Florida Primary Results Predicted (Humorously, How Else?)

Wonkette previews the Florida primary results (maybe that should be "presults", kinda like "prebuts"):

"...Mitt Romney is going to win, the pollsters say, because the elderly moderate-Republican condo dwellers outnumber the elderly right-wing Cubans and the Truck Nutz rednecks alternating driving around with clenched teeth and clenched sphincters while fuming along to the Rush Limbaugh AM radio program. Yay, democracy.

"Gingrich, a corrupt and delusional millionaire toad who waddles around shrieking into microphones about people being unfair to him, is seen for exactly what he is by 52% of Florida voters: a crook. Romney, a more polite plutocrat, has had accusations about his decades of corporate raiding and job destruction bounce off like raindrops on whatever chemical coating protects his dyed hair."

Why The Teatards Hate Mittens

This is as good a summary as any you'll get of why the teatard right hates Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney, on this day of the Florida Regthuglican primary.

He's not a "movement conservative," he's not "authentic," and he says what he thinks the audience wants him to say. If this were an election where only the venture capitalists / hedge fund managers / captains of private equity could vote, Millionaire Mittens would win in a landslide. It's not, so flipping, flopping, core-less weather vane Mittens is their go-to guy, for better or for worse.

(image: I've got mine, now you get yours.)

The Rethug Schism

Let's be honest: we fervently hope for a Poot "The Swinger" Gingrich victory for the Rethuglican nomination because he'd probably lose to the President in a landslide. So we're delighted to embrace the endorsements of both Horndog Cain and Winky Palin for Poot's continuing the "fight" for the nomination, regardless of the cost. For the first time in this blog's history, we can say that we experience "starbursts" when we see snowbilly Winky encouraging Poot to keep going, and when we see Horndog Herman voicing his approval of the Pootster.

The Rethug establishment is furious at the rabble rising up in rebellion, after being so carefully nurtured in the last 30+ years to vote against their interests. Riding the tiger can be a dangerous business, because it gets hungry every so often.

Cartoon of the Day -- More of the Newt and Mittens Show

(Click to enlarge)


(Tom Tomorrow, via Daily Kos)

The Failure of the Austerity Doctrine

Paul Krugman today in the NY Times:

"Last week the National Institute of Economic and Social Research, a British think tank, released a startling chart comparing the current slump with past recessions and recoveries. It turns out that by one important measure — changes in real G.D.P. since the recession began — Britain is doing worse this time than it did during the Great Depression. Four years into the Depression, British G.D.P. had regained its previous peak; four years after the Great Recession began, Britain is nowhere close to regaining its lost ground.

Nor is Britain unique. Italy is also doing worse than it did in the 1930s — and with Spain clearly headed for a double-dip recession, that makes three of Europe’s big five economies members of the worse-than club. Yes, there are some caveats and complications. But this nonetheless represents a stunning failure of policy.

And it’s a failure, in particular, of the austerity doctrine that has dominated elite policy discussion both in Europe and, to a large extent, in the United States for the past two years. [snip]

...Yet influential people on both sides of the Atlantic heaped praise on the prophets of austerity, Mr. Cameron in particular, because the doctrine of expansionary austerity dovetailed with their ideological agendas.

Thus in October 2010 David Broder, who virtually embodied conventional wisdom, praised Mr. Cameron for his boldness, and in particular for 'brushing aside the warnings of economists that the sudden, severe medicine could cut short Britain’s economic recovery and throw the nation back into recession.' He then called on President Obama to 'do a Cameron' and pursue 'a radical rollback of the welfare state now.'

Strange to say, however, those warnings from economists proved all too accurate. And we’re quite fortunate that Mr. Obama did not, in fact, do a Cameron."

Now let's see what lessons Fred "Mr. Dinky" Hiatt has for us in today's Kaplan Daily:

"If America doesn’t tackle its debt problem, everything else is at risk: economic growth, the safety net for the poor, investment in research and roads. Over the past two years, Obama and congressional Republicans have squandered one chance after another to get serious about fiscal reform. A better political moment is always just over the horizon."

Alas, poor Mr. Dinky. Still cluelessly ringing the Broder/ Rethuglican austerity bell.

A-Hole Of The Week

On yesterday's Face the Nation, Rethuglican National Chairclown Reince "Prepuce" Priebus compared President Obama to the captain who abandoned the Costa Concordia after it ran aground off Italy, resulting in 17 deaths so far (there are still 16 missing). How Prepuce found this analogy appropriate is anyone's guess, so here's ours: He's a vicious little punk with no sense of decency. He's the perfect choice, therefore, for RNC chairclown.

"The Modern Conservative Movement"

From Driftglass, this breakout of the "modern conservative movement":

"80% paranoid imbeciles squatting in the rubble of the Space Age raging about Negroes and socialism.

20% hucksters turning a buck by pandering to the rage and paranoia of rubble-squatting morons."

Too harsh? Ad hominem? Nah! Remember, we have the empirical evidence now!

(Image: Cletus Spuckler, conservative movement 80 percenter)

Poot Becomes The Hunted

Space cadet and angry white man Poot "The Swinger" Gingrich is slipping badly in the Florida primary race. A major factor, in addition to his poor debate performance last week, is the crushing attacks by the Rethuglican establishment on the Pootster, as catalogued here. What this exposes is a fault line running through the Rethuglican electorate: the economic elites (led by one percenter cyborg Willard "Mittens" Romney) and the dominant teatard / American Taliban wing (with multiple "leaders" like "Winky" Palin, "Oops" Perry, Horndog Herman Cain) who would prefer either "Frothy Mix" Santorum or Poot. Rounding out the wingnut field, of course, is 19th century man and Aryan Nation fave Ron "Race War" Paul.

Therein lies the problem for the majority of the Rethug/ New Confederate Party: their far-right majority is split up, while the minority country club Rethugs are united behind Millionaire Mittens and can produce enough of a plurality to win. With any luck, denying the majority of angry Rethugs the candidate of their choice, while forcing Mittens down their throats will result in a very public donnybrook this year and a very decisive loss at the polls.

'Cause Horndogs Gotta Stick Together

News item: Horndog Herman Cain endorses fellow skirt-chaser (and more) Newt "Fly Me to the Moon" Gingrich, tonight in Florida.

(Photo: "I don't pledge allegiance to my wife..." (AP photo))

Weekend Cartoons - The Newt and Mittens Show

(Click to enlarge)


(John Deering, via gocomics.com)


(Robert Ariail, via gocomics.com)

Headline of the Day

"Low IQ and Conservative Beliefs Linked to Prejudice"

Details on the study can be found here. Key quote:

"Low-intelligence adults tend to gravitate toward socially conservative ideologies, the study found. Those ideologies, in turn, stress hierarchy and resistance to change, attitudes that can contribute to prejudice."

No duh.

Weekend Paradise Song

Popular British alternative band Coldplay has this Grammy-nominated single on their October 2011 album, "Mylo Xyloto." As one of most successful bands worldwide with over 50 million records sold, Coldplay is led by pianist/vocalist Chris Martin (Gywnneth Paltrow's hubby). The video was filmed in London and South Africa.

If It's Thursday, There Must Be Another Rethug Debate

As is our custom, we delegated the viewing of the 1,593rd Rethuglican debate to others, so here's a wrap-up of what various pundits saw, for what it's worth. It looks like it wasn't Poot "The Swinger" Gingrich's finest hour, as he seemed unprepared for the temporarily macho Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney's attacks and counterattacks. Mittens seemed to have a counter move to each of Poot's jabs. While the two frontrunners were busy kneecapping each other, theocrat-favorite Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum tried to play the grown up in the room when he chastised both for focusing on their considerable flaws, rather than how we can turn America into a theocracy. He may have siphoned some votes from Poot; only next Tuesday's primary will tell.

The teatards / Talibangelists that constitute the Rethug base continue to be split between The Swinger and Frothy Mix, to the benefit of human weather vane and faux conservative Mittens, who can wait them out and capture the nomination if not the hearts of the Rethug / New Confederate Party.

Preview of Tonight's Florida Rethug "Debate"

Because of who they are and who they cater to, expect there to be plenty of "dog whistles" too.

Belly Laugh Line of the Day

"The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is – and I mean this seriously – the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been." -- Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro, commenting on the Rethuglican candidate lineup, after they tried to outdo each other in speculating where Castro would wind up after his death. He's wrong about almost everything, but he nailed this one.

Witch's Brewer's Classless Act

A photo making the rounds yesterday was that of President Obama arriving in Phoenix for an event in Chandler (ed., shout out to AZ Gail!) and getting the wagging finger treatment from Arizona Gov. and angry, sun-damaged "beotch" Jan "Witch's" Brewer over a comment he allegedly made about lies about him in her novel...er, book, "Scorpions for Breakfast" (ed. note, that title would explain both Witch's Brewer's personality and politics).

For someone who seems to be either senile or alcoholic, Witch's Brewer showed no class in her public -- and obviously staged -- show of disrespect for our first African-American President. Clearly, there's a strain of racism in the Arizona Rethuglican establishment, from Goldwater to former Gov. Evan Meacham to Sheriff Arpaio, and now to Witch's Brewer. Remember when Sen. John "Walnuts" McNasty referred to the President as "that one?" Times are changing, however, along with the demographics in the Southwest, and clowns like Witch's Brewer are on the wrong side of history, not to mention of simple civility.

(photo: The President misses an opportunity to see what a witch's finger tastes like.)

Quote of the Day -- Willard Romney Platinum Edition

On Monday, Willard "Corporations are people, too" Romney had this to say in Florida, ground zero for home foreclosures:

"[T]he banks aren't bad people...They're feeling the same thing that you're feeling."

Yes, Willard, you're such a sensitive plutocrat! The banks must certainly be feeling the pain of quarter after quarter of record profits! It's hard work screwing underwater homeowners, but somebody has to do it, right Snidely - - er, Willard? Oh, by the way, you wouldn't have made any money off foreclosures would you?

Mid-Week Effervescent Song

This is Lisa Hannigan's newest single, "What'll I Do." IMHO, her voice and her presence just radiate joy (o.k., I'm in love).

Picture of the Day

Not many dry eyes in the House of Representatives this morning, as the House said goodbye to Arizona Dem Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who resigned her seat in order to concentrate on her recovery from the gunshot wound received a year ago. It was an hour of praise and eloquence from both sides of the aisle -- so rare these days -- and emotion that saw Florida Dem Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and House Speaker Boehner choke up during the resignation observance. Well done.

The President's Challenge to Rethuglicans

Last night's State of the Union was a minor masterpiece for President Obama. He successfully framed the issue as one of fairness for a middle class that doesn't have the lobbyists or money that the wealthiest few and the major corporations have to skew the rules and economic playing field. He was smart to bracket his address with well-deserved kudos to our armed forces (not noting that a Navy SEAL operation had earlier freed 2 hostages from Somali pirates). The Rethuglicans love to paint Dems as "weak" on national security and the war on terror, when in fact, the last Rethuglican administration took their eyes off the ball when it came to al Qaeda.

His economic fairness argument was a perfect foil to one-percenter Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney's grudging release of only one year's tax information (and estimate of 2011's), which revealed that Mittens paid a lower rate on millions of interest income than most struggling middle class families pay. Also, who parks money in the Cayman Islands and in Swiss bank accounts who has nothing to hide?

Washington Monthly has a good, crisp summary of the speech, which contained some challenges to the Rethugs to pass legislation on job training, foreclosure relief and alternative energy solutions. While the chances that his challenge will be heeded by the election-obsessed Rethugs are practically zero, it's good to let the American people know who is for their interests, and who is hoping for America to fail in order to win an election.

Cartoon of the Day - Dysfunctional Rethugs Edition

(Jerry Holbert, Boston Herald, via gocomics.com)

What's In Gingrich's Little File Cabinet?

From Ezra Klein today (no link):

When Gingrich was speaker of the House, Bob Dole was the Senate majority leader. And so Dole spent a lot of time listening to the speaker’s proposals. “Gingrich’s staff has these five file cabinets, four big ones and this little tiny one,” he told The New York Times. “Number one is ‘Newt’s ideas.’ Number two, ‘Newt’s ideas.’ Number three, number four, ‘Newt’s ideas.’ The little one is ‘Newt’s Good Ideas.’”

Willard's Modified Limited Hangout*

Under extraordinary pressure to release his income tax returns, one-percenter and lie factory Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney reluctantly disclosed his return for 2010, and his "estimate" for 2011. What the 2010 returns show are an extremely wealthy man living on investment income that totaled $42.5 million in 2010, on which he paid a measly 13.9%, far below what a middle class family pays as a percentage of their income. That's a lot of money pouring in while you're "unemployed" and running for President. He also had a Swiss bank account -- which he closed after being advised that it didn't look good politically. Here's another breakdown of Mittens' returns.

This shouldn't be the end of Millionaire Mittens' disclosure. As President Obama has done, he should make the past 10 years of tax returns available. That also goes for Poot "The Swinger" Gingrich, and the other clowns running for the Rethug nomination. There are still plenty of questions about Mittens' "success" that the public should have answers to.

*shades of Tricky Dick Nixon

Belly Laugh Line of the Day

Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart mocked Poot "The Swinger" Gingrich's attempt to portray himself as a Washington "outsider":

"When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you."

Game. Set. Match.

From The Sports Desk

Yesterday, President Obama welcomed the Boston Bruins, the Stanley Cup champions, to the White House to celebrate their first championship in 39 years. Sadly, the event was marred by the refusal of one player, goalie Tim "What The Puck" Thomas, to attend. Instead, What The Puck decided to use the occasion to issue a political statement that the "government has grown out of control, threatening the rights, liberties and property of the people." It's worth noting that What The Puck earns $5 million per year stopping a hard rubber disk from going into a net for a few months, so it's doubtful that his rights, liberties and property are being threatened too much.

What's truly "out of control" are the salaries of professional athletes, including What The Puck's. Diverting billions of dollars per year from the economy to pay a few hundred jocks their exorbitant salaries for playing games is what this jerk should be concerned about. But that would assume some intelligence, selflessness, and humility on his part.

Rand Paul: Terrorist Suspect

We had to laugh at reports that far-right Social Darwinist Sen. Rand "Sprinklerhead" Paul (R - Galt's Gulch) was denied boarding a flight in Nashville, after he set off metal detectors.

Was it the tinfoil hat? Was it a weapon sequestered in his nether regions for self-defense against Federal black helicopters? Did he just have a meal rich in iron? The most likely explanation is that the Transportation Security Administration has a secret device to detect nutcases, which would certainly have detected Sprinklerhead.

Belly Laugh Line of the Day

From the witty hand of Vanity Fair's James Wolcott, this gem:

"It isn’t just that Romney’s a liar, but that he’s such a bad liar. Gingrich is so much the better liar, packaging his lies in a blunderbuss barrage of granulated bullshit that the lie doesn’t hang out there by its lonesome self."

BWAHAHAHA! He has Millionaire Mittens and Poot the Swinger down to a "t." The rest of the article is here.

Surging in Florida

Sweaty pig-man and serial adulterer Newt "The Swinger" Gingrich has jumped out to an 8 point lead over Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney in the next primary state, Florida, according to an Insider Advantage poll. (A Rasmussen poll also has the Hindenburg's sister ship up by 9 points over Millionaire Mitt.)

Willard is already out with his "Newt is a terrible leader" ads, and we should expect the increasingly panicked Rethug establishment and their water-carriers in the media (Charles "Kraphammer" Krauthammer, George "Quill" Will, Kathleen "Blind Squirrel" Parker, Jennifer Rubin, Bobo Brooks, Ross "I Seriously" Douthat, et al.) to really pour it on poor Newtie in the coming week; meanwhile the uber-crackpots (Rush Limpballs, the teatard nation, martial ass master Chuck Norris , and maybe even snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin?) will rally around Newtie.

I myself am bullish on popcorn futures! Grab a bag, sit back, and enjoy!

(Photo: "A stupid man's idea of a smart man.")

Happy New Year!

Just Call Mittens "Captain America"

Here's an excerpt from the standard stump speech of humanoid replica and corporate raider Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney. Marvel at its banality:

“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.”

The first question would be, "Did you get your speechwriter from Rudy "9-11, 9-11" Giuliani?" The second question would be, "Do you think you mentioned 'America' and 'Americans' enough times? The final question would be, "If you're such a red-white-and-blue patriot, why did you avoid serving in the armed forces?"

Greed=Good=Mittens

One percenter and people-firing machine Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney finally bowed to pressure, and announced he's releasing his 2010 and 2011 estimated tax returns. After saying that releasing the returns would be a "gift" to Dems, Millionaire Mittens caved to strong public opinion that he was hiding something in not releasing his returns. Interestingly, Millionaire Mittens will release his tax returns on the day of President Obama's State of the Union, so as to ensure less attention. Sorry, Mr. Gekko, it won't work this time. Your returns should provide a lot of ammo for both Poot "The Player" Gingrich and the Dems. And it's not about your "success," dickwad, it's about what's wrong with a system that, in return for political contributions, tilts the economic playing field for the Mittens of the world against the vast majority of Americans. Even the wingnuts are starting to catch on.

South Carolina Primary Wrap-Up

The New York Times sums up the ugly nicely:

"Newt Gingrich won the primary by a decisive margin of more than 13 percentage points, and there is no mystery about how he did it. Two-thirds of voters interviewed in exit polls said they made their decision on the basis of the two South Carolina debates, where Mr. Gingrich exploited racial resentment and hatred of the news media to connect with furious voters.

...

"Mr. Romney’s foam-rubber ideology was not built for an electorate this rigid. Mr. Santorum’s profound social conservatism might normally have played well, particularly because two-thirds of primary voters said they were evangelical or born-again Christians, but he appealed only to Republican minds, not hearts.

"It was Mr. Gingrich who pulled the race into the gutter, where he found considerable support. He repeatedly called Mr. Obama 'the greatest food-stamp president in American history,' and lectured a black questioner at Monday’s debate about the amount of federal handouts to blacks, suggesting their work ethic was questionable."

Newt "The Swinger" has a national unfavorability rating of nearly 60%. That doesn't win elections, except in the angry, mouth-breather precincts of South Carolina, where race-baiting and media-bashing make the yahoos forget what a deeply unpopular shitsack they're voting for.

Quote of the Day

Esquire's Charles Pierce in his blog on Willard "Mittens" Romney's continuous lying:

"[Romney] was talking about how Americans should look at successful people like, well, Willard Romney, who was born in the dugout with three runs in, the bases loaded, and nobody out. It was the real him.

'This success doesn't make us poorer! This success makes us all better off!'

You, out there, you with your mortgage underwater and your pension looted because Willard's pals in the financial-services industry played their genius games with the national economy and dropped it down through a sewer grate, forcing all the rest of us to go down there and fish it out for them again: Willard's success makes you better off. No kidding. Every new house he buys, your life is in some way better. All that money down in the Caymans, it brings warmth to your hearts. If Willard Romney paid more than 15 percent on his taxes, well, it would be your American dream that would pay the price, and you don't want that, do you?"

South Carolina Primary Cartoons of the Day

Because one just isn't enough.

(Click to enlarge)

(Stuart Carlson, via gocomics.com)


(Mike Luckovich, via gocomics.com)

Primary Day in South Carolina

Today is primary day in South Carolina, ancestral home of treasonous secession and unreconstructed racism (Rick Perry and John C. Calhoun, why hast thou forsaken us?). In the course of a week, Willard "What Tax Returns?" Romney's lead has dwindled into, depending on the poll, a dead heat or a solid lead for Newt "The Swinger" Gingrich. One, Public Policy Polling, has The Swinger up by 37%-28% over Millionaire Mitt.

One reason for The Swinger's Up-Schwing (gag) may be that the teabaggers are going for him overwhelmingly: 52%-18% in that same PPP poll. Here's what one numbnut, Karen Martin of the Spartanburg (S.C.) Tea Party, had to say:

"Then our conversation turned to Mitt Romney, and Martin’s sunny countenance darkened. 'I don’t know a single Tea Party person,' she said, slowly drawing out her words, 'who does not despise Mitt Romney to the very core of their being.' I searched her face for levity or compassion, but found neither."

Back in 2008, Oxycontin Rush Limpballs was urging his knuckle-dragging listeners in Texas and Ohio to vote for Hillary Clinton in their open primaries in order to prolong the Democratic race, calling it "too good a soap opera." Now that we have a similar soap opera (or better, a comedy of errors) unfolding in the Rethuglican race, we can only hope it goes on as long as possible, right Rush?

(Image: Tea baggers to the reskew!)

Springsteen's New Single - Your Weekend Song

From The Boss' new album, "Wrecking Ball:"

Cartoon of the Day - Willard's Unwilling Bride?

(Click to enlarge)


(Tom Toles, via gocomics.com)

Newt-ron Bomb

We've been watching clips of the Rethug free-for-all last night, and the punditocracy is giving the "win" to open marriage advocate Poot Gingrich. Daily Kos has a quick summary here, with comments, on the debate.

Poot was armed and loaded, waiting for the inevitable question about his second wife's claim that he asked for an open marriage arrangement, so that he could continue to shtupp future wife Calista, but with his wife's approval. Imitating a giant, raging Stay Puft marshmallow, Poot went after CNN's ever-smarmy John "Man Who Won't Be" King, and proceeded to play proctologist with his size 11 with King for raising the issue, drawing an ovation from the wingnut audience. Count on Poot to "blame the media first."

Speaking of smarmy, one percenter and well-lubricated weather vane Willard "Millionaire Mittens" Romney continued to fumble on the issue of releasing his tax returns. At one point, Mittens lapsed into the truth when he said his returns would be ammunition for Dems, essentially admitting he has something to hide.

In all, a great night -- and a great week -- for Dems.

(image: This captures the Newt-ron moment better than an actual photo)

Not-Newt Endorsement of the Day

"Through this exhaustive process of consideration, it was strikingly obvious that one candidate could not be less acceptable to be our party’s nominee. He lacks the poise, experience and moral fiber to represent our principles and values. That candidate is Newt Gingrich." -- Rep. Michele "My Gaydar's Been Disabled" Bachmann (Loon-MN) today. Gingrich wife #2 (Marianne) would have to agree, it seems. She'll be on ABC's "Nightline" tonight talking about Newt's lack of "moral fiber." (Can you say "menage a trois"?) Bring popcorn. Bwahahahaha!

Hair Loss

Texas secessionist and master(de)bater Rick "Hair" Perry suspended his goofy campaign today, before Saturday's South Carolina primary had a chance to sink his political hopes. Known for his snappy debating style (You were against it before you were against, uh, before....) and his keen grasp of policy (Commerce, uh, Education, uh uh, oops), Hair will be sorely missed for his comedic value.

Not that the 21 or so votes he would have gotten in South Carolina's primary would matter much, but he endorsed race-baiter Poot Gingrich. Now, Hair has some free time to go to Charleston harbor and throw stones at Ft. Sumter.

(photo: "Hmmm, what was that third Department again?)

The Winner and Still Loser

It takes longer for the Rethug base in Iowa to count things, since they have to remove their shoes and socks (ed. -- you'll appreciate this more if you're from Minnesota or Wisconsin). Now that they've finished counting the caucus votes from January 3, it looks like the winner wasn't Gordon Gekko imitator Willard "Mittens" Romney after all. It was Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum by an overwhelming.... 34 votes. So now Millionaire Mittens can't claim winning the first two Rethug contests after all; his "inevitability" has been undercut, and he's losing ground to Poot Gingrich in South Carolina (race-baiting Poot knows what sells in the state that launched the Civil War).

We'll see how this turn of events plays out. Frothy Mix isn't going anywhere even with this late-announced win, but it may take more wind out of the sails of Mittens' campaign yacht.

Some Questions

Why won't you release your tax returns for 2008 thru 2010? Do you have something to hide?

What other offshore investments, besides those in the Cayman Islands, do you have?

If you think $375,000 per year in speaking fees is not much money, why not give it to people who can use it?

Are you actually a humanoid robot, as some suspect, and if not, where's your birth certificate?

Mid-Week, All-Wisconsin Wednesday

We turn again to indie artists Bon Iver (bone ee VAIR), and this cut "Wisconsin" from their album, "For Emma, Forever Ago." Congrats also to the new 2012 Miss America/Miss Wisconsin, Laura Kaeppeler from Kenosha, crowned last Saturday. (Sadly, we can't include the Green Bay Packers in our celebration this time).

Cartoon of the Day

(click to enlarge)
Have you ever seen anyone as nervous about releasing his Federal tax returns as Millionaire Mittens Romney (aside from Al Capone, that is)? He clearly has something he's very, very concerned about, and it's not just the 15% rate he's paying -- well below an average middle class family. Perhaps it's income from some offshore venture that would be hard to explain to the mouthbreathers in the Rethuglican base. Or perhaps it's an investment in some enterprise that's a no-no to right wingers. Let's find out.

SET YOUR TAX RETURNS FREE, MITTENS! And let the fun begin.

$374,000 "Not Very Much" to Millionaire Mitt

From the Huffington Post:

"In Greenville, S.C., Romney was asked directly what his effective tax rate is. It was a hot topic of discussion at Monday night's debate, at which Romney repeatedly declined to fully commit to release his tax returns.

"'It's probably closer to the 15 percent rate than anything,' said Romney on Tuesday. 'For the past 10 years, my income comes overwhelmingly from investments made in the past, rather than ordinary income or earned annual income. I got a little bit of income from my book, but I gave that all away. Then, I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much.'" (emphasis added)

What's the "not very much" in speaker's fees to clueless plutocrat Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney? Only $374,000. No wonder he doesn't want to release his tax returns.

(Photo: That's Millionaire Mitt in his Bain Capital years.)

One Million Sign Walker Recall Petition

The movement to oust Wisconsin Rethuglican dimbulb Gov. Scott "Koch Zero" Walker via a recall election has achieved a stunning milestone: over 1 million Wisconsinites signed the petition calling for the special election (only 540,000 were needed). That's one-fourth of the voting population of Wisconsin! It will be only the third gubernatorial recall election in U.S. history. Well done, cheeseheads! Now, let's get that ass blister out of office! The Koch brothers and other far-right oligarchs will be funding the effort to keep Walker in office, so please contribute here if you can to make sure this blight on the great progressive tradition of Wisconsin is removed.

(Image: "Wisconsin's gonna knock you out!")

Glass Jaw Mittens

Last night's Fux Channel Rethuglican debate apparently was somewhat of a downer for flip-flopping weather vane Willard "Mittens" Romney, who came under attack from all sides. Examples:
* Rick "Google My Name" Santorum hit Mittens on his position for allowing violent felons to vote while on probation or parole;
* Rick "Oops" Perry nailed Mittens on his failure to disclose his tax returns (this should be a Dem issue, too, because we'd bet that Mittens has a lot to hide).
*Poot Gingrich assailed the plastic one on his Super PAC ads (pot meet kettle) and its dishonest claims.
In each case, Mittens' robotic demeanor failed him, as he appeared alternately embarrassed, prickly, upset, and speechless. The conventional wisdom is that Mittens has a low boiling point, views himself as elite and therefore above answering questions, and can't take some hard probing. He's already coronated himself in his own mind, and he can't understand why the "little people" don't fall into line. Dems take note: he can't take a punch.

(photo: "Gentlemen, I would ask that you not strike me here, as it is very fragile.")

"Mitt the Ripper"

Going where chickenshit Poot Gingrich and Oops Perry now fear to go, Steven Colbert's SuperPac rips "Mitt the Ripper:"

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Colbert Super PAC Ad - Attack In B Minor For Strings
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Martin Luther King, Jr., 1929-1968

Cartoon of the Day - Willard Romney Explained

(Click to enlarge)


(Tom Tomorrow, via Daily Kos)

Huntsman Gives Up Hunt

Former Utah Governor and Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman dropped out of the Rethuglican primary race today, throwing his support behind a man he once described as a "well-lubricated weather vane" and unelectable: Willard "Mittens" Romney.

On paper, Huntsman would appear to be the ideal Rethuglican candidate: executive experience, business acumen, foreign policy experience, picture perfect family. But Huntsman -- whom the Dems thought was the most formidable potential opponent -- couldn't summon the dishonesty on issues and express the hate of President Obama that the unhinged Rethuglican right requires in their candidates.

Picture of the Day

It's fitting that this billboard for Koch-sniffing Wisconsin Gov. Scott "Take A Walk" Walker appears in the parking lot of a closed General Motors factory. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Wisconsin has lost jobs every month since June. Recall the jackass.

(h/t to Wonkette.com)

Tom 45:10

The New England Patriots, led by quarterback Tom Brady, clobbered the Denver Broncos last night 45-10. All of the pre-game hype centered on Broncos quarterback Tim "Jesus Loves Me" Tebow, a poster boy for in-your-face evangelicalism and the right wing "Focus on the Family." The media suck-up to Tebow was as intense as it was faintly nauseating, with every major news outlet fawningly following his every move. In the end it looks like Jesus bet on the Patriots. Congrats to Tom Brady, a star at Michigan and the far superior quarterback, who ended up breaking some records for playoff games. Tebow? Nine for 26 passing, no TDs.

As to why many find Tebow's on-field religious histrionics off-putting, here's a good overview. Now maybe we can have a few months without the glorification of a mediocre quarterback.

(photo: "Why hast thou forsaken me for Tom?")

Quote of the Day

"Willard Romney, stripper of companies, looter of pension, career gombeen man for the most unproductive 'industry' in the history of man, thinks that a discussion of the nation's staggering gap in inequality, and of the steady decline of a functioning middle-class, should be conducted in private, and not in the streets, where those hippies and their drum circles might disturb the plush japery of their betters. This is because, for Willard Romney, the world is divided into two kinds of people: Willard Romney and The Help." -- Another blog masterpiece by the unequaled Charles Pierce at Esquire.com. There's not a better progressive voice writing today.

The Informed Rethug Voter

As a new Pew Research poll indicates, the average Rethug voter has no clue about the candidates that they're voting on.

Only 53% know that plutocrat company demolisher and human weather vane Willard "Mittens" Romney served as Governor of Massachusetts (score one for Mittens), and only 45% know that South Carolina is the next primary state, despite massive coverage of the Rethug primaries. And you wonder why they vote against their own interests.....

(image: "Kin we vote fer Reagan agin?")

Cartoon of the Week

With the Rethuglican establishment rallying around Willard "Mittens" Romney, along with the usual media suspects, we're not supposed to talk about what Mittens says his campaign is all about: his record in the private sector as a "job creator"....who likes to fire people. Meanwhile, President Obama is a job-killing socialist. Discuss among yourselves.

Weekend Song

From their 2007 album, "The Flying Cup Club," Beirut's Nantes:

Bitter Tea

Plastic plutocrat Willard "Mittens" Romney is headed into the South Carolina primary with the backing of many establishment Rethuglicans, including lots of country club elitists. But, ominously for Mittens, the hard core wingnut base which calls themselves the "tea party" will have none of the human weather vane, as this story in the New York Times notes. Sample quote:

"A 54-year-old refugee from the North Shore of Massachusetts, (Karen) Martin is the lead organizer of the nearby Spartanburg Tea Party... She recounted how she burst into tears at the moment she realized, watching the news in 2008, that children growing up today wouldn’t have the economic opportunities that she did...Then our conversation turned to Mitt Romney, and Martin’s sunny countenance darkened. 'I don’t know a single Tea Party person,' she said, slowly drawing out her words, 'who does not despise Mitt Romney to the very core of their being.' I searched her face for levity or compassion, but found neither."

Gulp. And the Rethug blood bath is just getting started. Popcorn time!!

O'Keefe's Latest Oeuvre

Lights! Camera! Mug shot! Right-wing video doctor James "G. Gordon Diddy" O'Keefe may just have crossed the line again, this time by engaging in voter fraud in the recent New Hampshire Rethug primary. It seems the young dimwit and his band of, er, dimwits videotaped an election official while they were in the process of committing voter fraud! Why would anyone with a brain do such a thing, and provide the video evidence? (I believe I answered that question while asking it.) They're trying to show how important it is to have tough voter I.D. laws, that's why by crackey! (In other words, they're involved in the ongoing Rethug voter suppression effort.)

For his noble efforts, G. Gordon is facing potential state charges of voter fraud and illegally recording an election official, and federal charges of crossing state lines to record an election official and identity theft. The little ass whistle is already on 3-years probation for "entry by false pretense" into Sen. Mary Landrieu's office with the intention of wiretapping her phone. We'd like to see him put his mad videographic skillz to a real test with a hidden camera in the showers at the Atlanta Penitentiary.

(Photo: G. Gordon Diddy in happier times.)

Duck!!

If you're planning on being in the Indian Ocean on Sunday or Monday, you may want to keep an eye on the sky. The 14.6 ton Russian Mars probe "Phobus-Ground," which was launched in November but failed to escape Earth orbit, is expected to largely burn up in the atmosphere, although pieces could survive re-entry and land in the sea. It's unclear, beyond the slim possibility of large pieces of space junk making it down in one piece, whether the craft's contents pose any additional risk to life.

Bad Money

Facing a recall election threat this spring, right-wing Koch head Gov. Scott "Take A Walk" Walker is now being accused of over a thousand campaign finance violations in his gubernatorial campaign in 2010. Take A Walk is accused of not properly reporting over $500,000 in contributions (*cough, Koch, cough cough*), and could face $557,500 in fines. What would be most helpful is an accounting of all the mystery donors, who they are and what they contributed; what they wanted was a piece of the State.

Take A Walk and his plutocrat backers expected to waltz through Wisconsin busting unions, dismantling the Democratic Party, and making life much easier for the wealthiest individuals and corporations. Didn't happen. And we're hopeful that officials in Wisconsin throw the book at Take A Walk and send a message to the right wing elites that Wisconsin isn't for sale.

Quote of the Day

"President Obama, Willard told his crowd, is practicing 'the bitter politics of envy.' He warned them not to be seduced by the president's 'resentment of success.' It was a moment of almost transcendental meanness and fakery. Willard was explaining to his audience that he was just like them, and that they were the keepers of America's promise, and that they would continue to be — at least until, for his own profit and that of his wealthy investors, Willard wrecked their companies, stole their retirement, and shipped their jobs to China, never to return. They were all in it together, Willard assured them." -- the always readable Charles Pierce, in Esquire.com. He notes in another piece today how the Village mainstream media is swooning over Mittens' win in New Hampshire, while attempting to defend Mittens against those mean attacks on his destructive role at Bain Capital. Always good to remember the media elite are also part of the 1%.

Mid-Week Song

The Minneapolis-based band Semisonic had this late '90s hit, and creative video using split screen realities which shift back and forth. The recent movie, "Friends With Benefits," featured the song, as no doubt did many a high school graduation party.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Mittens Mo

With millionaire vulture capitalist Willard "Mittens" Romney's win last night in New Hampshire, the fractured right-wing of the Rethuglican Party is scrambling to unite behind one candidate in order to stop Mittens' momentum. While his victory in New Hampshire is being touted as "decisive," Mittens' virtual favorite-son status in New Hampshire should have given him more than the 39% of the votes he received. He's still not acceptable to some 60% of Rethuglican voters -- even in a state like New Hampshire, where he's lived off-and-on for years.

The Washington Monthly has a good piece on the decision the anti-Mittens forces need to make, and soon, before Mittens runs the table. If there were one, credible right-wing alternative to Mittens, he would have been blown away in Iowa and New Hampshire. Now, South Carolina is shaping up to be the last stand for Rethugs who can't swallow the smarmy plutocrat from Massachusetts.

Class Warfare - Rethuglican Hypocrisy Edition

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(Tony Auth, Philadelphia Inquirer, via Gocomics.com)

Mittens Speaks His Real Mind

Occasionally, Rethuglican one-percenter and humanoid facsimile Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney will slip and say something he really believes. For instance, in Iowa he stated "Corporations are people" to the barely-stifled gasps of the crowd.

Today, in New Hampshire, Mittens addressed a group of business leaders and declared,

"I like being able to fire people who provide services to me."

Spoken like the vulture capitalist you are, Mittens! It was all about how much money your firm, Bain Capital, could suck out of failing businesses by firing employees, grabbing their pension funds and selling off the remaining assets. So much for "job creator."

Expect the "librul" media to largely ignore this moment of Mittens saying what he really believes, and for Mittens' political yacht to sail on, albeit without strong winds.

(photo: "Now this won't hurt a bit....")

Jon Huntsman, Throwback Republican

Republican presidential candidate Ambassador Jon Huntsman reminds us from time to time that there are still honorable conservatives in the Rethuglican party. To be clear, Huntsman holds views on the economy and social safety net that are wrong-headed. But he also is someone who represents a dying breed in his party: he's a sane person. He's made it clear he believes science trumps ideology when it comes to global climate change and evolution. Unlike Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney, he doesn't believe corporations are people.

Most disqualifying of all to the Obama-hating troglodytes and mouth-breathers in the far right of the Rethug base, he accepted the ambassadorship to China from President Obama. This drew fire at this weekend's candidate debate from Willard (motto: "Profits first, party second, country... meh"), who implied Huntsman did the wrong thing by serving a Dimmycrat! Huntsman had a great riposte for Willard, which got a loud ovation: "This country is divided because of attitudes like that."

Democrats don't like to say it too loudly, but Huntsman, not Willard, is the Republican we think would run the strongest against Obama in the general election. He's the kind of authentic, patriotic Republican that makes hot messes like the trying-too-hard Krispy Cream Christie (see post below) look especially mean-spirited and stupid. We won't be surprised if Huntsman does very well tomorrow in the New Hampshire primary, which allows independents to vote on the Rethug ballot.

Mr. Tough Guy: Krispy Cream Christie???

From Reuters (whose "mainstream media" reporters clearly have a Christie boner):

"When a heckler yelled, 'Christie kills jobs,' Christie was ready with a response - New Jersey style.

"'Really?' Christie replied. 'Something may go down tonight but it's not going to be jobs, sweetheart.'"

Nothing strikes more fear into my heart than a human (?) blob like Krispy Cream, with his rehearsed "Tony Soprano" lines.

(Photo: Brian Snyder, Reuters)

Quote of the Day

"Look can we drop a little bit of the pious baloney?" -- Hired larynx and Mitt-seeking missile Newt "Poot" Gingrich to Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney at today's NBC/Facebook Rethuglican debate. Willard had just made another attempt to cast himself as a non-career politician who left office because he wanted to get back into the business world. Riiight! Several pundits have noted that Willard was noticably sweating after taking shots from his Rethuglican rivals -- oh, excuse me, millionaires don't "sweat," they "perspire."

Sanctimonious Santorum

Maureen Dowd today on Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum (Rethug-Vatican City) and his situational conservatism:

"16-year-old Jessica Scharf asked Santorum how her handicapped brother could be cared for without help from the federal government. He replied, as The Times’s Katharine Q. Seelye reported, that he and his wife 'bear the cost' of a handicapped daughter; he said family, friends, neighbors and the church could help, and that caring for someone would knit them closer. [snip]

"He bashes President Obama as a European-style socialist and preaches fiscal conservatism. Yet in the Senate, he made sure dollars from the socialistic Medicare program went to Puerto Rico on behalf of a hometown firm — United Health Services — that later gave him nearly $400,000 in director’s fees and stock options.

"He was among the pay-for-play Republicans who tried to strong-arm lobbyists and say that if you wanted to have influence you had to cough up campaign money.

"While Karen Santorum was home-schooling their seven children in Virginia, Santorum soaked the Pennsylvania taxpayers to the tune of $100,000 by enrolling the children in a Pennsylvania cyber charter school."

Walnuts McCain Endorses Obama

Ancient loser Sen. John "Walnuts" McCain (Rethug-Sunset City) was out on the hustings the other day with Willard "Millionaire Mitt" Romney when he made this mavericky endorsement:

That's Not God Talking to You, Pat Robertson

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Telebangelist and life-long ass biscuit "Rev." Pat Robertson would like his simple-minded viewers to believe he has a direct line to God. It makes it a little easier for him to shake them down for donations if they think he's got the God mojo. But, Pat, God doesn't speak to you! He speaks to me, and here's what he said, and I quote: "Pat, if you don't stop scamming those old people who believe in you, using my name in vain by the way, I'm going to have to downgrade your accommodations in Hell from your current booking in the Father Coughlin suite to the Torquemada suite! And by the way, Beelzebub called -- he'd like his ears back!"