumbya built the "ranch" at Crawford, TX while running for President in 2000. The Connecticut-born, Yale educated (?) Dumbya could then run around in his cowboy hat and pickup truck pretending to be a real "Texan." The place was used as a prop during his presidency to establish his country image, but some of the Crawford locals weren't fooled, including Leon Smith, editor of Crawford's Lone Star Iconoclast newspaper:

"For most of his term, Bush ignored the citizens of Crawford anyway. . .now, for many, he's perceived as a big negative, so his departure would hardly be noticed. . .he's kind of like a tiny drop in the bucket."

The Nose Knows. . . .Not!

"In the summertime, because of the high humidity and how hot it gets here, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol. Well, that's no longer going to be necessary." -- Sen. Harry "The Nose" Reid, the embarrassing Senate majority leader, speaking at yesterday's opening of the Capitol Visitor Center. The Center had a price tag of $71 million in the 1990s and ended up costing the taxpayers almost half a billion dollars.

Yes, the odor of the peasants was unpleasant to the nostrils of the elites, so a visitor center was commissioned. It's funny they couldn't smell the money burning up in cost overruns.

Georgia Loves Yellow Elephants

The Senate runoff election in Georgia was won by the despicable Saxby "Sucks Be" Chambliss, over Democratic state senator Jim Martin. That makes two Vietnam veterans that the five-draft-deferment Sucks Be has beaten, the first being former Sen. Max Cleland who lost three limbs in Vietnam. In one of the dirtiest campaigns of 2002, Sucks Be ran TV ads accusing Cleland of being unpatriotic for opposing union-busting in the newly formed Department of Homeland Security. That was even too much for Sens. McCain and Hagel, who denounced Sucks Be.

Bonus: If you want to be truly grossed out, check out Sucks Be's Thanksgiving message, where he gropes his granddaughter toward the end of the ad. Rethug values.

Meow!

Rethug Sen. Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) is warning Gov. Winky You Betcha to stay away from her Senate seat. Murkowski, daughter of the Governor that You Betcha defeated in the 2006 Rethug primary, said that if You Betcha challenges her in the Rethug primary in 2010, "I can guarantee it would be a very tough election." The Wasilla Wonderwoman's spokesman says that she hasn't expressed any interest in contesting Murkowski's seat. (Of course she said she opposed the Bridge to Nowhere, too).


(photo: Is this Winky's game face?)

Another One Bites The Dust

Florida Rethug Sen. Mel "Being A Rethug Is Hell" Martinez has decided not to seek reelection to a second term in 2010, joining the ranks of Rethug Senators deciding not to risk defeat at the polls. This hurts the Rethugs nationally, since Martinez was one of their most prominent Hispanic political figures. The chances of the Dems picking up this Senate seat are better than 50/50, especially if progress is made on the economy by the Obama Administration in the next couple of years.

Mr. Understatement

"I think it was a repudiation of Republicans. And I'm sure some people voted for Barack Obama because of me." -- Dumbya, in an interview with ABC's Charles Gibson on the election results.

Yeah, just "some."

Don't Tell The Automakers About This

The Onion -- America's finest news source -- reports that American Airlines will begin charging fees for non-passengers, "chosen at random out of a telephone book." What will they think of next, a bail out? Heh heh.

Duly Noted

Belated news item: NY Giants wide receiver/ dumbass Plaxico "Busta Cap" Burress shot himself (!) in the thigh Friday night at a New York night club. Burress is a former "student" at, ahem, Michigan State University and clearly a marksman of Cheneyesque skill!

He'll be turning himself in to the police today, when he'll be charged with criminal possession of a weapon.

Quote of the Week

"The triumvirate of Gates, Clinton and Jones to lead Obama's national security team instills great confidence at home and abroad and further strengthens the growing respect for the president-elect's courage and ability to exercise sound judgment in selecting the best and the brightest to implement our nation's security policies." Retiring Sen. John Warner (R-VA).